Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Somewhat because I am thankful for a lot of stuff, but mostly because I'm a gifted eater and I love to watch football. And it is one of the days in the year I am guaranteed to get to watch football. No work, no BS, just football. If you get between me and the TV while the game is on, I will tackle you.

I haven't posted about food in quite some time, but suffice it to say I love to cook for Thanksgiving nearly as much as I love to eat it! I'll be using a Coke & Salt brine for the turkey since I don't want to fry one this year. I've done this turkey before and it is AMAZING! We'll have a cornbread stuffing, corn, various other cold veggies, a roasted garlic home style mashed potato, sweet potatoes (cheating on these and using store bought ones though), beets, various salads others are bringing, and to top it all off a pear dumpling with home made cinnamon ice cream. I'm not a baker, so some others are bringing pies - Dutch Apple, Pumpkin, and Blueberry!

I know for sure we'll be drinking a couple of bottles of 2006 Ravenswood Old Vine Zin that I have been keeping in storage the last couple of years. I'm sure after dinner that some Scotch will be making an appearance too - for sure some of my Laphroaig 18 year old, and likely a few others from my collection. I also have some Goose Island offerings - both beer and sodas. I have some of their Harvest Ale and some Nut Brown Ale. I have a collection of random beers left over from Oktoberfest that will likely disappear as well.

I seriously may consume 10,000 calories on Thanksgiving day, and I am going to enjoy each and every one of them.

Until I have to burn them off on the treadmill for the next week...

Are you friends with reality?

Anyone else a fan of the old re-runs of Cheers? I was at the bar Cheers in Boston a couple of times last year while on vacation, and while it wasn't as cool as the show, it did bring back some good memories. Cliff Clavin was always good for a laugh.

I have a semi regular guest who for whatever reason really prefers me. I don't know if I listen better or what, but suffice it to say that this guy must've dropped enough acid in the 70's to give a whole herd of elephants a bad trip. I've actually tried to avoid him at times, but I always seem to have an open table when this guy comes in. He sometimes comes alone, and other times he comes with his fiance. How this guy got a woman to stick around I'll never know. I'll explain.

Whatever the word is for the step beyond bizarre, that is this guy. He has the bald hippie mullet - long hair in back, balding on top - Think of the old Tommy Chong loosing his hair. His fashion sense is something between dirty rock star and homeless, but thankfully always clean. Spend more than 20 seconds with him, and he'll remind you how long he has been sober. Each. And. Every. Time. You. Talk. To. Him. In an average meal I'll be reminded of his sobriety at least 20 times, and that is in no way an exaggeration. And I think that is great, but the thing is, every time he tells you this, he appears to think it is the first time he's ever told it to you. After a few years, this can get annoying.

It is clear that drugs have had a major negative impact on his life. Once when he came in by himself, his bill totaled something like $30 (he does eat well) and he tried to give me $200 in payment. You might be saying POCKET THE MONEY FOOL! But that isn't my way. I earn mine, not take advantage of others, plus, if someone called in and complained it would be obvious who waited on him. I always get him. So I always end up making change for him because he doesn't really seem to get money. Other times he hasn't given me enough and I've had to convince him to give more. I've spoken with his fiance about this and she gave me an amount that should it happen again, that I can keep beyond what his bill is. I'm cool with that. And I know he means me no harm.

This woman by all appearances seems normal. She's a healthy middle age woman, and I am always confused at how, in spite of love, even she could deal with this guy on a day to day basis. For the most part, she appears to take care of his money, and him for that matter. And in that regard, I have wondered if that is why she is around. Not to bilk him from his stash of cash, I think she could've already done that had she wanted to, but to maintain access to it. I don't know where it is from, but this guy has money. You couldn't tell it by the way he dresses, but when you talk with him for a while, you can piece together from where he lives, what he drives (scary that he is on the road!) and where he vacations, that there is a big pile of money somewhere. I think she could've taken the money and run, but yet she remains.

So while he is not mentally all there, he is pretty smart. He can't remember at times what he ordered 10 minutes ago, but he can spout off factoids at an amazing rate. Never anything that is useful mind you, but information nonetheless. And as odd as it sounds, his "specialty" is what I can only call "anti-conspiracy theory". He is passionate about debunking any known conspiracy theory. Who killed Kennedy? That is a 2 hour conversation. Area 51? You might never go home. And when he starts off on this, you can literally walk away from the table, and come back 20 minutes later and he'll still be talking about it. Even if no one else is there. And as he tells you these things, he has the most non-linear way of doing it I have ever experienced. In the middle of telling you all about the make and model of the gun used to kill JFK, he'll throw in a random and completely unrelated fact. "You should be carefull driving. A sedan only has a .32 coefficent on icy roads, and your van is even worse." Like an autistic Cliff Clavin. You had to know I'd tie this back into Cheers somehow. So out spouts something random, and often absurdly hilarious. And the thing is he never stops talking. From the moment he hits the booth to the time he walks out the door, he talks. Whatever it is in your brain that shuts your mouth off, he is missing.

And while all of this is tolerable for a while, I cannot imagine 24/7/365. This woman is an angel. But the redeeming thing of all of this is that this guy is amazingly sweet. While as odd a duck as I have ever encountered, he is always over the top nice and friendly, like the weed and acid killed his ability to experience anger. And he is always a gentleman with his lady, and always, ALWAYS talks about her like she is the divine manifestation of God in flesh. Even when she is sitting right there.

So I generally enjoy waiting on him. You never know what you are going to get, but without question you know you will get a good show. And if you pay attention, you might actually learn something. Probably not something useful, but something nonetheless.

And that brings us back to Cliff Clavin, who gives us one of the greatest quotes of all time.

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, use the general speed and health of the whole group keeps living by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Endless shrimp ending

Endless shrimp ends November 9th - halle-fuckin-lujah! So charge up your motorized scooter and waddle, roll or glide you way back in for one last evening of gluttony!

Severs in training

I've trained a lot of people in my years. A ton at Red Lobster, but many in other places as well. I think I've been a trainer for five different companies by my count. So when I say this, I mean it.

If you are a new server in training, get your shit together.

I don't care about anything else, when you are with me, we are working. When you are with me, you are on my time and my dollar, because if you fuck it up at the table, that is my tip. I understand this is part of the learning process, so I am gracious, but there are limits. Get your shit together and learn the menu. Learn the table approach. Study the wine chart and give a few of them a try. We give it to you for free, take a taste. I know you have school work, or kids to take care of, or bong hits to keep track of, but let me let you in on a little secret - I.don't.care. At all.

Come prepared. If I smell weed, I'm sending you packing. If you got booze on your breath, it's over. No, I'm not kidding. What you do with your time is your business, but get this - this isn't your time. I'm good at what I do, and I'm not ashamed of that fact. I've worked for many years honing my skills and knowledge, and I promise you that if you pay attention, if you put the time in, you can and will make very good money. If you learn the right way, not the easy way, you will make more money.

You will get out of this what you put into it. I understand you worked at Perkins for 74 years. I don't care. That's not how we do it. I don't care that you served at the mom & pop place on the lake in high school. You were an idiot then, and didn't learn a thing other then how to not drop food on the floor. We have a system here, and honestly, a surprisingly good system. I might not give Red Lobster a lot of credit, but they do deserve it for their server training, it is better than most others.

And when one of the other trainers says something, listen to them. We've all been at this a long time. You might not understand why you should do it that way, but believe me, in time you too will gain that wisdom. They aren't correcting you because they are bitches. We aren't busting your balls because we have nothing better to do. We all know if you don't learn this that A) you'll fuck it up at our tables in the future B) you'll piss off our regulars and C) you'll not last, which means we'll have to start this whole process over with some other clueless person, and all of this costs us money.

If you know what you are doing, I'll give you a long leash. But you have to earn that. Don't tell about how you served a bus of 45 strippers all by yourself and didn't make a single mistake. Serve this 4 top without a mistake. Trust is earned. If you deserve it, I'm happy to give it, as it is much easier for me when a trainee is competent. Heck, those training sessions are like a mini-vacation for us trainers actually. We get to show up, do only about half the work, and take in our normal tips. But unfortunately, and much to the surprise of most trainees, few of you ass-clowns are competent when you first walk in those double doors. So shut up, study up, and work hard, this'll be over sooner if you do.

Tighty-Whities (Please pull your pants up!)

This is damn funny! I might put this on regular rotation at my restaurant!



Hat tip on this to my old boy Big Chris!

Darden profit beats Street, shares fall on forecast

Caught this on the news wire today. Darden has a nice employee stock purchasing plan that if you aren't participating in (as an employee) then you are throwing away free money. Even if you don't plan on staying with the company or keeping the stock, the option is a great thing to take advantage of.

But unfortunately the reduction in costs talked about below does nothing for the server's bottom line at the end of the night.


By Lisa Baertlein

LOS ANGELES, Sept 29 (Reuters) - Darden Restaurants Inc (DRI.N), owner of the Olive Garden and Red Lobster chains, warned that full-year same-store sales could fall more than expected and that its profit could be at the low end of its forecast, and its shares fell 6 percent.

Darden, which posted a first-quarter profit a penny above Wall Street expectations, is forecasting earnings of $2.59 to $2.85 per share for fiscal 2010.

"Given industry sales trends, however, at this time the lower half of the diluted net earnings per share range we've provided is more likely than the upper half of the range," the company said in a statement.

The restaurant industry has been hurt by rising unemployment and falling home prices, prompting consumers to reduce the number of times they go out to eat and to order lower-priced items.

Oppenheimer restaurant analyst Matthew DiFrisco said Darden was being cautious in its forecast.

"They're being conservative saying that (earnings) would be skewed toward the lower end," DiFrisco said.

Darden has been benefiting from lower food costs that helped offset weak sales.

Darden, which also owns Capital Grille and LongHorn Steakhouse, said earnings from continued operations were $95 million, or 67 cents per share, for the first quarter ended Aug. 30, compared with $82.4 million, or 58 cents per share, a year earlier.

Analysts, on average, were looking for 66 cents per share, according to Reuters Estimates.

Total sales from continuing operations fell 2.3 percent to $1.73 billion during the quarter, as sales at U.S. established restaurants fell 2.9 percent at Olive Garden, 7.9 percent at Red Lobster and 6.2 percent at LongHorn Steakhouse.

Darden said sales were softer than anticipated during the first quarter, causing it to reduce the lower end of its full-year forecast for sales at established restaurants.

The restaurant company now expects combined U.S. same-store sales at Red Lobster, Olive Garden and LongHorn Steakhouse to be flat to down 3 percent in fiscal 2010, a range that is one percentage point lower on the bottom end than the previously issued forecast.

Shares of Darden fell to $33.99 from their New York Stock Exchange close of $36.15.