tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200258962024-03-16T13:53:04.013-05:00Red Lobster Blog<center>The stories and experience of Red Lobster employees.</center>Lobster Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12915814696810767679noreply@blogger.comBlogger371125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20025896.post-18639872260604487552014-01-08T22:25:00.001-06:002014-01-08T22:30:25.562-06:00Death by Atomic Wedgie - Seriously<a href="http://news.yahoo.com/oklahoma-man-charged-39-atomic-wedgie-39-murder-224627818.html">http://news.yahoo.com/oklahoma-man-charged-39-atomic-wedgie-39-murder-224627818.html</a><br />
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OKLAHOMA CITY (Reuters) - A 33-year-old Oklahoma man has been charged with killing his stepfather by giving him an "atomic wedgie," that caused the victim to suffocate on his own underwear.<br />
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Brad Lee Davis was charged with murder in the death of 58-year-old Denver St. Clair in a drunken family fight at a residence just east of Oklahoma City, the Pottawatomie County Sheriff's Office said in an arrest affidavit obtained on Wednesday.<br />
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Police arrested Davis on Tuesday. The affidavit said he "grabbed St. Clair's underwear and gave him an 'atomic wedgie.' Davis allegedly pulled the elastic waistband of St. Clair's underwear over his head and around his neck."
Oklahoma Medical Examiner spokeswoman Amy Elliott said the cause of death was asphyxiation and blunt force trauma.<br />
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Pottawatomie County Sheriff Deputy Travis Palmer said Davis and St. Clair were drinking beer on the night of December 21 at the older man's residence when St. Clair began speaking ill about his wife, who is Davis' mother.<br />
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Investigators said St. Clair's elastic waistband was stretched over his head and that it left ligature marks around his neck. Blood splatter was also found in the kitchen, the living room and on the living room ceiling.<br />
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Davis was being held in Pottawatomie County without bond. His lawyer was not immediately available for comment.
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This might be the funniest thing I've seen in years. Disturbing, but funny!</div>
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Dude 1: Man, this sucks. For like the last week, every time I piss it burns something wicked.<br />
Dude 2: Seriously? What the fuck?<br />
Dude 1: Yeah, and it is getting worse.<br />
Dude 2: NO. You missed it. We don't talk while pissing. Even if you dick just fell off into the urinal, I don't want to know about it until my beer is back in my hand.<br />
Dude 1: (serious tone) Nooo. I'm worried about this.<br />
Dude 2: (Laughter like he'd just lost his mind.) Remind me to never go to the bathroom at the same time as you ever again! Pussy.<br />
Dude 1: Stacy is going to kill me.<br />
Dude 2: Maybe you would've been better off had your dick fallen off! (laughter as they exit the bathroom).<br />
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That's how we roll ladies. And Stacy, if you are reading this, you might want to go get a checkup...<br />
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I've been to no less than 7 weddings in the last 12 weeks, which also is killing my free time and spending money. I'm happy for all of you, but for fucks sake space them out more next time. I suspect at least 3 of them will have a "next time". Thankfully, none of them proposed in a restaurant, especially not a Red Lobster. At 4 of them there was an open bar. I consider it my duty to drink as much as I spent on a gift if you are going to use my favorite 2 words. If I ever see you at a wedding with an open bar and you don't tip the bartender on those free drinks I'm going to kick you in the junk. Fair warning. Be generous you drunken buffoons. <br />
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This also means I've been silent on the living hell that is Red Lobster's Endless Shrimp. It's all-you-can-eat torture for the service staff, one table at a time. It really should be outlawed within the Geneva Convention. I think it is more destructive than the chemical weapons Syrians "don't have".<br />
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I'm not a big world politics guy, but Putin is a complete asshat. How nobody has sucker punched him thus far I don't quite understand. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pussy_Riot" target="_blank">Pussy Riot </a>is right on this one. And hey, why pass up a chance to say pussy riot?<br />
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We spent some time in Colorado visiting some old friends of mine a few weeks ago, just days before the floods there. We drove up to Estes Park through the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Thompson_River" target="_blank">Big Thompson canyon</a> that has been ravaged by floods. My friend's family nearly were killed in the last major flood in 1976. Thankfully they learned their lesson and don't live in the canyon any more. Last I heard they were safe & sound though they were working hard on some major erosion that was happening on their land away from the house.<br />
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Having been through that canyon many times, and having an acute awareness of it's history every time I do go through, I am always befuddled that people chose to live there. It's beautiful, but deadly. It's like being married to a black widow spider. It's not a matter of if, but rather when.<br />
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I'll be sad to not be able to drive that route this winter when we head out again for some wintery fun. But I'm glad the loss of life was much smaller this go around than in '76.<br />
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We stopped for a day in Deadwood, South Dakota on our way to Colorado. Spent a whole night playing blackjack in Kevin Costner's casino - <a href="http://www.themidnightstar.com/" target="_blank">The Midnight Star</a>. And by whole night, I mean we shut the place down. Started the night at some bar called Buffalo something or other with outdoor music and cheap beer. Kinda seemed like a local hole in the wall place that manages to hang on among the casinos somehow. Service sucked, beer was flat but cheap, and the entertainer was a one man band. While he wasn't musically talented, he was hilarious and had ZERO political correctness and a mouth that would make a sailor blush. And he was mic'ed. And you could hear him cuss and talk about lady parts a block away. Mid-afternoon. I like this place.<br />
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We had supper at Jakes - pretty good over all. Service was indifferent but adequate. Food was really good. If we were smart we would've planned things better so we could've stayed in Deadwood for the night, but we mistakenly decided to stay in Spearfish so we had a late night trek there from the casino.<br />
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I was hot on blackjack. And we had the 3 coolest dealers on the planet. All 3 were older (2 ladies, one guy) and all 3 had been dealing for 23 years. They were damn funny and made playing a whole lot more fun. While I won't go into the specifics of how I managed to do so well, I tipped 30% on what I was playing for the night, another 30% on what I won on the night, and walked away from the table after 5 hours with 30% more still in my pocket than I started with. You can do the math if you want, but I fucking dominated blackjack. And I'm surprised because I was utilizing their free drinks all night long. Even though it was terrible booze (though the red wine was OK actually), it was free booze. So they lost their ass on me. I was thinking I'd be playing some Texas Hold'em, but never got away from the BlackJack table. You don't break a streak. Not even to piss. Unfortunately for me, I'm not a huge better, so my take was percentage high, but not huge numbers. My success was offset by my buddy who was traveling with us who lost far more than I earned in the same amount of time. Though in his defense, he was playing like a fucking moron. He pre-decided before we sat at the table that he was splitting everything all night long at every opportunity. And he doubled down more times than I can count. And he was betting about 3 times the amounts I was playing. But he has disposable income like that, and his wife had green lit the expenditure so it was no-holds barred while we were at that table.<br />
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I gamble maybe twice a year (unless you consider getting tickets to the Cubs gambling...) so I'm pretty well set for a while now. This of course excludes any gambling done at poker nights with the guys. That doesn't count in my book.<br />
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My only other thought on this now way to fricking long stream of consciousness bowl of turds is damn I've missed the NFL. My prediction is Seattle vs. Denver with Seattle winning the Superbowl. The Steelers will have a losing record. Kansas City will make the playoffs. And I'm leaning towards the Bears making the playoffs, though they looked like crap against the Vikings last weekend. I'm pretty sure the Vikings didn't want to win that game, and the Bears won it by accident.<br />
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<a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/sponsored-red-lobster-taking-up-the-vanguard-in-th,32679/" target="_blank">Red Lobster: Taking Up The Vanguard In The Fight Against Women In The Workplace</a></h1>
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ORLANDO, FL—In today’s fast-paced corporate world, it sometimes seems as if the moral fabric of our society has been stretched beyond recognition in the name of so-called social progress.<br />
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Bowing to the twin demons of feminism and political correctness, many businesses have readily yielded to the pressures of the country’s advancing women’s rights front, allowing their fear of losing a few customers to cloud their judgment and dilute their most fundamental of values.
But not at Red Lobster.<br />
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For over 40 years, the country’s preeminent seafood restaurant chain has strived to maintain a respectable business environment in both its restaurants and its corporate structure. And though the currents of change may have shaken the resolve of other eateries, Red Lobster’s leadership is in firm agreement that their company now and forever will remain at the forefront in the ongoing fight against women in the workplace.<br />
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“Red Lobster’s corporate values have always been directly aligned with the interests of the traditional American family, and that means we are vigorously opposed to the female infiltration of the workplace,” said Clarence Otis Jr., CEO of Red Lobster’s parent company Darden Restaurants Inc., and a self-described “die-hard opponent” of the women’s rights movement.
“That’s why, when you step into one of our restaurants for a taste of the most delicious seafood around, you won’t see a single female employee who isn't a server or hostess, and you’ll never, ever see a woman working in any kind of supervisory role.”
“<br />
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That’s our promise to you,” Otis continued.<br />
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<a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/sponsored-red-lobster-taking-up-the-vanguard-in-th,32679/" target="_blank">Click through for the full piece</a>.
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It is that great time of year again where water remains in its liquid form in the outdoors - summer time - aka construction and/or mosquito season depending on where you live (both for me).</div>
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I just wanted post a quick reminder to all you ladies out there about your fashion choices.</div>
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I'm a tall man, and when I walk up to the table where you are seated, I inevitably will be looking down at you with a few exceptions in most Red Lobster bars. Back in my olden days, I'd actually squat down or kneel down next to my booths to get at or below their eye level. This was also advantageous because I could hear people better.</div>
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But as I aged (read as my knees went to shit and back began to betray me...) I largely had to stop doing this. So I'd arrive at your table and regularly get a nice view all the way down your blouse to your belly button ring.</div>
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I know when you were at home looking the mirror that your lose v-neck summer weight blouse seemed like a good idea. It doesn't look all that bad on your frankly. But it is more revealing than you might realize. Just standing here I can see that lefty got a double piercing and you have a long hair growing out of righty.</div>
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Believe me, I'm not some prude opposed to looking at free titties. But I suspect that this is not the intent of many of you ladies when you were going out to dinner. And I'm not talking about the trashed out skanks where this was the intent to begin with. If you come in wearing something from Madonna's concert wardrobe that basically says "please stare at my rack all night long" I won't fell bad if you're getting checked out. Though ironically, more often than not if you are wearing that outfit, you're NOT the woman we want to look at anyhow. Though our old bus boys were less discriminating...I digress.</div>
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So as you are picking things out ladies, keep this top view in mind if you care about your modesty. And when you forget, the male servers of the world thank you.</div>
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Other runner-up views are side boob, sleeveless boob views through the pits, and the always reliable bending over down blouse view.</div>
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And yes, I should be applauded for not including a picture...</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JKO7CIHskOc/UYVmD1Pq6_I/AAAAAAAAAlQ/R-aI8A0R_hw/s1600/ClusterFuck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JKO7CIHskOc/UYVmD1Pq6_I/AAAAAAAAAlQ/R-aI8A0R_hw/s400/ClusterFuck.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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If you haven't heard, Red Lobster has recently reversed course on the changes they had made to their rules for how many tables a server can take at one time. Sandra Pedicini of the <a href="http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/breakingnews/os-red-lobster-servers-tables-20130416,0,2674340.story" target="_blank">Orlando Sentinel covered it here</a>.<br />
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Let me explain for you the depths of this corporate clusterfuck.<br />
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When you as a company, make intentional, strategic choices that force the best service staff your company has to offer to leave the company for greener pastures and then you change rules to disastrous effect there is no one to blame but corporate leadership<br />
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It should come as no surprise to you when you try to give the left over green servers and largely incompetent remains (there are still a few good people undoubtedly) more tables, that it is a recipe for disaster.<br />
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When I started serving for Red Lobster, first on the floor by myself, I got a 2 table section. I gave those tables great service, proved my ability over a month or two, and was finally given a 3 table section. I lived with that as I learned the ropes for probably the next 12-18 months. Maybe longer. I made fine tips, learned to do my side work while managing my tables, and advanced to the point I was helping other servers on top of this. It was roughly at this point I became a server trainer. I was also at this point given the opportunity to take shifts where when we would cut staff it would mean I might have a 4th or even a 5th table for brief periods of time. Again, I did this for a year or so, until I was finally given the opportunity to be a closer. In those days, especially on Friday and Saturday nights, being a closer was like hitting the jackpot on some weekends. After everyone was closed and most everyone had gone home, it wasn't uncommon to get a little late rush. 6 tables? No problem if you rotate between me and the other closer. 7 tables? Sure, just seat the bartender one in the rotation. 8 tables? Now I'm getting busy, but I'll put off my closing sidework until after close. At roughly 9 tables I'd better get a manager to start making salads. But we could do it, and still give good service because we had slowly worked our way there. Now I won't contend that my 9 table service is equal to my 4 table service, it isn't, but it was still surprisingly good. As long as they are clustered in one area where I can quickly survey them all for needs, I could keep up. And since these periods always were short, and the tables were at various stages of dining, it was possible. 9 tables at once is not possible if they all walk in at the same time BTW. Good workflow, good habits, and being on the tail end of getting everything stocked before people leave for home sets this up to work just fine. And the money would roll in. I closed 5 nights a week 50ish weeks a year for this very reason.<br />
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But in the current mess Red Lobster corporate leadership systematically drove away their best servers over the past few years. The best trainers, the experienced, hard working people who had been in the trenches for years and sometimes decades started to flee the company like rats jumping ship. I called out this warning on many occasions here on the blog. But unfortunately, Orlando (corporate HQ) has shown time and time again that it is in a bubble outside the real world of the day to day operations of their restaurants. So gone were the best of the service staff due to the enforcement of 3 table sections. Gone were any good newcomers who were unwilling to be indentured servants known as "server assistants" for months on end. Gone were the good bar tenders who could competently take tables. And you were left with a bunch of green, incompetent and largely untested servers. And you added another table into the mix without making many of them ever earn it. And the shit hit the fan.<br />
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Customer complaints skyrocketed. Comps climbed like a thermometer in the sun in Phoenix in July. Staff were stressed, management frustrated and kitchens irate. All because there was no wisdom nor vision at the top of the corporate structure. I've warned for years that Red Lobster has lost its way, and it was because the brain was dead while the body kept on working.<br />
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So on the heels of all this, Red Lobster has had to take back the 4th table so people who probably have yet to be proven to be 3 table ready can get back to barely getting by and keep their heads above water. Sad. To think that people get stock options to screw things up this badly is hard to fathom.<br />
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I feel especially bad for the few remaining rockstars who due to various life circumstances have had to stick it out through all of this. People who couldn't leave because Red Lobster is still the best option in their town in spite of this. People who had to stay for the health insurance. People like that will once again be punished with a 3 table section due to the lowest common denominator principle of service. When you as an organization are making corporate wide decisions based on the least competent of your service staff, you're in deep, deep trouble. Red Lobster, you were great at one time, but now you're reduced to this. 3 table sections, 1/2 price Lobsterfest meals, losing your best staff and destroying your culture. I'm glad I liquidated all my Darden stock a long time ago. I won't be losing sleep for you as you brought this on yourself. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
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This is America. We will find you. We will not be intimidated. I don't care what your unholy self serving agenda is, you will be stopped.<br />
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I'd like to encourage my government to institute public crucifixions for all who were part of this plot. Whip them, beat them, nail them to a cross on the White House lawn as an example for all the world to see. Don't fuck with us or we'll hang you out there to die slow and miserable like.<br />
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And when you die after a slow, torturous last few days and you arrive in hell, I'd only ask that you be placed in the pit for the outhouses in hell. A deserving place for you to be.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
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One thing I have taken note of this year is the exceptional branding the NCAA has done with their product. While some of the games are being shown on the largely obscure TruTV station, and many others on TNT or TBS, a significant number are on good old broadcast CBS. But that's not the great branding job. Where the NCAA has hit it perfectly is by making ALL of these games available for viewing online. That is outstanding. Take your very best product and give it away to everyone with internet for free. <br />
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I sat in a restaurant late last night watching some of a game on my phone. At no charge. Installed an app, and off it went. You want to build your base, this is how you do it. You don't do it by burying your best games on NFL network. You don't do it buy having a League Pass. You don't do it by creating something called "Insider" and charging extra for it (yes, ESPN, you're not above criticism in this).<br />
<br />
Sure, the NCAA has gotten a sweet TV package to support this, but they've gone above and beyond where they didn't have to. While I'm normally on the outside looking in at these games because I don't care, I've been drawn in more this year that probably any other, and it is because I can follow the game from my office, to the bus, walk down my block and into my house and not miss a dribble, no look pass, or buzzer beater 3.<br />
<br />
Well done.<br />
<br />
The only direct thing this has to do with Red Lobster is that I've seen a crazy amount of surf & turf ads via these games from Outback Steakhouse. Looks like a good price for their steak and lobster. I might have to check it out.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bnGoRhTNijc/UUXHNiCX1wI/AAAAAAAAAkc/zMzQ3r-RJ8s/s1600/midleton-rare-irish-whiskey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bnGoRhTNijc/UUXHNiCX1wI/AAAAAAAAAkc/zMzQ3r-RJ8s/s320/midleton-rare-irish-whiskey.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
<br />
Drink be with me, drink within me,
don't drink behind me, don't drink before me,
drink beside me, drink to win me,
drink to comfort and restore me.
This leads to drinks beneath me, drinks above me,
passed out in quiet, our lives in danger,
fear in hearts of all that love me,
drinks in mouth of friend and stranger.
I bind unto myself the taste,
The strong taste of whisky, wine and women;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One is grand, and One in Three is nice for me,
Of Whom all debauchery hath creation,
Eternally hung over, spirit in my cup, words of wisdom for all:
Praise to the drink of my salvation,
Whisky is my king.<br />
<br />
<br />
My ex is an Irish woman from the Boston area, and that seems about right for her family. To her credit, she turned me on to Irish whisky. While not my preferred Scotch, it'll do in a pinch!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
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<br />
<br />
Hilarious!
<br />
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<br />
<a href="http://whoisthathotadgirl.tumblr.com/">http://whoisthathotadgirl.tumblr.com/</a><br />
<br />
Ever wonder who some tight little nameless hottie was in some commercial you saw? This is the place to find out.<br />
<br />
It's amazing how many of the women I look at on the site having paid no attention to them in the actual commercial, but now that they are featured it becomes obvious they are beautiful. I guess I'm getting old and losing it or going blind (or both...).<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YjOqga2YGAE/URccSkVbzkI/AAAAAAAAAjA/qDvA0Hu9p-0/s1600/Stick+figure+family.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YjOqga2YGAE/URccSkVbzkI/AAAAAAAAAjA/qDvA0Hu9p-0/s320/Stick+figure+family.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Unless your sticker says "My doberman could beat up your honor student and then hump his leg while your child lies there crying and soiling himself."<br />
<br />
And what is it with GLBT people's cars? Just how many stickers do you folks need? I have yet to meet a gay person whose car wasn't stickered. Even rich gays sneak one in there somewhere.<br />
<br />
And while we're on the subject, what is it about Subaru's that make them so attractive to lesbians?<br />
<br />
This is the kind of shit that keeps me up at night now. I need more scotch to turn that part of my brain off.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="295" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/uTREAnXB2E0?rel=0" width="500"></iframe>
<br />
<br />
If you want my opinion - the Lobster Lover's Dream is my favorite. If I want something light I'd go with the Harborside & skip the drawn butter. If you've had a true "bake" on the NE Atlantic coast, I'd avoid the Bar Harbor Lobster Bake. If you've only lived in the Midwest and never had fresh seafood on the coast you might be surprised to find you like it. And the Lobster Tacos sound like a good idea until you get to the last taco and it is cold, runny, and a bit funky. It's a good idea, but I don't think it will be on next year's menu.<br />
<br />
Featured menu items for 2013 <a href="http://www.redlobster.com/menus/specials/" target="_blank">Lobsterfest at Red Lobster</a>:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Wood Grilled Lobster Tacos</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PvH8ucUS6Hk/USBT-YYwZoI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/tu8dRzuVq9M/s1600/wood-grilled-lobster-tacos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PvH8ucUS6Hk/USBT-YYwZoI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/tu8dRzuVq9M/s320/wood-grilled-lobster-tacos.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A wood-grilled split Maine lobster tail and three lobster-and-shrimp
tacos with cilantro slaw, fresh pico de gallo and spicy ranch sauce.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Maine Lobster & Shrimp Trio</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rcRDqHg78fc/USBUSgftcCI/AAAAAAAAAjY/eOxdWCyGsX0/s1600/maine-lobster-trio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rcRDqHg78fc/USBUSgftcCI/AAAAAAAAAjY/eOxdWCyGsX0/s320/maine-lobster-trio.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A wood-grilled Maine lobster tail, garlic-grilled shrimp, and
lobster-and-shrimp mac 'n' cheese with a white Cheddar and bacon sauce,
topped with Parmesan crumbs. Served with wild rice pilaf.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bar Harbor Lobster Bake</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bdZlpo0UfLU/USBUioRhMeI/AAAAAAAAAjg/GD1RDrHvGkQ/s1600/bar-harbor-lobster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bdZlpo0UfLU/USBUioRhMeI/AAAAAAAAAjg/GD1RDrHvGkQ/s320/bar-harbor-lobster.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A roasted split Maine lobster tail, tender shrimp, sea scallops, mussels, and linguini in a garlic and white wine broth.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Rock Island Stuffed Tilapia</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ANsZXhunNWk/USBU2oLKowI/AAAAAAAAAjo/P1X56CiCEQ0/s1600/rock-island-tilapia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ANsZXhunNWk/USBU2oLKowI/AAAAAAAAAjo/P1X56CiCEQ0/s320/rock-island-tilapia.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Fresh tilapia roasted with crab-and-seafood stuffing and topped with
Maine lobster meat in a creamy lobster butter sauce. Served with fresh
broccoli.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Lobster and Shrimp Linguini Alfredo</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iY1gssdckvc/USBVOdCy4EI/AAAAAAAAAjw/dY9oV2gWKCE/s1600/lobster-shrimp-linguini.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iY1gssdckvc/USBVOdCy4EI/AAAAAAAAAjw/dY9oV2gWKCE/s320/lobster-shrimp-linguini.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Wood Grilled Sirloin Surf & Turf</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F-TdrdRw8Zk/USBViUEG8bI/AAAAAAAAAj4/PQGom4pAlC4/s1600/wood-grilled-sirloin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F-TdrdRw8Zk/USBViUEG8bI/AAAAAAAAAj4/PQGom4pAlC4/s320/wood-grilled-sirloin.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A succulent rock lobster tail and a peppercorn-rubbed center-cut sirloin, served with mashed potatoes.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b> Lobster Lover's Dream</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1BQEEGUlfyY/USBVx9oJhKI/AAAAAAAAAkA/kKKjjKuHnGc/s1600/lobster-lovers-dream.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1BQEEGUlfyY/USBVx9oJhKI/AAAAAAAAAkA/kKKjjKuHnGc/s320/lobster-lovers-dream.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A succulent rock lobster tail and sweet split Maine lobster tail, roasted and served with lobster and shrimp linguini Alfredo.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Harborside Lobster & Shrimp</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kPju-M0rgU8/USBWC1PzpjI/AAAAAAAAAkI/oZC4G5qryNc/s1600/harborside.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kPju-M0rgU8/USBWC1PzpjI/AAAAAAAAAkI/oZC4G5qryNc/s320/harborside.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A roasted rock lobster tail, savory garlic shrimp scampi and a skewer of garlic-grilled shrimp over wild rice pilaf.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
Pretty sure you couldn't force more mucus down my throat if you stuffed a fire hose up my nose.<br />
<br />
This is what happens when you let children touch you. I should've known better.<br />
<br />
Now I have to go get some pseudo-ephedrine like some fucking criminal meth head.<br />
<br />
Damn you infectious diseases wrought on this world by children.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: black; width: 520px;">
<div style="padding: 4px;">
<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:cms:video:colbertnation.com:220490" width="512"></iframe><br />
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 4px; padding: 4px; text-align: left;">
<b>The Colbert Report</b> <br />
Get More: <a href="http://www.colbertnation.com/full-episodes/">Colbert Report Full Episodes</a>,<a href="http://www.indecisionforever.com/">Political Humor & Satire Blog</a>,<a href="http://www.colbertnation.com/video">Video Archive</a></div>
</div>
</div>
<br />
A little Colbert humor never hurts.<br />
<br />
<br />
As a server at Red Lobster, Valentine's Day for me always ushered in my favorite time of the year - Lent. If you are going to ever make bank at a seafood restaurant, it's during Lent.<br />
<br />
And Red Lobster provides the added bonus of Lobsterfest to add to the tally. Good times.<br />
<br />
And since I worked in an area that has a pretty high concentration of Catholics for some reason, it was all the more better for my wallet.<br />
<br />
<br />
A word to the wise out there - don't propose to your girlfriend/babymama/skank tonight while at Red Lobster. It's not a proposal story that is going to improve with age.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4ghGIt_dZdU/URcbtUvjrsI/AAAAAAAAAi4/NuVieRWjrIs/s1600/headphones+and+farts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4ghGIt_dZdU/URcbtUvjrsI/AAAAAAAAAi4/NuVieRWjrIs/s1600/headphones+and+farts.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
This would've been useful for a couple of people I encountered this week. One guy on the train, and a lady at my gym. Beano folks, let's use it. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LBEPW6SiqWA/URcbg2jhVlI/AAAAAAAAAiw/eWylqUhRISY/s1600/cell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LBEPW6SiqWA/URcbg2jhVlI/AAAAAAAAAiw/eWylqUhRISY/s1600/cell.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
But this is about self-important shit for brain servers who feel like they must Tweet everything and get every single text message photo of their girlfriend's cat taking a dump the instant it is sent or the world may come to a screeching halt.<br />
<br />
It won't. Put the fucking phone away dumbass. Sidework needs to be done, and where are you? In the corner playing pocket pool with your cell phone. You're at work. I just walked your last two tables of food while you were texting some skeezy dude who is going to bang you ditch you the first chance he gets.<br />
<br />
I don't care if your wife/daughter/sister/grandma/pit bull is about to give birth. They can do it without you, or take the night off for fucks sake. Put the phone away.<br />
<br />
As a long time server, I'm not one to complain about service, but if I see you using your phone, if your phone buzzes, beeps, vibrates or bangs while you are near my table, it is no-holds barred hell that I am going to make your life.<br />
<br />
Be professional. Have some boundaries. Grow up. Put the phone away and go to work and maybe you'll actually make something of yourself in this life rather than just the self-inflated idea you have in your imagination.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<b>Waiter hailed as hero after standing up for boy with Down syndrome</b></h2>
by Lisa Flam, NBC News<br /><br />A Houston waiter who refused to serve a customer last week did not lose his job. Instead, Michael Garcia is being celebrated for standing up for a little boy with Down syndrome, with people stopping to shake his hand at the restaurant where regulars are made to feel like part of the family.<br />Five-year-old Milo Castillo has lots of friends in preschool and loves to give hugs.<br />Courtesy Kim Castillo<br />Five-year-old Milo Castillo has lots of friends in preschool and loves to give hugs.<br /><br />One of those regulars, Kim Castillo, was at Laurenzo’s Prime Rib in Houston last week when several waiters stopped by her table. Her 5-year-old son, Milo, who has Down syndrome and whose speech is a little delayed, was showing off his new words and talking about his birthday the week earlier.<br /><br />A family sitting nearby asked to move away from the Castillo family's table, and a man in the group made a disparaging remark about Milo.<br /><br />“I heard the man say, ‘Special needs children need to be special somewhere else,’” Garcia told NBC affiliate KPRC-TV in. “My personal feelings took over, and I told him, ‘I’m not going to be able to serve you, Sir.’”<br /><br />“‘How could you say that?’” Garcia said he asked the man before he left the restaurant with his party. “‘How could you say that about a beautiful 5-year-old angel?’”<br /><br />Castillo, who noticed the family move but didn’t hear the remark, was grateful when she later found out what Garcia had done, even more so when she learned that the other family were regular customers as well.<br /><br />“I was impressed that somebody would step out of their own comfort level and put their job on the line as well as to stand up for somebody else,” she said. “I know Michael did it from his heart, and from reacting to the situation. I don’t think he stopped and thought about what he was doing.”<br /><br />Of the other family, she said, "It's sad that they're ignorant."<br />
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<br />
<a href="http://www.today.com/moms/waiter-hailed-hero-after-standing-boy-down-syndrome-1B8038223" target="_blank">Click through for the full article</a>.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CJHDm9LqxK8/UOtHbdK1F1I/AAAAAAAAAiE/ZwFiihyIUIM/s1600/Red_Lobster_Margaritas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CJHDm9LqxK8/UOtHbdK1F1I/AAAAAAAAAiE/ZwFiihyIUIM/s1600/Red_Lobster_Margaritas.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Serves 8to10</div>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Ingredients:</div>
<ul class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>1/2 cup fresh lemon juice (from 4 to 5 lemons)</li>
<li>1/2 cup fresh lime juice (from 2 to 3 limes)</li>
<li>A splash of fresh orange juice (from half an orange)</li>
<li>1 cup sugar</li>
<li>1 1/2 cups tequila</li>
<li>3/4 cup Triple Sec</li>
<li>3 3/4 cups water</li>
<li>Ice</li>
</ul>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Preparation:</div>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Red Lobster Margaritas</div>
<ol class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>In a pitcher (or blender), combine the sugar and water. Stir until the sugar is dissolved.</li>
<li>Add the lemon and lime juices, and the splash of orange juice.</li>
<li>Mix in the tequila and the Triple Sec, and stir well.</li>
<li>Keep in the refrigerator until ready to serve.</li>
</ol>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
For Straight-Up Margarita:</div>
<ol class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>Combine the prepared margarita with ice in a shaker.</li>
<li>Shake 20 to 30 times.</li>
<li>Strain into chilled martini or margarita glass.</li>
<li>Garnish with a lime wheel.</li>
</ol>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
For Margarita on the Rocks:</div>
<ol class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>Combine the prepared margarita with ice in a shaker and strain into martini or margarita glass filled with ice.</li>
<li>Garnish with a lemon wheel.</li>
</ol>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
For Margarita with a Salt Rim:</div>
<ol class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>To salt glasses, rub the rim of the glass with lime or lemon first.</li>
<li>Gently dip into saucer laced with kosher salt. (Please note: Do this before the glass is filled with ice or cocktail.)</li>
</ol>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Chef's Tip:</div>
The key to a great margarita is not to over-salt the rim of the
glass. Start by running a quartered lime around the rim of the glass.
Pour some coarse or kosher salt onto a napkin, and then lightly touch
the glass rim to the salt. Shake off any excess so that only a small
crust remains.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-67ZLkz7A1hs/UOtGPobtVvI/AAAAAAAAAh4/5Ph7haKktVY/s1600/Sangria.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-67ZLkz7A1hs/UOtGPobtVvI/AAAAAAAAAh4/5Ph7haKktVY/s1600/Sangria.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
This comes from Red Lobster's recipes.<br />
<br />
<br />
This special variation of sangria would be the perfect complement for
South Beach Seafood Paella. Try orange wedges and green apple chunks
for a beautiful garnish.<br />
<br />
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Serves 4<b> (or one if you really want to tie one on!)</b></div>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
<br /></div>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Ingredients:</div>
<ul class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>4 oz. canned cranberries, pureed</li>
<li>1 bottle of Chardonnay</li>
<li>1 bottle of White Zinfandel</li>
<li>2 oz. Tuaca liquor</li>
<li>1 mini-bottle (approximately 1 2/3 oz.) of Sour Apple Pucker</li>
<li>1 mini-bottle (approximately 1 2/3 oz.) of Triple Sec</li>
<li>4 oz. cranberry juice</li>
<li>2 oz. orange juice</li>
<li>Orange wedges and green apple chunks for garnish</li>
</ul>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Preparation:</div>
<ol class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>Place the canned cranberries in a blender and puree for
approximately 4-5 seconds. The mixture should not be totally smooth.
Measure out 4 ounces.</li>
<li>In a two-quart container or pitcher, combine all the ingredients.</li>
<li>Stir well and store in refrigerator until ready to serve.</li>
<li>Serve approximately 6 ounces of the beverage over ice in a tall
glass. Garnish with a fresh skewer of fruit using the orange wedges and
green apple chunks.</li>
</ol>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Chef's Tips:</div>
It's best to make sangria a day in advance, because the longer the
flavors can blend together, the better. Don’t put the fruit into the
sangria at the last minute. Allow it to soak up the flavor of the
liquids.
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><b>Use a quality wine in your sangria</b></span>, and make sure to put it in the
glass or pitcher before you start mixing in the other ingredients. Since
fruit is a great expression of the seasons, use those types that are
fresh and in season. For example, during the summer, mix a white wine
with peaches, nectarines and blueberries. In the winter, use citrus
fruits like oranges and tangerines. In the fall, choose apples and
berries.
Be sure you use fruit juices that are consistent with the fruits in
your sangria. In the summer, use peach nectar. If you’re using citrus
fruits, use orange juice. If you're using berries, use cranberry juice.<br />
<br />
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<br />
And so I'm looking at the site, and the first advertisement that Google serves me up? A ad for Red Lobster's current promo. I laughed out loud. You'd think that maybe they'd make an exception and NOT give me that ad. I could care less about it being on the blog, but to me personally? It'd be like giving Mike Tyson advertisements for boxing lessons.<br />
<br />
If I haven't mentioned previously, my ad revenue goes to a good charity of my choosing. While it isn't a ton of money, I'm sure it helps them out, as nearly every quality charity runs on a pretty tight budget.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
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This comes from Red Lobster's Recipes. </div>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
<br /></div>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Serves 4</div>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Ingredients:</div>
<ul class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>1 Cup Green Olives, chopped small</li>
<li>1 tsp Capers</li>
<li>1 Tbsp Diced Shallots</li>
<li>1 Tbsp Minced Garlic</li>
<li>¼ cup Chopped Green Tomatoes</li>
<li>1 tsp Finely Chopped Basil</li>
<li>1Tbsp Pure Olive Oil</li>
<li>To taste Salt</li>
</ul>
<div class="rl_recipe_subhead">
Preparation:</div>
<ul class="rl_recipe_list">
<li>Combine all ingredients in mixing bowl cover tightly, refrigerate
(for a slightly smoother texture you can blend items in blender for
10-15 seconds)</li>
</ul>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VboHCIhr2H0/UO2-sHGowOI/AAAAAAAAAiY/KT9GRCS6yq4/s1600/No+eye+contact.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VboHCIhr2H0/UO2-sHGowOI/AAAAAAAAAiY/KT9GRCS6yq4/s400/No+eye+contact.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
We need to talk about gym etiquette for a moment apparently. <br />
<br />
If your lunch yesterday consisted of cabbage, beans, and onions, and then you ate the super spicy burrito and washed it down with a bucket of tequila, please don't come to the gym. The fans in the gym are strategically placed so as to move air to keep people cool. But what that means when you are ass-fogging the joint is that while you don't smell it much (it is blowing away from you) the rest of us have watering eyes and are barely able to keep from blowing chunks. Those aren't beads of sweat, but tears from our eyes you merciless old hag. We thought about stabbing you, but the idea that more of those gasses might escape kept us all from doing it. I mean seriously, if you had to drive here to the gym with your windows down in the middle of winter because you couldn't take it, what the hell did you think the effect on the gym would be. Fuck me. And nobody will be able to use that bathroom until a <a href="http://www.epa.gov/superfund/" target="_blank">EPA superfund cleanup</a> team has a chance to sanitize it.<br />
<br />
And for you Mr. EatsaBaleofHay - flush. That little silver handle on the place you are making your deposits isn't there for fashion. I don't need to know what you ate for the last week. I don't to see or smell your shit sitting in the bowl. Sure, when you go it's going to smell, I'm not talking about that. It is when it sits there. Festering. Emitting smells that should never escape from a turd. Concentrating in that stall so that when some poor schlep like me hustles in because that last leg press has given me a turtle head sticking out, I get the unexpected punch to the nose from your stench to go with my about to rebel bowels.<br />
<br />
The other person I want to address today is you Mr. NoDeodorant. I know it seems backwards to put deodorant on before getting sweaty, but you really need to do so. It cracks me up that you are here looking all buff and macho but that you smell like a homeless guy's nutsack mixed with rancid sour cream. The chicks don't dig it, none of us do. Believe me, if your hygiene is that poor under your pits, nobody is ever getting near your dick. Doesn't matter how your muscles look. And following your workout you have the nerve to go directly into one of the tanning booths. That room will be unusable for hours now jackass. Sure, I guess you are helping prevent other people getting skin cancer and dieing, which is nice, but that still doesn't justify you spreading that foul-assed funk.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/MK6ssCrD-bI" width="640"></iframe>
<br />
<br />
Along with this, if you get the Red Lobster emails (sign up on their web site) they have recently sent out an email coupon for $4 off 2 dinner entrees or $3 off 2 lunch entrees.<br />
<br />
Not a bad deal if you like what they are offering for the shrimp.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: red;">New</span> Mango-Jalapeño Grilled Shrimp over wild rice pilaf<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kFtis1DbExs/UOtEdEPbI_I/AAAAAAAAAhg/WolOyAl60a0/s1600/mango-grilled-shrimp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kFtis1DbExs/UOtEdEPbI_I/AAAAAAAAAhg/WolOyAl60a0/s320/mango-grilled-shrimp.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: red;">New</span> Crunchy Parmesan Ranch Shrimp<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yRvOvoNjckQ/UOtEhiC6NdI/AAAAAAAAAho/45Pxdt3WJI4/s1600/crunchy-shrimp-cheese.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yRvOvoNjckQ/UOtEhiC6NdI/AAAAAAAAAho/45Pxdt3WJI4/s320/crunchy-shrimp-cheese.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Or you can get the good 'ole <br />
Hand-Breaded Shrimp<br />Garlic Shrimp Scampi<br />Shrimp Linguini Alfredo<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />If you go this route, both of the new shrimp are pretty tasty, though I'm not a big mango fan so I'd personally not order them again. The Parmesan Ranch Shrimp should be eaten just seconds after the cool to the point they won't scorch your mouth. Don't let them cool, they aren't nearly as appetizing after sitting on your plate for a while.<br />
<br />
But if you are asking me, I'd stay away from the promo and go with the simple but far better quality butterflied shrimp. 18 of those beauties and I'm in grease induced heaven.<br />
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