From time to time I am reminded that the world needs fashion police. And unfortunately they need a regional precinct located at my restaurant. Since that doesn't appear to be happening any time soon, I'll share with you some friendly suggestions on fashion for when you are visiting Red Lobster (and pretty much any where else).
The following are things to avoid:
1. If it is your first date, wearing matching hat and shirt, as well as carrying matching sunglasses, wallet, phone (Nextel!), and having a phone ring tone of your favorite Nascar race driver is going a bit overboard. Even if it is the only thing clean. Even if it is your best shirt and hat. Even if she "likes NASCAR". A lot.
2. If your skirt is so short I can tell you got a Brazilian wax yesterday you might want to remind yourself to keep your legs closed when sitting in our restaurant.
3. If the back side of your bra looks like it has a headlock on a string of sausages, you need professional help.
4. If you have to unbutton something to keep eating, it might be time to move up a size. Or two.
5. Crushed velvet sweat pants.
6. Running shorts. Yeah, just what everyone wants to think about when eating, Richard Simmons.
7. Rhinestones. Ugh.
8. Sequins. The 80's called, and they want their prom dress back.
9. Wife beater tee-shirts are only appropriate for drive through service. No matter how many gold chains you are wearing.
10. If you have double D's that point toward your toes from you 6 children, wearing a tight (and stained) white tee-shirt with no bra will make me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
11. You need to change your clothes more often than you go through a carton of cigarettes. Even if you smoke a carton a day.
12. Your shirt has buttons for a reason, use them. We don't all want to see where you had open heart surgery, and who knows what else.
13. Ladies, we don't want to see your plumbers crack. There is a weight limit on low rise jeans. Many of you exceed it.
14. Goth is out. Especially if you are 40.
15. Sandals and socks. These were never in.
16. Ladies, if you gut hangs over your belt you shouldn't wear a midriff showing shirt. We'll just think it is a old shirt that fit you 4 sizes ago, not sexy.
17. Zebra stripes. They only look good on Zebras.
18. Wearing a tee-shirt stating "Free mustache rides". Especially if you are a woman. Especially if you are a woman with a mustache.
Related Tags: Fashion, Fashion tips, Bad fashion, fashion mistake, Nascar, Nextel, Going out, Skirt, Brazilian Wax, Bra, Sweat Pants, Running Shorts, Proper attire, Rhinestones, Sequins, Dress, Wife Beater, Tee-Shirt, T-Shirt, Plumbers Crack, Low Rise Jeans, Zebra, Mustache