Wednesday, December 19, 2007
This time of year is like being a server in an obstacle course. It's bad enough that we have to dodge walkers and old people on their scooters, and hell-spawned crotch droppings of every ilk. But now we have the gift ooze.
I don't mind that you want to celebrate in my restaurant. Heck, I encourage it. It's good for my pocket. But there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.
The wrong way: placing your gift boxes and bags in walkways and next to your table, or placing them in high traffic areas. If someone steps on your packages I'm going to laugh. I've seen idiots place their huge bags in the worst possible place, have someone come and stumble on said bag, and then simply put it back to it's original place, only to have yet another person nearly fall from the bag. It's especially funny when it is someone from their own party. Really. I've seen it. And laughed.
And don't put all your boxes all over the table. We have to put your food there. You did come to eat right? After your meal, throw whatever crap on the table you want, but don't do it when you sit down. You're just going to have to move it. This is really that difficult of a principle to grasp here folks, we're not splitting the atom or anything.
The right way: set your boxes and bags on an unused chair. Even when we are busy, we have chairs that we'd happily get for you so you can put that huge purple vibrator you got for your grandmother safely out of the way until later. And when we're not busy, there really is no excuse for you not asking if we can put the gifts somewhere out of the way for a little while. We're not going to steal your shit. Honestly ma'am, I'm not a 22W and never will be. And besides, that mu-mu isn't in my color chart.
And you can at least try to keep all that wrapping paper in a pile or ball it up or something. If you are going to let your hell raiser 3 year old open all their presents, please take the wrapping paper away from them. Or I'll be tempted to grab some of that ribbon you used (who uses ribbon on a child's present?) and "restrain" the child before they make any more confetti to toss on the floor.