Plastic. Of any payment sort. Let me share a few things that are bugging me.
1. Listen you friggin' morons, I know how to do my job, my competency is high. Therefore, I'm only going to say this to you one more time. YOU CAN'T ADD A TIP UNTIL YOU GIVE ME YOUR CARD TO RUN IT FIRST. On an almost weekly basis, I get lip from someone on this subject. Crawl out from under your rock you Neanderthals. This is basic credit card operation here. Do I need to smack you on the head with a ball-peen hammer? Did you eat paint chips as a child? You give me the card, I run it through the gizmo with the fancy lighted screen that doesn't show Nascar, and then you'll get a slip of paper to add your tip. Don't get pissy with me if you are unable to understand this world-wide practice.
1a. I don't need your card a second time to add the tip. Really. We've got a system established for that.
2. Sign your credit card slip there slappy. I'm quite clear when I present you with the credit card slip that I need you to sign a copy. I say that very specifically. I'll often gesture. If you are dinosaur old, I'll even "X" the appropriate line if you need. Furthermore, don't sign the check itself. Don't sign in the tip line. Don't sign on the line at the top of the credit card slip. On virtually every credit card slip on the planet, you sign at the bottom. How is this so hard to understand? I could train a seal to do this. Duh...it's not rocket surgery.
3. After you've signed a copy, leave me a copy. I say this every time I present you with a credit card slip, but yet some of you are unable to follow simple instructions. Perhaps that's why you wear Velcro shoes, ya' know with all the complexity of the shoe strings and all...
4. Just because the check presenter has only one of AMEX/Discover/Visa/Master Card pictured on it, it does not mean we ONLY take that card. We take Banamex, Diner's Club, and dozens of other cards. Just about anything short of your library or gym card will do.
5. If I come to tell you that the bank won't approve your card, running it again isn't going to put money into your account. Let's cut the crap. I was trying to couch this in a nice and simple way without embarrassing your broke ass. NSF. Non-sufficient funds. The bank doesn't just randomly bust your balls there buddy. I'm not the credit Nazi either. I don't care if you just bought your hooker a new handbag to carry your pot in with it 20 minutes before you came here. It's not working. Give me something else. Bitching to a manager won't make the card run either. And no, we're not letting you "run down to the ATM" so you can skip the bill. If there isn't any money in your account on my computer, the ATM isn't going to magically cum cash out it's butt to bail you out.
6. Take your card with you. If you leave it, I'm not going to chase you down to give it to you. I am honest, so I'll turn it into a manager, but it's your responsibility to track it down. I'm not sure the number, but we get at least 3 cards a day minimum left behind. And few ever come back to pick them up.
7. Honestly, we do still prefer to be tipped in cash, if and when possible.
8. If you use a gift card and a credit card, make sure you tip off the bill total, and not off the total showing on your credit card slip. If you used a $50 gift card on your $125 check, then leaving me a $10 tip (on a credit card slip showing $75) is a shitty tip. That's 8% you are tipping, not 15% you schlub.
9. You don't have to write "Cash" in the tip line if you are leaving us a cash tip. Simply total your bill and sign it. If you're worried I'm going to write myself in a big fat tip in the tip line, then just put a -slash- on that line, and total it. You could also use the creative -0- on that line. But by totaling the bottom line, it's pretty obvious.
10. Learn to add. I understand that you went to public skewl. But this is simple addition. SIMPLE. ADDITION. Rarely does a night go by when some cretin is unable to figure out their tip. Worst case, ask your server, many of us are pretty good at math. Especially when it comes to figuring out a percent like 15% or 20%. We'll gladly help you with that. That is a service we're happy to provide.