Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dropping the Deuce

Yes for those who are squeamish or prudes, I'm talking today about pooping. Everybody does it, so lighten up. This post was inspired by a movement earlier today. I crapped corn. Nothing wrong with that, but I haven't eaten corn in 3 days! And yes to those who are worried, I've been quite regular these past 3 days. Bizarre. I have no explanation for that.

Here's something that perplexes me. How do you crap on the floor? Or if it was intentional, why?


I've worked in a number of places in my life where a random log would roll it's way out onto the floor of the bathroom. The last time was a well placed one in the ladies restroom in my restaurant. This wasn't a little kid's pinched one out on accident. It was well placed in front of the toilet, completely missing the toilet. And either the lady didn't wipe, or the toilet paper made it just fine into the toilet, cause there wasn't any on the floor. Astonishing. Thankfully I didn't have to clean that one up (being in the ladies room and all). How do it know this? A highly trained hostess took pictures of it with her cell phone and sent it to some people. Host actually are good for something after all! Joking! Kinda!!

I can understand the hovering thing, a lot of ladies do it. But that wouldn't result in this. We're talking a foot plus off course, missing everything but the floor.

In another place I used to work in a long time ago we would from time to time find a log or two in a shower stall. The bathroom is 8 feet away.

Is this only happening where I live? These people are freaks in serious need of help.

Oh how I could go on, but I don't want to get too graphic or gross.

One of the funniest moments of my life - 10 years ago I was at a professional meeting (when I was in a different industry) and went to use the bathroom on a break. I'm minding my own business, when in the stall down a few from me I hear a guy give birth I think. Moments later, I hear "That explains the pain". I almost crapped myself while on the toilet I was laughing so hard. My sides hurt from laughing. I was in tears.


Laurie said...

Hey...I lived in a dorm in college, and YOUGUESSEDIT, once in a while we'd find a LOG on the floor in the women's room...


who frigging DOES that?!?!?

although in the college dorm situation, you can probably assume the perpetrator was at least drunk.

Or high.

Jamie said...

We found a poo in the wastebasket next to the toilet in my kids' bathroom. Culprit was our 9 year old boy, who, when asked why it wasn't in the toilet, replied "I don't know- I missed?"

Emily said...

Wow, you'd think that would HAVE to be intentional. Any woman who did that by accident (and I have no idea HOW someone could accidentally do that), she probably would have been properly humiliated enough to clean up after herself!

Glutton For Punishment said...

How do you accidentally do that? Clearly intentional...but why? Now that is one question we don't have the answer to. People are just plain disgusting...

Stephanie said...

I waited on a middle aged woman and her much MUCH older mother a few years ago. The mother was definitely out of it, looking me in the eye when I asked her questions... but answering as if we were having a completely unrelated conversation... but they were both nice enough. At the end of the meal, the old woman excuses herself to go to the bathroom and of course, we think nothing of it. After a few minutes pass, my bartender asks everyone in the ally if anyone had a table with an old women who had just gone to the bathroom... Rather sheepishly, I admit that I indeed just had a woman leave... My bartender proceeds to tell me that she was about to use the bathroom just before... when she walked in to see this old woman with ALL of her clothing off on the floor beside her, squatting in the middle of the women's room. And not just peeing. She was full on doing her business. After I picked my jaw up from the floor, I ran back to the daughter at my table and said that she may want to check on her mother in the restroom. Oh lordy. She ran in there, saw the predicament, ran out, left money on the table for me, and spent the next ten minutes trying to wrestle this old woman's clothes back on her. Oh man.

May my parents never grow old.