Monday, January 23, 2012

Perfume for the fairer sex

I didn't address this in the previous post and was asked in the comments on thoughts for the ladies.  I know far more about cologne than perfume, but I'll give you my opinion.

A)  avoid smelling like an old lady.  That means dial it down on the florals - especially lilac.  It smells good on the bush, but not on your bush.

B)  avoid anything that you imagine Britney Spears has sprayed on her vag before flashing it to the world.

3) avoid anything promoted by/bearing the name of Liz Taylor and Paris Hilton.

4)  avoid anything from Bath & Bodyworks types of places.  You can't ever get a true sense of its smell in there, and their crap is over the top strong.

You don't want to smell like hooker coochie or bingo hall.  And be subtle.  I like some spice and something exotic in a woman's perfume.  It catches me as unexpected and catches my interest and draws me in.  For women I'd say most of the Calvin Kline brands are way too much for work.  A lot of the CK lines have a good idea (think citrus) but they can't pull it off in a work setting.  It is fine for a sorority party or prom, but don't bring it to work.

I do have a weakness for two perfumes (and it is personal, both tied to women of my past).  Red by Giorgio makes me into a sex crazed monkey because of the memories associated with it.  The other is Guess perfume that I don't think is on the market any longer.

I would suggest for ladies to start by sampling:

1)  Burberry by Burberry.  I really like this scent.  Classic and flattering on a wide range of women.

2)  Opium by Yves Saint Laurent.  Only if you are over 40 though.  I'd smack a vapid teen hostess if she came in wearing this without having earned it with life experience.

3)  Romance by Ralph Lauren.  If you want a floral but don't want to gag me with it, this might be the one to pull it off.  Might.  Go light.

4)  Red by Giorgio of Beverly Hills.  Just because I'd want to throw everything off the table on the floor and have my way with you there.  Oh...did I say that out loud?  This is a woman's perfume.  Little girls need not apply.

5)  Obsession by Calvin Klein.  I like the men's, love the woman's version.  This is what falls under "oldie but goodie".  Not a lot of people wearing it now, so it isn't trendy, but it still has a great scent, and has lasting power to stay on the body for a good long time.  A fact that once got me in trouble, but that's a different story for a different blog.

6ish)  Black by Kenneth Cole.  Not for work, or at least not in food service in my opinion.  Almost too much of the violet floral, but a scent that just sticks in my mind.  A second date kind of smell.  A smell that says "I'm not going to fuck you tonight, but if you don't screw this up you still have a chance next time."  Again, go light otherwise the floral will kill everything else off ruining the application and intention.  Very sexy on the nose.  My lady has some of this and I love it.

Here's some other words of wisdom ladies - quit mixing all your shit together.  One smell of hand lotion, then a conditioner, then a body spray/mist, then a perfume.  Holy shit!  It's no wonder people react (like me) to the hazy cloud of stench following you.  Seriously - get hand lotions that are unscented.  The really good ones that actually work generally have no scent.  Those $15 tubs of balm with seizure inducing strength of scent aren't helping anyone - with one exception - the Bert's Bee's Hand Salve.  That shit is amazing, though strong scented.

And don't use a body spray/mist after you get out of the shower.  I speak for all men of the world, we don't care how much you like it, it makes our bathrooms smell like a brothel, and we outright fucking hate every one of those scents.  Those sprays might be great if you are a lesbian, but for us men, leave them on the store shelf.  And I suspect most lesbians don't like them either, though I can't back that up with data.


theblonde said...

Great insight!
I go with Clinique Happy when I'm at work, because I use a citrus-y body wash and shampoo, so I'm not mixing any scents.
I like it because it's pleasant, fresh, and clean without being overpowering.

Anonymous said...

I don't wear heavy scents - I have one for winter and a different one for warmer months, but I have to say I didn't wear parfume when I was serving.

Good old fashioned soap, water and talc [obviously deordorant] worked fine in keeping me comfortable and not bothering the guests with a scent.

I am not allergic to parfumes or colognes, but I don't like smelling my servers personal choice while eating my dinner. No matter how subtle.

Anonymous said...

Some good ones that are not alcholicy smelling or too much are Envy me by Gucci, Leu Du Issey by issey miyake and light blue by dolce n gabanna

Fiona said...

I love She Wood by Dsquared, and alternate it with Eternity Moments.

Mat Black said...

A) avoid smelling like an old lady. That means dial it down on the florals - especially lilac. It smells good on the bush, but not on your bush.

Holy crap that made me laugh! Well said.

Peaches said...

I've used the same scent since 1988, when I first learned about it. I used to be able to get it at Nordstrom but now rely on mail order. Called Anne Pliska, I have received many compliments on it and 4 or 5 women I know bought it and liked it as well. We've all had compliments by men - one man told a friend she smelled like "cookies baking"...

One to avoid (if it's still available) is "Poison" (Dior?) - a co-worker wore it and it smelled like bug spray on her.

And, if you're going to be out in public, put your cologne on an hour or more before going out - allow it to mellow with your skin :)

Confessions from the Hairdresser said...

And LILLIES, few things are more mature than LILLIES! Ugh.

And I absolutely agree about the Britney Spears vag.... ...IE, anything from a candy store. Peppermint, cotton candy....

Anonymous said...

Is there a federal law mandating blue curly perms and swimming in a vat of Eau de Stench when a woman hits 50? Several women at work carry gardem sprayers of the crap and crop dust each other at every opportunity leaving a hallucinogenic vapour trail in their wake. Wake up! It's perfume, not marinade! You can soak an old bird all you want but still won't get any compliments for the aroma coming from the kitchen...

Anonymous said...

I have also used Anne Pliska for years, and recived many compliments. I go through 3 or 4 edp spray bottles a year or more. I use mine everyday, and I was very happy to find mine cheaper
the price was better then any others online.