Saturday, March 25, 2006

I'll show you where to seat them...


It's Lent. It's Friday. It's insane. To make things worse, an NCAA tournment is being played near by. We went on line at 4:15, and were off line at 9:15, with wait times hitting 50 minutes.

So at 4:30 I get a lady sat in one of my two open tables. I approach her and see she has 3 menus and place settings. I ask if it'll be a few minutes for the others and if she would like an appetizer while she waits. She says it'll be 30-45 minutes before the others arrive. Please give me a rope, I'm going to hang a hostess. Our policy is we don't seat you until 50% of your party has arrived. Dumbass host failed to ask the guest when the rest of the party was arriving. So an hour later the other two show up. Then these three women proceed to sit in my table until 7:30. They left $14. Excuse me ladies, you are sitting in some of the most expensive real estate in the city, and you are costing me money. Inconsiderate yuppy asses. Sure, your 14% tip isn't completely crappy, but when you sit in a table that turns $10-25 an hour, that sucks elephant dong. No, I'm not getting you any more refills.

Then to complicate things, my second table is seated at 4:30 with a single man who'd been sitting at the bar with a drink waiting for his table. He's about 70, and pleasant. I approach him and ask if he'd like an appetizer to go with his drink. "No, I'd like 25 minutes or so to nurse this drink and catch up on the news, then I'll look at the menu." Hey buttmunch, this isn't $tarbucks or the Library. Eventually he orders, it's a nice order. Then he has some wine. Then a coffee. The some more wine. More coffee. The bill's been on your table for an hour now sir, pay and get the hell out. Yes I see your coffee cup is empty. No, I'm not filling it again. At 2 hours and 30 minutes in his camping experience in my booth, he finally looks at the check. He puts it back down, and is now interested in the hockey game on the TV. I switch the station. He picks the paper back up. at 7:30 PM he finally gave me my $4.00 tip. Remember, I only have 3 tables under the new dumbass system at Red Lobster. I have just made $20 in 3 hours on 2/3 of my tables. I do have bills to pay this month too.

While those two tables of inconsiderate pricks were wasting my space, my one other table turned 4 times. The only way to make money any more is suck up, and turn and burn as fast as you can. On what (guest wise) was one of our biggest nights of the year, I became a glorified drink walker for my co-workers. I don't mind helping out, I do it all the time, but this was absurd.

I could understand if we weren't busy, but it was obvious to both tables that there were literally a hundred or so people waiting for the tables. They both were sitting in the bar area, where all of the patrons waiting for guest pile in for drinks. Both of my tables were in clear view of the lobby, the lobby that was so full it was difficult for guests to get in and out of. The lobby so full it likely violated fire codes. And yet they sat.

I'm not asking for much, enjoy your hour, I'll be nice. Leave a big tip, you're welcome to sit and chat for another hour. But unless you are tipping 50% or better you best be hitting the street after that second hour. You can read the paper elsewhere, compare photos of crotch droppings some other time, we're not the only place in town with what's it called....oh yeah...lights.

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7 comments:

Resh. said...

Hey,

Love your blog! Have been on your blog a few times now, just haven't commented 'til now.

How many tables in your Restaurant altogether? - Not including the ones in your Bar area.

I have only been waitressing for almost 5 and a half months, we only have like 34 tables in the Restaurant where I work.

Love Waitressing though, It's so fun! ;-)

Lobster Boy said...

Just off the top of my head it has either 63 or 66 tables, plus the whole length of the bar has bar stool/high chairs where people sit when waiting for tables, or at times people will sit and eat or drink. I'd guess there are 20 or bar chairs. We're hitting as high as 1100 guests on a Friday during Lent. Anywhere from 100-130 on a busy evening hour, starting at 4:30 until 9-9:30, and sometimes later even depending on how long it takes us to clear the lobby. Insanity!

Anonymous said...

I'm sure customers wouldn't come at all if they knew how much you despised them. Maybe you should look for another line of work.

Anonymous said...

I agree with anon. Nothin' I hate more than whiny waiters and waitresses.

As for tipping, last time I checked it was completely optional. Based on your attitude, you really should consider yourself lucky to be getting what you do.

Come out of your dining industry bubble and live in the real world.

Lobster Boy said...

A) Most waiters feel similar to myself. Sure not those who are new to the job, but do it for more than a year and you'll be here. You're ignorant to think otherwise.

B) Tipping is optional, but it is the way we are paid. I get paid pretty well all things considered. I'm very good at my job, and have plenty to back that claim up.

C) Dining industry bubble? So my job is make believe, and your paper pushing sit at a desk all day with a numb-ass job is the real world?

D) I've had other jobs, been in the "real" world outside of restaurants. I'm only doing this while I'm back getting a Master's degree, but I had a career prior to going back to school. A very successful career, but one that was more about getting the job done and less about doing what I was created to do.

E) If you don't like it, there are 23 Million other blogs (yes, I just counted them all). Just as people don't have to tip, you don't have to read here, but you are welcome to do so anyhow.

Lobster Boy

Anonymous said...

Here's a tip for you: A waiter with positive eneregy gets better tips.

Lobster Boy said...

I don't believe in positive energy or Karma. It's crap. Aura reading is crap.

Don't drink the kool-aid.

Lobster Boy