Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Endless Shrimp Promotion begins today

Servers generally hate any all you can eat of any sort, and Endless Shrimp is no different. Red Lobster, to compound things, sent out a coupon a while back, which does not drive in the desirable customers. The corporate "genius" who heads this department decided to have some over lap in the time the coupon is valid and our All You Can Eat Hell promotion, so the dirtbags will be filing in from ghettos and trailer parks throughout the country.

This is how Red Lobster bills it:

Now’s your chance to enjoy even more of what you love at Red Lobster. For a limited time, satisfy your craving for all the irresistible shrimp you can eat during Endless Shrimp™. Come try our savory shrimp scampi, classic fried shrimp, creamy shrimp pasta, crunchy popcorn shrimp or coconut shrimp bites. Start with any two preparations, and when you’re ready, we’ll bring more! This special offer is for dine-in guests only, so come in soon.
And this is what your waiter thinks:

Now's your chance to come in and torture the waitstaff of your nearby Red Lobster. For a limited time satisfy your desire to be known as a gluttonous pig, well OK, you'll always be that, but for a limited time let us help you move out one more notch on that size 60 belt of yours. We delight in cleaning up the 120 shrimp tales you have strewn throughout the booth. It is our joy to crawl under the booth and pick up the items that have amazingly escaped the black hole that is your mouth. How the gravity didn't pull that stuff in too is simply amazing. We will be patting you down for silverware and salt shakers on your way out. AND THERE IS NOT A CHANCE IN HELL WE WILL BE GETTING YOU AN ORDER FOR YOUR TAKE OUT CONTAINER! You may only order two items at the beginning. From then on, we can only ring in a single refill at a time. Red Lobster says this is so you always have hot food. We both know it's to slow down your rate of consumption. We know that if we let you, you would just stick your face right next to the friers and have us just pour baskets of freshly cooked shrimp directly into your mouth an skip the plates and utensils.

And when you make a joke about needing a wheel barrow to cart your bloated fat ass out of our store, don't be surprisedized when I suggest a fork lift after I watch you go through food like something more suited for observation in a zoo.

To fight back we will keep your table well stocked with bread, and make our salads a bit bigger than normal.

And no, we are not impressed by how many you ate. And no, I will not keep track of that for you. And at 10:00 PM our kitchen will be shutting down.


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16 comments:

OldSchoolD15 said...

Argh! My first taste of Endless Shrimp...

Undesirable 5-top which I am ordered to pick up out of section, ALL get endless shrimp, ALL get at least 2 refills, some got about 4, running me to death, then leave $8 on an $87 bill.

As soon as I find a new job I'm going apeshit on the next table like that. It will be immature and fruitless, but man, will it be fun and emotionally satisfying.

Lobster Boy said...

Only at 2 refills? Wait until the college football players come in and order 10-15 each, and then leave you a couple of bucks for the effort. I had a woman eat 9 refills last night, plus half of her son's lobster. I honestly do not know how people eat that much, especially after salad, bread, then a bread refill and 3 or 4 Cokes. But then again there is a reason she's 5'4" and 400lbs and as wide as she is tall.

Lobster Boy

Ranter said...

Holy moly. I feel for you Lobster Boy. It can't be nice to watch that kind of dysmorphia. It's almost sub-human the amount of food people can eat, and how they look when they are so disgustingly obese. And having to serve them more and more food must be really disheartening. Ugh, and having to work for tips from those tightwads must be frustrating like all hell.

Ranter said...

I've served a customer who couldn't bend down to put on or tie up his own shoes. He was so obese that his partner had to help him fit his shoes, as he couldn't even reach his feet.

And our pants and belts only go up to 46". I can't imagine the size of a person requiring a 60"+ belt! My arm span isn't even 60"! There is a reason why I don't like to measure people's waists. Personal space is one of them...

I've heard other obese people say they can't even reach behind them to wipe their own bums. So they can't go to the toilet in public and have to use a bidet. When you're that fat that you can't wipe your own ass, I think it's time to acknowledge you have a problem and seek some help. Do these customers of yours have trouble fitting into the seats and booths?

mrclm said...

We regularly have customers who do not fit into booths. I used to work in another store that had to have special chairs for people of this size. The normal chairs wrapped around the person, and we had to have some that did not so the large people could fit on them. My current store has straight backed chairs, so other than the overflow of the body, the people fit on them. We also have times where we have to find new routes through our dining room because one or more large people are actually blocking the flow of traffic through a section because of the amount of space they take up. Wheel chairs also have this effect. Endless Shrimp really brings out some of the biggest people we see in a year at our store. There are always very large people coming through, the frequency just increases during any AYCE event. I can only imagine what it must be like to work at somewhere like Country Buffet. It is really sad. I met a guy a few years back who was pushing 700lbs. His skin on his calves was splitting, and he had difficultly walking more than a few steps. He was in his late 30's and had a couple of young children. I figured he had a year or two of life left if he didn't turn things around. It was disgusting and enormously saddening. I imagine it is the same for people watching family members go through drug addictions.

Big Chris

Lobster Boy said...

I actually had a post on this a while back Ranter -- Too Fat to Fit in a Booth. As Big Chris said, it is both sad and ugly. I always wonder where these people buy their clothes.

Lobster Boy

i'llnevertell! said...

Hey lobster boy, I'm so sorry for you right now, and I'm also very VERY glad i only serve drinks! :) Let me know when it's all you can eat crab, this 120 lb jewish girl gets down on some shellfish. Haha! Take care sweetie

briliantdonkey said...

ughhhh, Nothing like the AYCE, AND a coupon on top of that at the same time. I am glad to see this post though, cause as a consumer it sounds like something I could enjoy. I too am guilty of overeating at stuff like this, but in my defense being a server/bartender I at least know to tip well.

BD

Bananna said...

I feel this pain....
tonight will be my first day with the AYCE Shenanigins.

Kelly said...

AYCE shrimp was my breaking point at lobster hell. I was very ill, the other two bartenders didn't show, and my bar was full of fat-asses complaining that I'd only give them two refills at a time (I gave two in an attempt to limit my kitchen runs). I had 10+ people at the bar and the 6 bar tables to myself. And not one FOH employee (including the three idle managers) ran a single tray for me or helped me bus.

One of the managers did find the time to lay into me (in front of ALL of my customers) about not following the refill policy, so I spun around, told her I quit, and that I was filing a complaint about her with the regional director.

She was gone before my two-weeks notice were up! Sweet, sweet revenge.

Seriously, though, I've worked in several restaurants and Darden is the absolute worst in terms of employee treatment.

You must be a saint to have survived for so long.

Amin said...

Does this mean that now's not a good time to visit the States if you're on a diet?

AYCE is taking off here in the UK, but nothing like the States. Over here the waiters will stare at you and cross-examine you if you take extra starters (appetisers).

Well, they stare at me, anyway. I normally stare back and get an extra plate.

Just think, if you were working in the UK you'd be lucky to get a tip at all in some places. And 15%? Quite rare here.

When does the offer end? And do you do home shipping? I'm too fat to fit through my front door.....

Lobster Boy said...

I don't know when the offer ends off the top of my head. RedLobster.com likely has that info if you really want. In Europe, waiters make a living wage, were in the USA they are paid below minimum wage in every state save two that I am aware of with the thought that tips will get the waiter over the minimum wage. So the systems are not the same. I used to make $1.35 USD (half of a British Pound) as my hourly wage in a previous restaurant 10 years ago. While minimum wage has gone up, even if it has doubled (it hasn't) that is not much hourly wage.

Lobster Boy

bfill04 said...

As one of your customers who ALWAYS brings my family in for Lobster and sometimes the All you can eat shrimp dinners (my husband loves shrimp)my comment is this. WE pay your salary. Without US, you would not have that job. Be thankful your at work were alot of people are not as fortunate. If you dont like your job - then QUIT and give the deserving and grateful people the opportunity that you are so thankful to have.

WE pay your wages and if you serve your patrons with a kind and sincere attitude (yes, we can tell) more people would tip better. We always tip 20% of our bill no matter how high the bill. But if we detect a bad attitute, we reduce that to the standard 15%.

Quit if you dont like serving the people that pay your wages!

Lobster Boy said...

Lady this thread is old news. But in case you ever check back you should know on average I make more than almost anyone in my restaurant. Why is that? Because I'm good at what I do. That doesn't mean though that I get an exemption from the dirtbags, ghetto hoes, jerkoffs, bitches, and self-entitled soccer moms of the world. So yes, I give great service, and yes I deal with idiots all the time, and yes you pay my salary. If you don't like my thoughts on the subject(s) then don't read them. It's really that simple. I'm not forcing anyone to read this blog.

Lobster Boy

Justine said...

I was just wondering, since I am currently a server at a Red Lobster, how much is your hourly wage? Or rather I should ask, do you know what the minimum is that they are required to pay servers (if you feel uncomfortable with sharing your wage)? Thank you for your time.

Lobster Boy said...

Justine,
The minimum wage is governed state by state. In most (not all) states tipped employees can be paid below the state minimum wage, because the assumption is that tips will more than compensate and bring the average hourly wage above the set minimum. So servers across the country will range from (I'm guessing, but it'll be close) $2-$7 per hour for hourly wages depending on the state laws. Red Lobster's general practice is to pay the very minimum they can to their servers knowing tips will cover the difference.

Lobster Boy