Friday, April 13, 2007

Don Imus is an idiot, and has no clue what a real ho is

Don Imus is an idiot. I've held back from commenting on this, but the guy just bugs me, and this was before his most recent idiotic remarks. When I imagine death, it looks like him. Put him in a long black cape and robe and you would have the grim reaper. The women of Rutger's University's Basket Ball team are all well educated, intelligent, and athletic women. They are in a class far above Don Imus, and honestly he's not worth their time. It is all to unfortunate that anyone ever put that buffoon on the radio. The fact that his track record of saying stupid things is long is not surprising, but what is worse is just how annoying his radio shtick is. I'd rather listen to Rush Limbaugh while having a hot iron removing the wrinkles from my body.

That being said, tonight I waited on some of the nastiest ho's I've ever seen. Two of the three women so fat that they almost didn't fit at a TABLE! And language so foul that would make retired drill sargents blush. F-bomb this and babydaddy that. Nigga this and bitchassho that. On and on it went. Thankfully there weren't any other tables in the immediate area.

Beginning to end the table sucked. From the 20 questions game about stuff they aren't even going to order (they didn't) to the endless requests for more bread.

I have found myself wondering about the statistics for heart attack and stroke among the African-American community from time to time. They have a much higher incidence of both, and this table is exactly why. Two of the women were pushing 400lbs. All of the 4 people at the table reeked of recently smoked blunts (as in they were getting baked on the way here), and they must've taken at least 4 smoke breaks while eating the meals. The women were out of breath by the time they made it from their handicap parking spot to the podium (and these women are late 20's/early 30's, I ID'ed them for their drinks). Walking to the table half way into the dining room was almost too much to ask, but the promise of biscuits kept them moving. And of course the only guy at the table was skinny. How's that work? The women all ordered EXTRA dressing, meaning that if they can see the salad they're sending me back for two more portions of Blue Cheese and French each. Make sure you add cheese to that salad. And extra croƻtons. And cheese on my potato. Extra butter on that too, with extra on the side. And I need 2 drawn butters for my small order of crab legs that I'm adding onto my Admiral's Feast (all fried). And I'll wash it all down with 3 Top Shelf Long Islands. And don't forget the extra napkins. And two more large tartar sauces, and another bottle of Tabasco. And by the way, we're leaving you a shit tip, in spite of the fact you stood there for the 15 minutes it took us to figure out what we were going to order after we said we were ready. In spite of the fact you had other tables to care for. In spite of the fact that we asked for something every single time you brought something else to our table (I'm not kidding, a 1 to 1 ratio of lettuce to dressing). In spite of the fact that we were loud, foul and obnoxious, not to mention rude and crude. In spite of our nearly $150 tab, we still want to reward you with $6 for all your efforts. But don't forget, on the way out we're going to give you the verbal tip.

Some people might think I'm making the above up, but I am unfortunately not. And it happens every night in my restaurant. Primarily in the last hour we are open. Which means I get far more than my fair share of these tables. But tonight's was particularly bad. Anyone who's spent a week or two in a Red Lobster knows I'm speaking the truth. And that is the worst way to end a night.


The Cleaning Lady said...

buck up little camper, better tables will come your way. But, its times like this when I'd like to say to shit heads like your rude table, that servers get taxed on what that tip SHOULD BE (at least ten percent in most states, no?), so even if you don't recieve that tip, your still taxed on an "assumed" gratuity.
why are blacks such rotten tippers to begin with, anyway? I'm not being rascist, its a restaurant fact, unfortunately. excuse me if I offend anyone by stating that.

Lobster Boy said...

I won't say blacks are bad tippers, as 3 of my 6 largest tips of my career are from African-American tables (the other 3 are 1 white, 1 Asian, and 1 Latino for the record). I will say the ghetto blacks are bad tippers, and that they drag down server's perceptions of their entire race. It is an unfortunate reality, but reality nonetheless.

What frustrates servers the most is that they'll all order Ultimate Feasts with extra Maine Lobster Tails, have a couple of drinks, a few appetizers, and then shaft their server at the end of the meal. Rather than just having one shot and one cocktail each and then saving a the rest to tip, they choose to have another drink, or extra appetizers, or desert to go home, spending all their money leaving just scraps for their server. And it's a nightly event, 363 days a year in my restaurant. And it happens to servers of every color, as our Asian, Latino, African-American, and Indian descent servers all suffer the exact same crap tips that I do. And what is probably worse, some trash whites will tip less to my crew mates of color, which puts them in the same boat if you ask me.

Regardless, I give great service. I know they won't feel guilty about screwing me, but at least I can sleep with a clear conscious. And sometimes I am surprised by a table. But that is far too infrequently unfortunately.

Lobster Boy

Monique said...

I thought there were some good points raised in the following journal, and I just have to add that IMHO 1.) it's more a socio-economic phenomenom and 2.) a lot of self fufilling prophecy is at work here. Not to get all statisticky, but in general non-college educated, poorer people tend to tip less. So though a higher percentage of the black population tips poorly (maybe as high as 50%), the reality is that in absolute terms there are far more bad white tippers. Same holds true for welfare moms. Count your bad tipper tables. If you're in a restaurant that mimics general population, you'll always have more whites tipping badly than any other race. Re; the self fufilling prophesy, bad vibes go both ways. Believe it or not, some customers are tuned in to the "oh here THEY come" sigh that some servers let slip. Being black women, my friends and I get "typed" every now and then. It's usually more a minor irritation more than a protest-worthy affront in my opinion, because let's get real. It's just a meal for me, but this is the server's livelihood. Although I have to admit a small nasty glee when a server works hard on a condescending attitude and only ends up sounding ignorant. Like the time the Olive Garden server was smirking that our table knew nothing about wine -- because we didn't know how long the Ruinite Asti-Spumanti was "fermentated". Honest to goodness. Ruinite. Fermentated.

Lobster Boy said...

It is great people like you who I imagine suffer because of other bad tables, which is exactly why I give great service to all, regardless of color/creed/religion/etc. Where I work we do have a disproportionate representation of minorities who visit our store due to it's proximity of one of the two larger "bad" areas of our town. But at the same time, I get a lot of regulars who are African-American, and they all give me much love in their tips. But there are some clear signs that some tables give off, that we as servers do know as they walk in our chances are slim to none on making money. The table described in this post comes into our restaurant dozens of times a night, 363 days out of the year and extra on Sundays at lunch. You can almost set your watch by it. And we all know we're working for free most likely.

And you are 100% correct in the fact that there is trash in every race, though it's not always the poorer end of the socio-economic scales who tip poorly. Rich grumpy old white ladies frequently don't tip well either (well, usually around 10%).

And for the record, my previous post (My worst table in a long time) were gangsta Asians. So it certainly does cross all boundaries.

Lobster Boy

Kev said...

i understand, bro. i had a similar table a few nights ago --- basically everytime i went over, they wanted something else, which just gets incredibly frustrating. plus the shit 6.5% tip.

cray said...

Just found this blog; too great.

I don't get the sense of entitlement of some customers or why they think it's okay to act like animals when dining out. I can take my 3 children, all under 9, to any restaurant and they will behave, speak quietly, and say 'thank you' every time they are served any item. I want them to understand the servers are taking their time to wait on us; that they are working hard to give us a special experience. If my children can grasp this and behave accordingly, adults have no excuse. As for tipping, I worked in a town full of retired people who seemed to equate tipping with the grandchildren's Christmas card and left a dollar on the table. I tip 30-40% because, you know, it's worth it to feel you let the server know s/he was appreciated.

There. Sorry. A bit disillusioned with the world at times. Carry on. :)

Steve said...

At least when people showed up baked at my liquor store, all you had to do was get the Hennessey and Hypnotiq off the top shelf, and send them on their merry way.

I couldn't imagine having to deal with people like that for an extended period of time.

Adam said...

Great blog I have to add to the raves, I'm a server in a MD suburb of DC which could really be a test market for Darden since it's literally a crossroads of race, economic status etc. I'd say majority of patrons and servers are black but we do get a solid representation of whites. I had a shitty night tonite but your post me made me smile and laugh out loud. What do you think of the new Dash? did your RL get it yet?

to add to this discussion, you can't generalize as to tippers being good based on race alone...I have had some incredible great customers who are black but I totally feel you on the "doom signs", altho sometimes i think it's a biproduct of their being irritable b/c of being hungry. and i totally understand poring heart and sole for a shitty tip.

will post more later...keep it up!

Adam said...

I have this vision of fat and other raggety ass bitches saying like "hey we have 15 minutes before RL closes, let's hurry up" and running to make it in. It's inconsiderate in a way.

Christine said...

I have a question. Last night I was taken to a Red Lobster for dinner. Normally the check gets placed on the table when the waiter comes by to asks how the desserts are. This didn't happen. A full five minutes after the desserts were finished the check finally came. We also had empty glasses so were just sitting there twiddling our thumbs. Eventually a women who identified herself as the manager came over with the check and gave us this whole speech about the call in survey on there and yadda yadda I'm sure you know how that goes. So what I'm wondering is, did the check come so late because of that? Up until then the meal was wonder, the waiter was excellent and I was planning on leaving a sizable tip. I have to admit that just sitting there with no employees in sight for five minutes was rather awkward and dampened my mood greatly. I ended still leaving a 30% tip because I wasn't sure who's fault it was.

mrclm said...

That is 95% likely the fault of the manager. What happens in my store is that there is one manager covering the front of the house (dining room) who has to run all the surveys. While at the same time this manager must field all customer complaints, supervise staff, help seat tables, void/comp/return items on checks, check on tables experiences, thank people for coming, plus a handful of other things. Add to that the server has to be able to find their manager before they can get them to run the survey. We have a shorter female general manager (not short, just shorter than the men) and when she is standing talking at a table it can be hard to find her. Plus, if she is talking at a table the server cannot/should not interrupt. So that is why I say it's 95% likely the manager. It could be your server had to run to the bathroom, got an emergency phone call, was fixing a problem, or simply forgot. But if the rest of the service was outstanding, I'd stick with the 95% likelihood of it being the manager.

molly said...

Oh....I so don't miss my many years as a RL server in Stockton, Ca...your post brought it all back to me in an instant...

The Brother Hammer said...

Mine always seem to bring their kids, "J-mall" and "LaQuiffa," who then ask if they can get more shrimp then what is served in their Jumbo Cocktail.

Don't forget to tell them you don't take food stamps.