Monday, April 09, 2007

My worst table in a long time


There is nothing worse than ending a lukewarm night with your worst table. I'd much rather have a bad table early, and have the rest of the night to make up for it. Obviously, I'd just prefer not having bad tables, but I work at the crap magnet known as Red Lobster.

So it's my last table of the night, and my only table. I'm waiting around just for them before heading home. Early on, it is clear it will be a big table. An appetizer per guest, each person orders a large Lobsterfest meal, a handful of drinks and some other various things. We're talking the $200 range (give or take depending on your market). I give them great service (they are really the only people left). I help them with special requests I know the kitchen will bitch about this late at night. I make sure they have a very good time. I box their food and take care of their bill for them and thank them for coming. When I return to the table, I see 3 one dollar bills on the table. No other tip. Three ten dollar bills would have been a poor tip on this table.

It was probably a good thing they had left the parking lot before I made my way home. Thoughts of brandishing coffee mugs like brass knuckles entered my mind. Cheap prick.


While it isn't currently operating, Bitterwaitress.com has for a long time maintained a STD - a Shitty Tipper Database. About the only thing we wait staff can do is warn others when someone is a cheap prick. Imagine somebody searching Joe Dirtbag on Google and finding his name in the STD list. Or worse, finding it a couple of times! If you are a cheap bastard, be warned!!

6 comments:

Fiona said...

Poor tippers are 'poor' people and I don't mean that financially.

I have to comment about this whole boxing thing in the States (I'm British but have lived in Asia all my life)....

I've witnessed a lot of this boxing of uneaten food at restaurants when I visit Stateside

Why are portions so generally overly large that they require food that can't be consumed, to be taken away?

mrclm said...

The reason for the size is twofold in my opinion. First, our generally overweight self indulgent American society basically thinks bigger is better. Second, the portion size has to justify the price. When you double the portion size you don't double the cost of production, so you can charge and make more money per guest.

The thing that amazes me though, is that a lot of people will eat everything we give them. I'm a big guy, but there is no way I can eat everything we throw at our guests. I'm full before I finish our lunch fish and chips, and that is without any bread or salads. Yet I watch people drink a Lobsterita, eat part of an order of cheese sticks, eat 4 pieces of bread, eat a salad with extra blue cheese dressing, and then eat an entire Ultimate Feast. Some will still order desert after that, and only then will they need a box to take the last half of the desert home for later that night. How people don't actually burst when they eat that much I don't know.

Big Chris

Fiona said...

I agree with all that Chris....the one comment I usually make about eating in the States is....quantity above quality.

I think the most disturbing scene I ever witnessed was sitting at a buffet and watching an overweight mother feed her 4 and 8 year olds with mashed potatoes and gravy, mac and cheese and ice cream...and not in that order. And there were some good choices there, lean meat, roast chicken, lots of salads and veggies, fresh fruit.

Apart from the calorie, carb and fat content, I had to wonder where on earth those kids got the fibre in their diet. Maybe lucky charms at breakfast?

Our hearts go out to malnutrition in third world countries, but this is just another form of it.

Monique said...

Red Lobster boy, why do you stay?? This job sounds too miserable for words. I love reading the stories, but really I gotta know? Here's hoping that either Red Lobster recognizes your true worth or some fine dining establishment has an opening

Kevin said...

Well, it's because people eat 1000 biscuits before they get there food.

The Brother Hammer said...

...better then a "you are saved" booklet I got once at RL 322.