Do your customers ever do gross things at your tables (or where you work)? Here's a few stories from my long list.
Guy scratching incessantly at his balls. You're in public. I don't care if your dick is literally on fire, you don't have to touch it this much. And if you put your hands inside your pants to do the "itching", I'm calling the cops.
Adjusting your thong. Yes ladies, you do this in public far too much. Especially those of you exceeding the weight limit for the thong. We don't want to see you digging your string out of any crack in our restaurant. Save that for the internet.
Picking your nose. There is no age this is appropriate for. It's not cute when your 2 year old does it, and it is down right repulsive when your 45 year old husband does it. Go mining for nose goblins elsewhere.
Gross things with children. The list here is so lengthy that I can't even begin to cover them all, but a few are below.
Changing diapers in the dining room. We have changing stations in the bathroom. The rest of the world does not need a whiff of diaper bomb from your ugly crotch dropping. Mounds of pig shit smell better than that.
Sick and barfy kids. If your kid looks sick, acts sick, or has any sort of food allergies I give you three options: 1) Stay the hell home 2) Carry a barf bag 3) A boot to the head. #3 comes into play if you choose to not exercise #1 or #2. Seriously though, nobody wants to see your little poltergeist projectile vomiting popcorn shrimp and apple sauce. And if/when they do - clean it up. Don't expect the restaurant staff to clean up your family bio-hazard. And tip well you prick. I'd bet 7 out of 10 times someone pukes, we the server get 10% or less. It's not our fault dumbass.
Eating food off the floor. You'd be less likely to get a disease if you ate your food off the ground in an alley in the poor section of Calcutta. Restaurant floors (where carpeted) under booths and tables are some of the most filthy places on the earth. Further, why anyone would think it is a good idea to let your kids crawl around under there is beyond my comprehension. The booger picker, pukey kid and the crotch itcher sat there earlier. And all the old lady's used tissues end up here too. And if you live near a farming area, whatever sorts of manuer is available will be found here as well. And maybe Ebola too.