Sunday, December 07, 2008

Have yourself a very gorilla Christmas!

Any other Monkey Wrench Gang fans out there? A friend sent me this list the other day. Adapt as needed.

Wal-Mart Pranks

Move the displays into a maze, then stand at the end and congratulate anybody who makes it out.

Hold a box tightly. if people look at you, clutch the box to your chest and say, "Mine."

Hide inside the clothing racks, and when someone begins to look through the racks, stick your head out and say, "Do you mind?"

Stand in the freezer with a sign that says "Do not thaw until3000 A.D."

Take a shampoo bottle to customer service and ask where they keep the realpoo. Let them know the shampoo doesn't work as well.

Go to the checkout line and page yourself. Slip away, then come back 5 minutes later, saying you were paged. Repeat until you're told to leave.

Stick price stickers to yourself and lay on the conveyor belt. When asked what you're doing, say, "I got hungry and ate all my food."

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "Where are your tampons?"

Try on bras over top of your clothes.

Make a trail of lemonade on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I smell sex and candy".

Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off with the volume controls set at full.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

Put a bar of soap on layaway. Let them know you are looking forward to using it.

Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bed and Bath department.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

Ask for samples of Vagisil.

Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me!! pick me!!"
and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.

Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Go into the dressing room and yell real loud "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

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