Sugar Momma

Today I write about that select species - the Sugar Momma. This is a strange phenomenon, but one that most in the service industry have learned to quickly identify.

While not exclusively, it is often a white lady with a black guy where I live. She is often older than he is. 9 out of 10 time the lady is blond or red headed, often via a bottle. Don't know why that is, but it is. She also often looks like she has a few miles on her. And by few I mean early 80's Mercedes diesel few. Or as one of my favorite movie quotes said, she looks like she's been ridden hard and put away wet. And for whatever reason, she carries a purse the size of a diaper bag - generally a knock off Chanel or Fendi or Gucci or whatever is trendy. And she wears sweatpants. What kind of woman wears sweatpants in public? The crazy cat ladies and sugar mommas that who. No, there is no confusing these ladies with a Cougar.

You will notice her generally bitchy attitude to her boy, but if you observe, you'll notice if he whines he always gets his way. She's grasping at straws, and the only one she has left is her ability to buy him stuff. He's a prostitute who is paid in food, rims, cell phones and shoes.

Sometimes the arrangements work out long term. Like 2% of the time. All the others are a chain of continually devolving and complicating mess.

Some of the greatest entertainment provided by sugar mommas is when two of them meet who have shared a common boyfriend, or worse multiple boyfriends. If you add in a few stray kids from their common man whore(s) the intensity goes even higher. And great hilarity can ensue if he cheated on past sugar momma with current sugar momma. I've seen women have to be restrained in front of their children for this transgression. I've seen women scream across restaurants at other women because their restraining order wouldn't let them come any closer. For real.

I often find myself wondering "is this what you really wanted from life?" and "how in the hell did you get here?" You don't just fall into being a sugar momma I suspect. You have to choose that route. Can we attribute this to years of abusing Patron?

And sugar mommas never tip well. Ever.

Is this just an urban occurrence or do people see this going on elsewhere?

In rich people this would be called Demi Moore BTW.