Wednesday, July 21, 2010


A little while back during a shift back in the kitchen during rush I was making some salads for a 6 top.  Up come "Bud" one of the college frat guys I trained in about a year ago.  He was the only one who wasn't a complete tool and is now the only one left from his training class.  He's a smart kid when he's not baked out of his mind, though I've seen pussy make him dumb too.

Anyhow, so I'm making salads, and Bud says to me "Have you ever fallen asleep while jacking off?"  If you work in a restaurant, you know this is not really all that odd of a question, because, well pretty much everything is fair game if you've worked here for very long.

So as I think to myself - have I? - and before I can answer, cute new college girl pipe up with "Sure!  Happens all the time."  Bud has a look of mixture of shock from the answer, and horror that she herd the conversation. "What?  Girls like to rub one out too!" she said.  She then gave a couple of details that I can't type here or I'd have to change the type of blog this is.

That is what we talk about when we are making your salads.  That and many other random, often inappropriate things.  It keeps work interesting.

And if you aren't reading Shit My Dad Says, you should be.


colgan102001 said...

HAHA, I've been working at Red Lobster as a server for about a month now, and everything about this blog is spot on. Keep up the great work!

And yeah, if I were to post the kind of conversations that go on at the drink stations/salad bar/kitchen, I'm afraid my account would be blocked.

Oh, the views expressed above are not the views of either Darden or Red Lobster.

Jacky Maille said...

But do you jack off in the caesar salad dressing?

Lobster Boy said...

Jacky - I NEVER mess with people's food/drinks. Ever. I might screw with you in regards to my service if you are a dick to me/my staff, but absolutely never will I do something to a customer's food. There are some lines that should never be crossed, and that is one of them.

And I can assure you, my pants stay on and my hands stay out of them while at work. And I've got a good thing going outside of work so I don't have to five-knuckle-shuffle. Well covered in that area. Sometimes - if possible - almost too well covered. I am loved.
Lobster Boy

Jimmy said...

The worst is when I jacked off and THEN fell asleep with my bedroom door open and my mother came in and found me and the "mess" all over my stomach.

Raeily said...

I don't know about RL, but at Panera Bread the conversations did tend to lean towards the dirty, crude and even sick.

So I hear ya.