Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Red Lobster in The Onion

Red Lobster: Taking Up The Vanguard In The Fight Against Women In The Workplace


ORLANDO, FL—In today’s fast-paced corporate world, it sometimes seems as if the moral fabric of our society has been stretched beyond recognition in the name of so-called social progress.

 Bowing to the twin demons of feminism and political correctness, many businesses have readily yielded to the pressures of the country’s advancing women’s rights front, allowing their fear of losing a few customers to cloud their judgment and dilute their most fundamental of values. But not at Red Lobster.

For over 40 years, the country’s preeminent seafood restaurant chain has strived to maintain a respectable business environment in both its restaurants and its corporate structure. And though the currents of change may have shaken the resolve of other eateries, Red Lobster’s leadership is in firm agreement that their company now and forever will remain at the forefront in the ongoing fight against women in the workplace.

 “Red Lobster’s corporate values have always been directly aligned with the interests of the traditional American family, and that means we are vigorously opposed to the female infiltration of the workplace,” said Clarence Otis Jr., CEO of Red Lobster’s parent company Darden Restaurants Inc., and a self-described “die-hard opponent” of the women’s rights movement. “That’s why, when you step into one of our restaurants for a taste of the most delicious seafood around, you won’t see a single female employee who isn't a server or hostess, and you’ll never, ever see a woman working in any kind of supervisory role.” “

That’s our promise to you,” Otis continued.

 Click through for the full piece.

9 comments:

floridagirl said...

Guess we won't ever have another meal there!!

Anonymous said...

The onion is a satirical site...

fuckmytable said...

I had three female manager, one a general manager, during my brief time with RL. In the deep south, might I add. That being said, fuck RL.

fuckmytable said...

I had three female managers, one a general manager, during my brief time with RL. In the deep south, might I add. That being said, fuck RL.

Restaurant employee onboarding said...

Thanks for sharing this post...Its nice to know about the restaurant news and the gripes of a restaurant employee...

Anonymous said...

This is from The Onion. It's made up for humor.

Anonymous said...

Lobster Boy,
When I left Red Lobster, I had a check card with $8.88 on it. The card expired in November before I cashed it. When I called the company, they said I needed to get a new card from the company. So....it's been a while since I my card expired. When I tried to renew it, I was told my money was used for maintenance fees because I hadn't used it. How in Hell can you be charged maintenance fees on a card that has expired? It's not much money, but I don't like the idea of a company rigging the game and stealing from you. I was told by the card company they would be in touch. Could you please tell your readers to make sure they cash their cards in as soon as they leave this company before they get their money stolen? Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Oddly, most the managers I see in the restaurants where I live are women.

NickyPick said...

Ha - got me. I didn't notice "The Onion" in the header and my jaw was dropping in incredulous dismay. Then I clicked on the "more" link and saw where the article was. Ha.