Pigs in the dining room

I am getting to the point where I am going to ask parents if they plan on cleaning up after their child.
"Can we get some crackers?"
"Are you going to clean up the hellacious mess after your obviously "brilliant" child gets only 10% of it in his mouth, 10% on his hair, 40% on the table and 40% on the floor? Sign this contract, I'll be back with the crackers..."

I have come to the conclusion that many parents are so over worked, over stretched, and stressed out that they have become oblivious to the disasters their children create. It's an issue of having to have new toys (boat, jetski, car, motorcycle etc.) or paying for existing ones. So the parents stretch themselves thin, leaving little time to teach their children proper social graces. Certainly there are those out there who are single moms working 3 jobs just to get by, but in my experience, they are not the ones with problem children (as much because they can't afford to eat out much). It's the middle income people where there is the problem. Often I suspect dual income families that don't spend enough time with their children.

I am beginning to think about patenting an idea of mine. It's a special disposable tarp that goes under high chairs and places children might sit. Kinda like those light paper "barriers" that some high traffic bathrooms use, in places like the airport or the mall. Except this would have to be more durable, and either water resistant or absorbent. And we would charge for them. And they would be required to dine in our restaurant.

I think having a service charge for children under the age of 5 might also be a good solution. There is nothing worse as a Red Lobster server than getting a table of 8 people, only to find out it is 2 or 3 adults and 6 kids under 5. That means you are now required by Red Lobster to split that table with another server (causing two people now to be miserable) and you will only be making a couple of dollars each to clean up every item of crap the children can manage to touch or throw. It's amazing how well mac & cheese glues itself to carpet after it cools there. Nothing like getting down on hands and knees to clean up after someone's demon spawn.

I know, I know, I shouldn't slander pigs this way.


Related Tags: Children, Parents, restaurant, Dining Out, Seafood, Mac and Cheese, Messy children, Red Lobster, Darden, GMRI, Server, Waiter, Waitress, Service Industry, Patent, Service Charge, Mess, Clean-up, Pigs, Wearing Food