Friday, July 21, 2006

How'd you get butter on that?


Our customers are amazing. They have the ability to bend the laws of physics it seems. Every so often, I'll come across a table that resembles the aftermath of the Exxon Valdez across the table but instead it's drawn butter. But what's worse, is that these people are oblivious to the fact that they have made a huge mess, and they futher worsen things by touching everything in the vacinity of their table. I find myself wondering - How'd you get butter on that? It gets up under light shades and onto light bulbs. It manges to bend gravity and attach itself to the underside of tables. I think it might even occassionally spontaniously leap out of the ramekins and into other booths. I think our butter may be possesed. How else to explain this level of mess created by adults?

I have also discovered that there is a generally reliable relationship between the amount of drawn butter used by a person and the tip left by the table. As the quantity of butter goes up, the tip goes down. It's some type of backwards waiter economics. You would think that I have pleased the customer by helping them replace their red blood cells with a golden stream of drawn butter to clog their veins. At the end of meals, I have seen people drink up the remaining amount of drawn butter from their ramekin.

Even worse than just the butter everywhere is that it is often multiplied by tid bits of crab meat everywhere. While I don't expect guest to all be experts at opening crab legs (which is why I ask if they know how when I deliver food) there are certainly those who don't have a clue about the havoc they are about to cause their server. I've seen people launch segments of crab into the air and hit people at tables 10 feet away. It's like they think this is the pole vault and the more energy they put into it the better. I've seen segments of crab shell ricochet off of ceiling panels. If I get hit in the eye, is that workman's comp claimable?

Red Lobster has bibs we present the guests when they are eating a Maine Lobster, and it's optional for all crab legs. I think we need to also begin providing eye protection for those who are seated near the person eating this stuff. We also could take some hints from Famous Dave's and just put papertowl rolls right on the table. Still, I suspect some would find ways to over come these items of cleaning and protection.


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12 comments:

briliantdonkey said...

lol ...kind of funny that you should post this.

Thanks to your recipe post the other day you got me thinking about Crab legs which I hadn't had in a long time. I thought for a while about making some at home but then I thought 'nahhh with the mess they make even they are not worth it."

Later, as I was driving home from getting my car out of the shop, and thinking of what to make for dinner, I passed one of the seafood places I frequent. Lo and behold they had AYCE crablegs that night so in I went. I had my share, and I must admit I was guilty of making my share of a mess even after the karmatically induced cleaning up I did. During a couple of unintentional flying piece launches, I couldn't help laugh and think "careful dumbass someone or someone may be blogging about you!" I have to say, I don't miss the seafood restaurant cleanup scene at all. As usual, nice post thanks for the good read.

briliantdonkey

Brad #1 said...

Ugh, I used to wait tables at a place with AYCE crablegs. Never again will I deal with that mess.

"Can I get another round of crablegs?"

"You mind finishing up what you have now?"

Lobster Boy said...

AYCE Crab Legs cost our (RL) previous chairwoman her job. While they won't come out and tell you that at Darden Headquarters, it was what led to our current (lack) of leadership.

Lobster Boy

lazyq said...

I HATE cleaning up after snow/king crab leg dinners. There's always bits and pieces of the crab leg meat that rolls under your cleaning towels, as they also stick to the side of tables. ugh.

Brad said...

What're AYCE crabs?

Lobster Boy said...

AYCE = All You Can Eat

Lobster Boy

briliantdonkey said...

AYCE=All You Can Eat

Brad #1 said...

Yeah, I thought the other Brad was that f'ing stupid.

Kev said...

as a famous dave's server, i can tell you with confidence that the paper towels dont always too much. remember, we have six different types of sauces at our table for people to wreck havoc with.

Brad said...

Excuse me for being unfamiliar with the jargon used in chain restaurants. BradOne probably learned everything he knows from sitting at the bar at TGIFriday's.

Or is Chili's your neighborhood hangout?

Brad #1 said...

Nope, corporate places can suck my ass. I learned the shit by actually WORKING and USING MY BRAIN.

Unfamiliar with the jargon probably isn't the best explanation. IMHO, 'Being too damn stupid to be spouting off on here about something you have absolutely no knowledge about' would make for better conversation.

Do you know what 'IMHO' means? Maybe somebody could explain that one for you too.

Bananna said...

OK so I agree with the more butter= bad tip idea.

Once I had a man ask for extra drawn butter. I gave it to him and then walked away and watched him. He took the drawn butter and DRANK it like it was a shot!! GROSS!!!He weighed about 400 pounds...wonder why.