How'd you get butter on that?

Our customers are amazing. They have the ability to bend the laws of physics it seems. Every so often, I'll come across a table that resembles the aftermath of the Exxon Valdez across the table but instead it's drawn butter. But what's worse, is that these people are oblivious to the fact that they have made a huge mess, and they futher worsen things by touching everything in the vacinity of their table. I find myself wondering - How'd you get butter on that? It gets up under light shades and onto light bulbs. It manges to bend gravity and attach itself to the underside of tables. I think it might even occassionally spontaniously leap out of the ramekins and into other booths. I think our butter may be possesed. How else to explain this level of mess created by adults?

I have also discovered that there is a generally reliable relationship between the amount of drawn butter used by a person and the tip left by the table. As the quantity of butter goes up, the tip goes down. It's some type of backwards waiter economics. You would think that I have pleased the customer by helping them replace their red blood cells with a golden stream of drawn butter to clog their veins. At the end of meals, I have seen people drink up the remaining amount of drawn butter from their ramekin.

Even worse than just the butter everywhere is that it is often multiplied by tid bits of crab meat everywhere. While I don't expect guest to all be experts at opening crab legs (which is why I ask if they know how when I deliver food) there are certainly those who don't have a clue about the havoc they are about to cause their server. I've seen people launch segments of crab into the air and hit people at tables 10 feet away. It's like they think this is the pole vault and the more energy they put into it the better. I've seen segments of crab shell ricochet off of ceiling panels. If I get hit in the eye, is that workman's comp claimable?

Red Lobster has bibs we present the guests when they are eating a Maine Lobster, and it's optional for all crab legs. I think we need to also begin providing eye protection for those who are seated near the person eating this stuff. We also could take some hints from Famous Dave's and just put papertowl rolls right on the table. Still, I suspect some would find ways to over come these items of cleaning and protection.


Related Tags: Red Lobster, Seafood, Restaurant, Darden, GMRI, Drawn Butter, Maine Lobster, Paper Towls, Bib, Adult Bib, Crab legs, Snow Crab, King Crab, Messy, Messies, Famous Dave's, Ramekin, Exxon Valdez, Poltergeist