Thursday, July 13, 2006

Not polite to take that out in public

Some time ago I was waiting on a table of three women. They were all mid-30's ish and generally attractive. Their meal went fine, a couple of fish orders, some wine and a good deal of talking. Experienced servers develop a form of camper radar. We frequently know early on that a table is pretty likely to sit in our section far longer than we would want them to. Mine was going off loud and clear, these seemed like old friends who had some catching up to do. I resisted my urge to tell them $tarbucks is down the street.

After about two hours, the woman who was on the side of the booth by her self began to fiddle with the check, and I took that as my clue to give a stop and see if I could run it for them in the hopes of getting them to make their way out of my section. The lady asked that I give her a minute while she digs out payment. I was also sat another table at this time, so I slid over a booth and began my intro. While I am talking to my new table, I can see into the booth next to me where the ladies are that this woman is looking a bit frustrated as she digs through her purse. Calling this a purse though is like calling a Hummer a car. It was huge, and I could see why she was having trouble finding anything.

I continued on with my new table, watching with a bit of more interest as the woman began to empty the contents of her purse onto the table in front of her friends. Just as I completed taking my drink and appetizer order, I could hear a faint buzz sound. It sounded like a cell phone set to silent, but not quite like a cell phone. All of a sudden the ladies became very quiet, the vibrating noise got louder then stopped. As I turned away from my new table I saw my guest with a big bright green vibrator in her hand. Not the bullet kind, but one that looks like it was molded off of a guy's privates, and then increased in size by 30%. Other nearby tables could also see/hear what was going on (thankfully my new table was a very elderly couple completely oblivious to the goings on in the neighboring booth). If this thing were any larger I might think it an item for personal defense and not a "toy". And my lady was red. BRIGHT RED. Her friends, now silent, were in some stage of shock/mortification and probably not quite sure what to do or say next.

Not being one to miss a great opportunity like this (and seeing that the credit card was on the table) I walked past and casually said just loud enough for the three ladies to hear, "Ma'am, do you have a license to carry that concealed weapon?" I grabbed the credit card as the women erupted in laughter. They were crying from laughing so hard when I returned to the table with their card and receipt. I thanked them for visiting, and wished them a good evening.

There was a 30% tip left when I cleared the table, with a simple note at the bottom of the credit card slip that said "Thanks! Cindy".

Oh the things we see...


Related Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

8 comments:

Duckie said...

Brilliant!

Skwerly said...

Bravissimo! You handled that with style and grace, and earned every cent of that tip.

BoringTales said...

Too funny! I bet she was embarrassed. That's a story they will tell at every dinner out together they ever have now...

espie joans said...

nice. truth is stranger than fiction I guess.

I wonder, is it really true though?

Lobster Boy said...

Oh it's certainly true. This was one of those stories you know instantly is far too good to be made up.

We also once had a lady in who thought they (she and her friends) were going to have a "sex toy sales party" in our back room. Unfortunately we don't have a back room that can be separated from the rest of the restaurant (meaning no privacy). So the lady leading the sales pitch, not knowing this, walks in first with an armful of product catalogs and bags filled with "tools of the trade" to get set up before others arrive. It was a group of friends, and nobody had bothered to tell the lady they were all just eating dinner at our RL and then going to a lady's house for the "sales pitch". The sales lady was a bit embarrassed, but thankfully she had the smarts to keep all her products in non-descript bags. I wouldn't have known about this except for I was one of the servers on the party and happened to be near their table when the lady explained to the other women what had happened. They too got a good laugh about it.

Lobster Boy

briliantdonkey said...

great story thats freaking hilarious, and somehow not surprising at all. I am not sure if i have commented before or just meant to, but nice blog you have going here as well. Thanks for the read.

Briliantdonkey

elhaf said...

That made me laugh out loud. Waiters always have the best stories. Check my link below for a few (somewhat less) funny stories. Have you seen the movie Waiting?

Lobster Boy said...

I have not (yet) seen the movie "Waiting" I do intend to see it some day, but have never gotten around to getting it.

Lobster Boy