Thursday, August 17, 2006

I wish my coasters were Ninja throwing stars

From time to time strange thoughts pass through my mind. The other day I was thinking about a couple of my guests, and the thought came to me that it sure would be a lot more interesting if I had ninja throwing stars instead of lame cardboard coasters. I could walk around with an apron full (of course the pocket on the apron would have to be Kevlar reenforced or something) administering my own form of server justice. Giving one of my teammates a rough time? Zing, one to the temple. Snapping your fingers at me? Zip, what fingers? Every hour or so you could make an example of someone, and people would really quit pestering you I'd bet. This would be a sweet retaliation for all those rude selfish guests that make the nice women I work with cry. It would be a sweet way to stop people who think they are skipping out on the check. If you read in the news "Waiter goes bezerk with ninja throwing stars" you'll know it was me.

That got me thinking too that we could have canisters of spray pepper to utilize when we would normally bring our fresh ground pepper (with the salads). By the time you bring salads, you know 90% of the time the prospects of your tip. You also know by this point if the table is going to be a PITA (pain in the ass) for the next 45-90 minutes of your life. We could use it as a secondary implement to get people camped out in our sections to move onto somewhere else.

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8 comments:

Bam said...

This reminds me of a funny story.... One night, while I was tending bar, a co-worker thought it would be fun to start a coaster war in the middle of the dinner rush. I had worked a split that day, serving during the lunch shift, so I just happened to have coasters on me. After a few vollies back and forth, said co-worker winged one at me, but it caught a draft and zinged a guest right in the face. :-D The guy (guest) was a jerk to begin with, so I guess it was karma.... Good times!

LadyOscar said...

I'm reminded of this great Onion article:

Twelve Customers Gunned Down in Convenience Store Clerk's Imagination

OldSchoolD15 said...

Haha, my fellow RL servers and I are constantly throwing coasters down the alley at each other, although the rectangles don't fly as straight as the round ones did.

Bam's comment reminded me of something that happened a couple of years ago, not too long after I'd started as a host. We had just had our Lobby Excellence meeting that morning, and for some reason there were a bunch of mini-beach-balls that came with the training materials, so later that day, my manager, of all people, decides to start a game of Lobbyvolleyball with the 4 hosts on. It was pretty fun until one of the hostesses made a stray shot that hit an exiting guest in the face. My manager let the hostess go home then...

Duckie said...

I love your blog! I work in a gaming store, and I wish we could use our controllers on the interactive tv's to beat people. "Excuse me miss.. this game says PRE-PLAYED on it, will it ACTUALLY work or are you selling crap?" hmmm let me think about that while I randomly swing this xbox controller around my head and then proceed to beat you with it.

OldSchoolD15 said...

That image made me laugh out loud X-)

Duckie said...

My boyfriend just made a good point. I could cut game discs into my very own throwing stars..hmm

samuel said...

Though not as deadly as throwing stars, I've known some people that could zip a coaster with deadly accuracy. Another fun thing to throw are towels. Soak your average white restaurant towel and ring it out well. If thrown correctly they make a great frisbee. You throw it kind of like hand tossing a pizza dough.

Ranter said...

It'd be cool instead of beeping, if the Sensormatic (clothing security tags) sensors at the doors would zap shoplifters rather than just beeping annoyingly. That would be fun. Frying customers. But not nearly as fun as ninja star coasters!