Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Pet Peeve - Dishes


Let me tell you how tired I am with the attempted banter of some guests who think they are clever or cute.

No, you can't wash our dishes. We have a Mexican crew who shit more useful things than you, and I'm not about to let you get in their way. They work hard and have earned my respect. You on the other hand have earned my disdain. Moron.

Telling me I can keep the check. How about I kick you in the nuts then, once for each dollar you owe me? Oh, I see, your ex-wife still has your balls, that definately explains some things...

Seriously. Is this the best you can come up with? You are the 30th person this week to say one of these lame lines you mental midget. Come up with something original. Nobody finds your lame ass funny. Nobody.

7 comments:

udo said...

When a guest offers to wash dishes, I usually open their check presenter to look at the total and say something like, "Well let's see, our dish washers make $6 an hour so, wow you will probably have to come back again tomorrow to finish paying your debt"! I like it because it really makes them think about how much money they just spent compared to how little others make! And then if you want to go farther, you can tell the guest that they will have to be the one to send that poor Mexican dish washer home because you refuse to make a grown man cry. Be creative.

Cheesemeister said...

I always hated when people would fight over the check at the end of the meal. Decide beforehand who's going to pay or how the hell you're going to split it! One guy actually clawed the back of my hand in his mad grab for the stinking check on one occasion. I'm lucky I didn't get tetanus or something!

udo said...

My advice is just to be straight forward and honest, however in a covert, casual, joking manner. Ask, in your own special way, "who is the best tipper of the bunch"?

Stephanie said...

I don't know if all RLs have the same booths that we do... but when I used to be a host (and still occasionally now that I'm a server), some old lady will chuckle and ask me for a booster seat. Harharharhar.

udo said...

I wish more old ladies would ask for a booster seat while seated at a booth! It would get their tits off of the table. I wouldn't have to say, "Watch out, hot plate (move you tits)!" anymore.

Half Ocean Half Sky said...

You know what kills me? My name is Cat and I swear that when I tell people my name one of two things happens. 1. They meow at me. (Which isn't so bad because then they always remember my name. Actually sometimes when people don't hear me, I say, "Cat, like the animal. Meow.") or 2. They say, "Where's dog?"

And to save my tip, I laugh. Every. Single. Time.

Jeanie said...

bah haha. one i hear at least five times a day at Olive Garen, sister to RL (and so every other server must hear, though i've never discussed it with them) is a response to "tell me when's enough" as i'm grating cheese onto anything that goes onto the table. the customer grows a goofy smirk for about 3/4 a second then blurts out, looking me straight in the eye, "oh, just keep going till your arm gets tired!" like they've said the funniest, most original thing ever! seriously, i would be rich if only i was given $15 each time i heard that. so instead of saying, "you have no idea how many times i have heard that lame ass line, you fat idiot," i have to force myself to giggle with them as i insist i have grown and extra muscle in my arm for cranking cheese graters. gah!