Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy VD! (Valentine's Day that is)

Valentine's Day is generally one of my two favorite nights of the year to work (New Years being the other one). Lots of 2 tops, generally quick turn over, and lots of money to be made if the cooks don't fuck it all up and get behind.

The drawback is that the significant other in you life just won't understand when you can't EVER get this day off of work.  So just buy some extra chocolates on the way home, or plant for a few extra blow jobs to make it up. Yes ladies, I just equated chocolate to blow jobs.  Deal with it.

But the one thing that always happens is some amateur will undoubtedly propose during the evening.  This is shitty on a number of levels.

1.  It makes all the other commit-o-phobes look like assholes.
2.  It makes the slackers who aren't ready to move out of mom's basement talk about one of the few things in life they don't want to talk about - marriage.  Another one would be used grandma panties.  I've done surveys.
3.  You couldn't come up with a better place to ask the woman of your dreams to spend the rest of her life with you than a place that smells like fryer grease and dock worker ass crack?
4.  You really think trusting your 1/5 carrot wing to a highly caffeinated college dropout pothead server is a wise part of the plan?
5.  You were probably already getting laid tonight - it's Valentine's Day.  So why waste that when you could use the ring at some future date and get guaranteed nookie again?
6.  Back to #3 for a moment - Seriously?  This was all you could come up with?  I'd rather propose at the bus stop.

I quit counting a long time ago the number of people I've "helped" with their proposal.  Ring in the champaign, ring in the shrimp scampi (no, not kidding), ring on a string for a balloon.  But what I do still count is rejections.  Three.  I've been the witness to 3 major fails.

One was so full of fail that the girl actually walked out on the guy after he proposed.  Brother didn't do his homework I guess.

Best one ever though, and I'd gladly do this again, was a Marine who came back on leave without telling his girlfriend he got a week to come home from Afghanistan.  Her friends took her out as a "group date" since they were all kinda fugly/homely looking and didn't have dates themselves I'm guessing.  But they were awesome friends, because they were all in on it - he had called them on his way back to the USA and set it all up.  Her back was to the door, so she didn't see him until he literally knelt down beside her at the table.  She lost it.  Her friends lost it, hell most of the staff and half the restaurant lost it.  He was still in his BDU's (I think that's what they are called anyhow).  When she said yes the place erupted with a cheer and after a few congratulations Mr. Marine took her (leaving the friends to stay and eat) to some nice restaurant elsewhere.

Good luck tonight, make lots of cash.

12 comments:

Marie said...

Yep, we had the proposal last night at our rl just as predicted. Never fails. Valentines day + red lobster + MEAL FOR TWO AT 29.99!!! + sharing a giant booth with two other sappy love drunk strangers, separated by some foliage to simulate separate privates booths = why WOULDN'T she say yes?!!?! ...Git 'er done.

Commisioner Tagliabue said...

Any chance we'll get any comments/info from you on the new bar and busser pay scale and tipout system? I'm told its company wide, but not sure how much truth there is to that.

If you need more info, I'll gladly supply it :)

Lobster Boy said...

On the busser/bartender pay scale & tipout I'll be addressing that in my next post. But you are welcome to chime in on it!

Lobster Boy

Mariela Chavez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Commisioner Tagliabue said...

So as to not leave you hanging in suspense, I'll reveal some details before the post here digs into everything:

On March 21st (I think), company wide, all bartenders and bussers at Red Lobster will have their pay decreased to $5 and $4 respectively. Any current tipout you do in the bar (usually a minimum 5% of bar sales) will be done away with, and each server will AUTOMATICALLY tipout 1.75% of their total sales. 1% goes to the bar, .75% to the bussers. This amount will automatically be adjusted through your checkout.

Simply, the company is taking wages from bartenders and bussers (for many, close to a 50% descrease. For any long-standing employees a BIG descrease) and then supplementing that money by taking money from the servers and dispersing it back to the bartenders and bussers. I read an article on the Orlando Sentinel that the company plans to save between 4-5 Million dollars with this change.

Our store is having a meeting this Saturday morning, and all the bartenders have been getting "the talk" this week at our store. Everyone will be required to sign a "policy change" and agree to it in order to continue working.

I anxiously await your article and the enormous backlash that is looming :)

Paula said...

the bartenders will still make approx the same money, it will just come from the servers and NOT the corporation......Red LObster loves to screws it servers, remember when you had 5 tables then they cut you down to 3 under the pretense that you will make more money cuz you will give better service? Watch for the higher echelon in the Corp to be getting big bonus and pay increases.....That how Corporate America works.......stop working for those A**holes !!!!

angryserver said...

i was hoping for some input as we also had our "meeting" and were praised for our vip service....told we would probably make diamond club...were thanked for being the reason behind it and then at the very end told about the tip out....i myself will be losing about 200 dollars a month in doing so...this corporation does not think of us the people that actually make their money for them....they just think of us as the bottom of the food chain and something needs to be done....corporate greed.....

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James Norcross said...

Believe it or not, it could be worse. I have seen signs at White Castle saying that they were taking reservations for Valentine's Day. If you take your girlfriend to White Castle for dinner on Valentine's Day, you should probably consider yourself lucky if she does not dump you on the spot. And I suppose that there would be someone stupid enough to propose at White Castle, which to my way of thinking would make Red Lobster look like the most elegant restaurant you could imagine.

Loved the story about the Marine. And you got it right about the BDUs. If he had arrived in dress uniform, you would have mentioned it.

Bill said...

what's up with the use of decadant to describe some the food a Red Lobster? Is the food really rotten and falling into decomposition?

Simon said...

Will there be the same $29.99 promo at Red Lobster this year... I am thinking of bring my GF there.. Also thanks for this wonderful blog where you share the insights of the restaurant..:)

Lobster Boy said...

Simon - there is a somewhat similar promotion running at the moment - a 4 course meal for $15 each. Soup, salad, entree and dessert. Click Here for more info.