Red Lobster in The Onion

Red Lobster: Taking Up The Vanguard In The Fight Against Women In The Workplace

ORLANDO, FL—In today’s fast-paced corporate world, it sometimes seems as if the moral fabric of our society has been stretched beyond recognition in the name of so-called social progress.

 Bowing to the twin demons of feminism and political correctness, many businesses have readily yielded to the pressures of the country’s advancing women’s rights front, allowing their fear of losing a few customers to cloud their judgment and dilute their most fundamental of values. But not at Red Lobster.

For over 40 years, the country’s preeminent seafood restaurant chain has strived to maintain a respectable business environment in both its restaurants and its corporate structure. And though the currents of change may have shaken the resolve of other eateries, Red Lobster’s leadership is in firm agreement that their company now and forever will remain at the forefront in the ongoing fight against women in the workplace.

 “Red Lobster’s corporate values have always been directly aligned with the interests of the traditional American family, and that means we are vigorously opposed to the female infiltration of the workplace,” said Clarence Otis Jr., CEO of Red Lobster’s parent company Darden Restaurants Inc., and a self-described “die-hard opponent” of the women’s rights movement. “That’s why, when you step into one of our restaurants for a taste of the most delicious seafood around, you won’t see a single female employee who isn't a server or hostess, and you’ll never, ever see a woman working in any kind of supervisory role.” “

That’s our promise to you,” Otis continued.

 Click through for the full piece.

Red Lobster policy changes - Out with the new and in with the old(er).

If you haven't heard, Red Lobster has recently reversed course on the changes they had made to their rules for how many tables a server can take at one time.  Sandra Pedicini of the Orlando Sentinel covered it here.

Let me explain for you the depths of this corporate clusterfuck.

When you as a company, make intentional, strategic choices that force the best service staff your company has to offer to leave the company for greener pastures and then you change rules to disastrous effect there is no one to blame but corporate leadership

It should come as no surprise to you when you try to give the left over green servers and largely incompetent remains (there are still a few good people undoubtedly) more tables, that it is a recipe for disaster.

When I started serving for Red Lobster, first on the floor by myself, I got a 2 table section.  I gave those tables great service, proved my ability over a month or two, and was finally given a 3 table section.  I lived with that as I learned the ropes for probably the next 12-18 months. Maybe longer.  I made fine tips, learned to do my side work while managing my tables, and advanced to the point I was helping other servers on top of this.  It was roughly at this point I became a server trainer.  I was also at this point given the opportunity to take shifts where when we would cut staff it would mean I might have a 4th or even a 5th table for brief periods of time.  Again, I did this for a year or so, until I was finally given the opportunity to be a closer.  In those days, especially on Friday and Saturday nights, being a closer was like hitting the jackpot on some weekends.  After everyone was closed and most everyone had gone home, it wasn't uncommon to get a little late rush.  6 tables?  No problem if you rotate between me and the other closer.  7 tables?  Sure, just seat the bartender one in the rotation.  8 tables?  Now I'm getting busy, but I'll put off my closing sidework until after close.  At roughly 9 tables I'd better get a manager to start making salads.  But we could do it, and still give good service because we had slowly worked our way there.  Now I won't contend that my 9 table service is equal to my 4 table service, it isn't, but it was still surprisingly good.  As long as they are clustered in one area where I can quickly survey them all for needs, I could keep up.  And since these periods always were short, and the tables were at various stages of dining, it was possible.  9 tables at once is not possible if they all walk in at the same time BTW.  Good workflow, good habits, and being on the tail end of getting everything stocked before people leave for home sets this up to work just fine.  And the money would roll in.  I closed 5 nights a week 50ish weeks a year for this very reason.

But in the current mess Red Lobster corporate leadership systematically drove away their best servers over the past few years.  The best trainers, the experienced, hard working people who had been in the trenches for years and sometimes decades started to flee the company like rats jumping ship.  I called out this warning on many occasions here on the blog.  But unfortunately, Orlando (corporate HQ) has shown time and time again that it is in a bubble outside the real world of the day to day operations of their restaurants.  So gone were the best of the service staff due to the enforcement of 3 table sections.  Gone were any good newcomers who were unwilling to be indentured servants known as "server assistants" for months on end.  Gone were the good bar tenders who could competently take tables.  And you were left with a bunch of green, incompetent and largely untested servers.  And you added another table into the mix without making many of them ever earn it.  And the shit hit the fan.

Customer complaints skyrocketed.  Comps climbed like a thermometer in the sun in Phoenix in July.  Staff were stressed, management frustrated and kitchens irate.  All because there was no wisdom nor vision at the top of the corporate structure.  I've warned for years that Red Lobster has lost its way, and it was because the brain was dead while the body kept on working.

So on the heels of all this, Red Lobster has had to take back the 4th table so people who probably have yet to be proven to be 3 table ready can get back to barely getting by and keep their heads above water.  Sad.  To think that people get stock options to screw things up this badly is hard to fathom.

I feel especially bad for the few remaining rockstars who due to various life circumstances have had to stick it out through all of this.  People who couldn't leave because Red Lobster is still the best option in their town in spite of this.  People who had to stay for the health insurance.  People like that will once again be punished with a 3 table section due to the lowest common denominator principle of service.  When you as an organization are making corporate wide decisions based on the least competent of your service staff, you're in deep, deep trouble.  Red Lobster, you were great at one time, but now you're reduced to this.  3 table sections, 1/2 price Lobsterfest meals, losing your best staff and destroying your culture.  I'm glad I liquidated all my Darden stock a long time ago. I won't be losing sleep for you as you brought this on yourself.

Darden backs off on some 'Obamacare' changes

Sandra Pedicini, of the Orlando Sentinel, continues to lead the way in Darden/Red Lobster coverage.  She has a great piece covering how Darden was working on a scheme to screw the working stiff out of health care under Obamacare.  I've mentioned before I'm not a fan of Obamacare as it stands, but this is some dirty shit and I'm glad Red Lobster had their balls busted hard for this.

One of my favorite segments of the article comes from some customers who are leading the way in my customer of the year contest:

Customers such as Gary and Jane Bradford of Kissimmee said they stopped visiting Olive Garden and Red Lobster once they heard about Darden's plans to cut worker hours.
"We decided we were no longer going to go to their place of business, if that's the way they're treating their employees," Gary Bradford said.

 If you own Darden stock and you haven't liquidated it, come next Spring I suggest you get out.  The people "leading" Darden are lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean, and those kind of people nearly never lead an organization upward.

Darden taking steps to screw you out of insurance

The following article points to two things. 

1)  The pending health care reforms dubbed as "Obamacare" are a clusterfuck of epic proportions.  I'm not against affordable healthcare, but this is a shitbag we've been sold.  And I say that as a non-wingnut non-teabagger.  It IS bad for business, especially smaller businesses.  People need health care.  The system needs reform.  This program is not to the solution to either of those, and it is a crying fucking shame that its the best the dicks we elect could come up with.  They need to be stripped of their medical plans and put on Obamacare to see just how long the system lasts.  Bozos of duchebaggery hosing us all.

2)  Darden will do anything it can to fuck its employees.  Anything.  Remember the original title to this blog?  Red Lobster Hates Its Employees.  I was sooo not bull shitting you.  If they can shit on the working man, they will.  You are a replaceable and expendable cog.  Don't be delusional an think otherwise.  If stabbing you with a knife would save them 0.5%, they'd arm their managers nightly, and ask you to sharpen the blade as side work.

Darden tests limiting worker hours as health-care changes loom

By Sandra Pedicini, Orlando Sentinel

7:15 p.m. EDT, October 7, 2012

In an experiment apparently aimed at keeping down the cost of health-care reform, Orlando-based Darden Restaurants has stopped offering full-time schedules to many hourly workers in at least a few Olive Gardens, Red Lobsters and LongHorn Steakhouses.
Darden said the test is taking place in "a select number" of restaurants in four markets, including Central Florida, but would not give details. The company said there has been no decision made about expanding it.

In an emailed statement, Darden said staffing changes are "just one of the many things we are evaluating to help us address the cost implications health care reform will have on our business. There are still many unanswered questions regarding the health care regulations and we simply do not have enough information to make any decisions at this time."

Analysts say many other companies, including the White Castle hamburger chain, are considering employing fewer full-timers because of key features of the Affordable Care Act scheduled to go into effect in 2014. Under that law, large companies must provide affordable health insurance to employees working an average of at least 30 hours per week.

If they do not, the companies can face fines of up to $3,000 for each employee who then turns to an exchange — an online marketplace — for insurance.

"I think a lot of those employers, especially restaurants, are just going to ensure nobody gets scheduled more than 30 hours a week," said Matthew Snook, partner with human-resources consulting company Mercer.

Darden said its goal at the test restaurants is to keep employees at 28 hours a week.
Analysts said limiting hours could pose new challenges, including higher turnover and less-qualified workers.


Continue reading the article here. 

Darden Lawsuit - Servers give this a look

Well, not just servers, but especially servers.  Normally I'd consider ambulance chasers to be poor form, but I'd love to see Darden kicked squarely in the balls (repeatedly) on this one.  Keep in mind that Darden cannot punish you for joining the lawsuit.  The lawsuit that would be incurred from that action is something they won't play with.

This lawsuit includes Capital Grille, Red Lobster, Olive Garden, Longhorn Steakhouse & more.

Darden Lawsuit:

Have you been the victim of unfair labor practices while working for a Darden Restaurant?

Consider joining the class action lawsuit. 

Know Your Rights, You Have Options.

Many of the almost 168,000 restaurant workers at The Darden Restaurant Group, the world’s largest restaurant group, earn wages below the minimum wage — with tipped minimum wages as low at $2.13 an hour and non-tipped wages as low as $7.25 an hour. In addition, many workers are not compensated for time that they work off-the-clock or are not paid appropriate overtime wages. This lawsuit provides Darden’s current and former servers the opportunity to join together and seek back wages owed to them for the time spent doing general maintenance or preparatory duties that they performed for less than minimum wage. Learn More>

From the FAQ:

1. What is this lawsuit about?
This case is about whether Darden failed to pay tipped employees such as servers the wages that they were entitled to under the Federal Fair Labor Standards Act. Plaintiffs allege that they were required by Darden to work off the clock, both before and after their assigned shifts. Plaintiffs also claim that Darden directed them and other servers to perform work that would not generate tips such as general maintenance and preparatory duties without paying proper wages for such work, and that Darden failed to pay appropriate overtime wages.

2. Who can be a part of this case?
People who were and/or are employed at the following Darden restaurants nationwide as a tipped employee (such as a server) at any time from August 2009 to the present: The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Longhorn Steakhouse, and the Capital Grille.  Even if you no longer work for Darden, you may still participate if you worked at one or more of these restaurants after August 2009.

3. Why should I participate in this lawsuit?
You may be owed back pay. Our lawsuit claims that Darden required tipped employees, such as servers, to do general maintenance and/or preparatory type work for which those employees did not earn tips and were not paid minimum wage.  The goal of this lawsuit is to require Darden to pay its employees for all of the work they performed. You do not have to participate in this lawsuit.  However, if you decide not to become a part of the case,  you will not be able to share in any recovery that may be awarded.

Server Assistants in the Orlando Sentinel

Over the years I've spoken with Sandra Pedicini on quite a few occasions (she wrote the piece).  She's always given us - the working stiff - a very fair shake.  Check out her article here. 

From the article:

Red Lobster is revamping the way workers wait on tables in a move that some employees and experts say could hinder service at the world's largest casual-dining seafood chain.

In a plan that starts nationwide Monday, the chain owned by Orlando-based Darden Restaurants will eliminate busboys, demote many waiters and reduce the number of servers working each shift by assigning each four tables instead of three.


Darden said the new system will cut costs but actually improve service. Unhappy employees and some restaurant experts warn it could result in demoralized, stressed-out workers — never a good thing in the hospitality business.

"We're going to be completely worn out," said Bob Meehan, a longtime server at Red Lobster in Lake Worth. "It's definitely going to hurt service."

Chris Muller, dean of Boston University's hospitality school, said worker morale will likely suffer. "If you don't like the people you're working with and for … it's going to show," he said.

Red Lobster spokeswoman Heidi Schauer insisted many employees like the changes and that diners at restaurants that tested them seemed to approve as well.

 I'm guessing that Heidi didn't ask the server assistants, nor did they have an outside and unbiased party ask.

Read the comments here.  Server ASSistants is a fucking train wreck for Darden.


Seeing as how I've have left the Red Dumpster, I'd like to connect some existing employees with Mrs. Pedicini.  She can/will keep it completely anonymous.  Let me know at RLserver AT gmail DOT com if you'd be interested in talking to her from time to time about the ongoing bullshit we know as working at Red Lobster.
 

The Red Lobster Server ASSistant

Edit:  Server Assistant = a person and/or shift where someone who might normally be a server is a server's server for less wages.  Responsible for a lion's share of the side work the server otherwise would be expected to do.  Responsible for nearly all other grunt work that isn't schmoozing the customer.  Largely the shifts are being assigned to older servers who don't want a "flexible" schedule (many times lunch-only servers), as well as new servers, marginal quality servers, and anyone who has made it to a manager's shit list.  Not a tool of corrective action, but rather a stick to punish in the management's hands.  SA's are being paid sub-minimum wage (as is allowable for tipped employees) but then aren't being rewarded with the same amount of tips as a server would make.  So all-in-all more work for less pay and you have to eat that bowl of shit soup or hit the bricks.

Pure and unadulterated Red Lobster management clusterfuck is my opinion.  When you are shitting yourself in the corporate office because your stock price may be tanking and you are losing ground to your competition, you have one of two ways to go.  Go cheap and fuck the working man, or go big in the right areas and invest your way to improvement.

Care to guess what the dickless wonders in Orlando chose?  (Option A in case you're are new here.)

Let me quote myself for a moment:

In my years I've seen Red Lobster (Darden) do some pretty petty and asinine things to screw their best employees.  They do it regularly enough that it has become par for the course.

If you click on my profile it says: 
I've worked for Red Lobster for the better part of a decade. They used to care for their employees, now we're just another warm body in their soulless corporation. The views expressed here are OBVIOUSLY not corporate Red Lobster's or Darden's. If you can't figure that out, press your call button and someone will be right by to smack you in the head with a hammer.
The blog formerly known as "Red Lobster hates its employees".

I've been sounding this warning for years now.  Red Lobster hates its employees.  You are just another cog in the machine. Start squeaking and you don't get oiled, you get removed and replaced with another nameless cog.

So this comes as no surprise that Darden would bend over their most important asset (service staff) and give it to them in the ass.

Restaurant wisdom #1 - don't fuck with the people who will be serving you your food.

Restaurant wisdom #2 - don't fuck the dish crew.

Restaurant wisdom #3 - don't fuck with the people who serve your customers their food.

This falls into category #3 obviously.  And when you start screwing with your most important asset, it never goes good for you.  I've been in/on/near RL staff off and on since the early 90's.  Every time Darden has taken care of their service staff, they've been rewarded.  Every time they pull stupid shit like this and it costs them.

So if you are holding Darden stock (WHY!?!) liquidate that sooner than later.

I've been hearing stories out of Red Lobsters that are sure to inspire a number of law suits from this move.  I do think it is going to get ugly.  And I'll be hear laughing and cheering for the working stiff that's been getting stiffed by their corporate master far too frequently in recent years.

I've suggested it before, but look into unionizing.  Seriously.  It can't hurt, and it might help.  I know unions are falling out of national favor, and I can't say I disagree with many of those reasons, but this is a place where I think a new union movement might well be worth the people's time, effort and money.

Workers unite!

Clearing the room

Have you ever farted and cleared a room?  Or had it so bad YOU had to leave the room?  Yeah...I know nothing of that.  AT ALL.

It has been no secret my outright hostility towards the upper leadership (ha - you call that leadership?) of Red Lobster the past 5-7 years, but especially the past 3 years.  There was a time Red Lobster was a great place to work for/at.  The company cared for their employees and actively took steps for retention and employee satisfaction.  Those days are long gone.  I have enough years under my belt with Darden/Red Lobster to know the management in Orlando look like a duck in a storm right now.  Calm on the surface but swimming like hell under the water trying to get somewhere safe.

But their ideas for safe have been to subvert the very hands that feed them.  Just when I think Darden couldn't do something more stupid to fuck with their key staff - the ones who interact directly with their guests - the face of the company - just when I think that they go and screw shit up worse than ever before.

Darden is a big company, but don't be fooled, their ship is on the outer edges of a large whirl pool that is trying to suck them under.  They still can turn the ship and get out of it, but from what I've seen, there isn't anyone with the sense or balls to make that happen.  So rats are starting to jump off the ship.  The rats are always the first ones to go.  They haven't bought the bull-shit the captain is selling that he can get the boat back on course.  They see and sense what is happening, and their self preservation instincts let them know when the time is right.

The time is right.  Even if they turn the ship, I'm not waiting that long to see it happen.  I've worked hard for a lot of years to get to a place where my interests (read income streams) outside of Red Lobster pay considerably more for my time and talents.  So much more that it is no longer worth my time to put up with the corporate bull-shit Darden keeps shoveling our way expecting us to eat it and grin.

I announced a while ago that this day was coming (it came a while back actually), and it couldn't come soon enough.  You know how when you know your relationship is dead, but you still keep on showing up to fuck her because it is what you've become accustomed to?  Yeah, that's been me for about 4 months.  It was time.

What the future holds for me?  Well, a lot of things.  The past 7 days has been largely nothing but skimpy bikini's, sun, endless margaritas and all inclusive resort life.  The beaches just south of Cancun are particularly nice this time of year.  And the bikini's are smaller than I remember them.  And that is in no way a complaint.

We're going to Burning Man at the end of the summer.  I thought it would be totally ironic to show up in a lobster outfit, but then I thought about that for a few minutes and came to the conclusion that less is more in the desert.  So maybe the sun will make me look like a cooked lobster, but no suit.  I've been wanting to do this for years, and this year my old lady is making it happen for me.  Kinda a celebratory gift for a great last year and my leaving fried seafood hell.

The other thing with Burning Man is that I'll be creating and hopefully selling (or making contacts to sell) some art.  While I won't go into details on it (nor will I be selling it here) my art is my true passion in life.  Though it has increasingly become profitable, it isn't something I could live off of I suspect.  But because of what it does for me creatively, it's something I'll continue pouring myself into regardless of the returns.

And I'll continue to grow my investment portfolio.  Through some well timed moves, shrewd business partners, and a bit of luck, we've grown my other business through this recession by about 375%.  That's going to take a lot of my time as I figure out both whether that growth is sustainable, and for how long.  I think there is a lot more potential there for us and I'm ready to press fully into that with the hopes of retiring no later than 55.  A man has to have a goal right?

I haven't decided yet what I'll be doing with the blog.  I have tens of thousands of stories which have gone untold over the years.  Some because they'd reveal who I am to people I'd prefer not knowing.  Others because I just never found time to put the ink on the screen.  So part of me wants to keep this creative outlet.  Part of me wants to just make a break and walk away.  It remains to be seen which part of me will win out.  Either way, I'll keep the blog up for archival purposes if nothing else, to have a record of my journey the last few years of my life with the Lobster.

Red Lobster hates its employees.  That was the original title of this blog, and it has never been truer than today.

Restaurants Opportunities Centers United - Diners Guide

Download the PDF here if you haven't already.

Why this guide exists:


With over 10 million workers nationwide, the U.S. restaurant industry is one of the largest and fastest-growing sectors of the American economy, even during the current economic crisis. Unfortunately, despite the industry’s growth, restaurant workers suffer under poverty wages and poor working conditions. In particular, the industry suffers from:

1 LOW WAGES 
With a federal minimum wage of $2.13 for tipped workers and $7.25 for non-tipped workers, the median wage for restaurant workers is $8.90, just below the poverty line for a family of three. This means that
more than half of all restaurant workers nationwide earn less than the federal poverty line.

2 NO PAID SICK LEAVE
90% of the more than 4,300 restaurant workers surveyed by the Restaurant Opportunities Center (ROC) report not having paid sick leave, and two-thirds report cooking, preparing, and serving food while sick, making sick leave for restaurant workers not only a worker rights issue but a pressing concern in public health!

3 OCCUPATIONAL SEGREGATION 
Women, immigrants, and people of color hold lower-paying positions in the industry, and do not have many
opportunities to move up the ladder. Among the 4,300 workers surveyed, we found a $4 wage gap between white workers and workers of color, and 73% reported not receiving regular promotions on the job.


More on ROC United here.  Just because you are the little man, doesn't mean you are alone.  If your state isn't on the map, contact ROC and do something about it.

“When you go out to eat, you shouldn’t get wage theft, racism, and sick cooks
in the kitchen, along with your meal. How the food tastes at a restaurant really
doesn’t matter, if the people who work there are being mistreated.
This guide will help you separate the good guys from the bad.”
–ERIC SCHLOSSER, author of Fast Food Nation

“No matter how good the food, how local the ingredients, no one wants to support a
restaurant that takes advantage of its workers. It is possible for restaurants do the right
thing and make money. ROC promotes that high road to profitability. ROC’s work helps
people like you and me find restaurants that are doing the right by their workers.”
–JOSH VIERTEL, Founder and President, Slow Food USA

A Consumer Guide on the Working Conditions of American Restaurants

The below link was sent to me by a reader via Facebook - thanks!

Comes as no surprise to me that those businesses having legal charges being filed regarding discrimination and wage theft listed on page 28 of the PDF linked below are in the Darden fold - including Red Lobster.  Red Lobster (and Darden) HATES it's employees.  Corporate greed of the past and top level leadership incompetence of the past and present have really made a mess of things.  Don't bite the hand that feeds you ya' dumb bastards.  And please do download & read the PDF, it is quite interesting.

Click through for the full article at Good Lifestyle.

Dine Out Ethically:  Find Out Which Restaurants Treat Their Employees Right

Anyone who has worked in the service industry knows that the public face of a restaurant hardly reveals what's going on behind the scenes. The chipper smiles of food service workers, who make up one-tenth of the U.S. workforce, often belie the fact that these workers can make poverty wages and endure horrible working conditions.

Now, diners have a new tool to tell the ethical restaurants from the grimy ones. Just in time for the new year, Restaurant Opportunities Centers United has created a National Diners' Guide to 186 of the most popular restaurants in the country [PDF]. The guide rates restaurants based on tipped worker wages, non-tipped worker wages, paid sick days, and opportunity for advancement—like Zagat for socially-conscious dining. If a restaurant meets ROC United's standard, they earn an icon; if not, they get a zero. Standout establishments are awarded a silver or gold star; shady businesses receive a frowny face. The guide also includes tip cards for restaurant owners and workers that inform them of their rights.

The guide covers everywhere from Burger King to five star restaurants, and the results are mostly depressing. A smattering of high scorers—like California's Chaya Restaurant Group or New York City's Colors—are nestled in a sea of zeros, earned from places like McDonald's, Red Lobster, Olive Garden, and even chains with good reps like Starbucks.

I think Mad Money's Jim Cramer reads my blog

Saw this among some of my stock reports that came in yesterday (via CNBC) and I literally laughed out loud:

Friday, December 16

Darden Restaurants [DRI  43.21    0.13  (+0.3%)   ] reports before the bell, and Cramer wants to hear a recognition that something is structurally wrong that management needs to address, or we need new management. This is a name that pays you to wait, but Cramer is nervous the company has lost its way.

 

"...nervous the company has lost its way" - this gets a no shit sherlock from me.  I've been beating that drum for quite some time - like say 5 years.  FUBAR is what it is, and leadership is what it isn't.

Glad I liquidated my DRI a while ago.  Too many eggs in that basket for me at the time, and the writing is on the wall that unless something changes the slow steady decline will increase in pace.  I buried that money into some gold that I just recently got out of and made a nice fat pile to invest elsewhere that I think has a better future upside than gold.

No, I'm not giving you stock tips.

But I will say that I find Jim Cramer very entertaining, and generally a good source for intelligent investing philosophy advice.  Pay limited attention to the specific stocks he talks about and capture his overall mindset and you can do pretty well in today's market if you are patient and not blindly gambling.

Anyone got in-roads to the Zynga IPO they want to share with me?  I promise I won't hold onto my shares long.  (Cramer is dead on right on this too & is mentioned in the article as well).

I only have two real stock market regrets - not buying a ridiculous amount of Google at $150 when I had the chance, and selling a dead cat immediately before a sizable bounce.  I could've cut my losses on the dead cat by 60% had I waited 2 weeks.  Oh well, it's part of the game.

Endless Shrimp - I seafood differently - I'm not about the bullshit

My journey with Red Lobster has included more all-you-can-eat promotions than you can imagine, and they are all pretty much the same.  I can tolerate, and even like some of our promo's but this one's a bitch all the way around except for Darden's bottom line.

Endless Shrimp means about 3-5 times the work compared to an average meal.  Certainly it is that many more times to give good service, but it's that many more times for my lazy stoner co-worker to fuck it all up for me too. Our store is really exceptional at walking each other's refills, especially at lunch and during volume.  We have a few ladies at lunch who are like Energizer bunnies and rather than going to the gym they walk laps at Red Lobster while getting paid.  But there are people I work with who I intentionally keep from my tables.  People I want nowhere near my customers, even my bad customers.  And when those customers are regularly reordering shrimp by the dozen, it make it a battle to keep the weakest links away.  And mind you, they're not all stoners I'm trying to keep away, we have some really solid stoner servers.  I'm trying to keep away our middle age guy who stares at all the teenage girls.  I'm trying to keep the raging hormone bi-boi from trying to hit on my cute guys/gals.  I'm trying to keep the co-workers who are having a lover's quarrel out of my section to. And I'm trying at all costs to keep the over-the-top former used car salesman now wannabe manager (in training) as far from my end of the store as possible.  He tries to shake everyone's hands at the table.  Not.  Appropriate.  That's taking a table touch way too far hefe.

Every year I get panned (on my own blog nonetheless) for bitching about asshole customer's and shit tips during our all-you-can-eat pigout fest.  But here's the reality - I work more for less during this promo than any other time of the year.  It wouldn't be a big deal if we were salaried like a lot of the lazy douche bags who bitch in the comment sections here.  But we make JACK SHIT hourly, so tips are where it is at.  And Red Lobster Corporate has been doing their damnest to steal those from those of us who serve too.  It's like getting fucked while running.

The good news for me is that this is most likely my last go round with this cursed promotion.  Yes, you read that right.  There's a light at the end of my tunnel and it isn't a train.

But if you tip well, or hell, I'll even take polite, do come on in and get your four pounds of shrimp before the world's supply runs out - or we end the promo.

To the credit of my cooks, they are kicking out the very best tasting/looking AYCE shrimp I've ever seen.  We have a newish cook who has raised the overall level in our whole kitchen.  Dude is always on his game and that's made the other guys on the line kick it up a notch too.  I suspect it'll taper off after the grind of Endless Shrimp really sets in, but in the meantime it is certainly food I'm proud to serve.  Just tell my crazy coworkers to keep their hands off, I'll walk my own if your life is in the middle of a trainwreck/hotflash/drug induced haze.

Communist at Red Lobster - Welcome to the Gulag

In my years I've seen Red Lobster (Darden) do some pretty petty and asinine things to screw their best employees.  They do it regularly enough that it has become par for the course.

If you click on my profile it says: 
I've worked for Red Lobster for the better part of a decade. They used to care for their employees, now we're just another warm body in their soulless corporation. The views expressed here are OBVIOUSLY not corporate Red Lobster's or Darden's. If you can't figure that out, press your call button and someone will be right by to smack you in the head with a hammer.
The blog formerly known as "Red Lobster hates its employees".

I've been sounding this warning for years now.  Red Lobster hates its employees.  You are just another cog in the machine. Start squeaking and you don't get oiled, you get removed and replaced with another nameless cog.

Some tool at the corporate level has bought into the communist ideal - and for those of you readers too young to remember communism was a shitty way to run a country, and it's an even worse way to run your company.

What am I talking about you ask?  Well later this month all servers will be REQUIRED to have their earnings garnished as a "tip out" for bartenders and bussers.  Further, the bartenders, many of whom have a lot of years with the company, will arbitrarily have their hourly wages significantly reduced.

What are the ramifications of this?  First, it shits on the experienced day time bartender.  Sales are low during the day time shifts, but they often do a vast majority of the prep for the night time crew who will be too busy to do so.  So now in its corporate incompetence Darden thinks adjusting the business model to screw the hand that stirs their drink is wise business.  Pathetic abuse of some exceptional employees.

Further, it disproportionately punishes any sever working a daytime shift where far fewer alcoholic beverages are being served, because regardless of whether you sell a drink, the communist party at Darden is taking your money.  And if you live in a region of the USA where there is limited alcohol consumption *looking at you closet alcoholics in Utah* then you're just fucked and asked to like it and come back tomorrow for two more servings.


Now here's where I'm going to piss off some of my fellow servers, but I'm calling some of you lazy dogs out here.

How will this impact servers?  For a lot, especially the shitty ones, it'll cost them money.  Here comes the rant.

If you are a lazy incompetent server, this is going to cost you a boatload of cash.  So hopefully it'll make some of you whiny bitches hit the bricks.

What do I mean?  If you were all selling drinks like you were supposed to, and my drink sales are evidence that it IS possible, then this wouldn't be such a massive clusterfuck.  Furthermore, if you tipped out as well as you claimed you did you stingy chintzy bastards, none of this would matter.

What do I mean?  For years now I've tipped out AT LEAST 10% of all my bar sales to my bar tenders.  It's only fair.  And 10% of my bar sales on 90% of my shifts is a shitload more cash going to the bartender than this new system.  So in reality, because I'm good at my job, because I can sell shit - ketchup popsicles to ladies in white mink gloves biatch - I will actually take home more money due to this policy.  But I know I am in the minority in this.  And I ALWAYS tip my busser(s) prior to my shift so I know they'll be working their asses off for me rather than waiting and wondering.  And when I do well, I give them more at the end of the shift.  And believe me, the bussers do work their asses off in my section while...not so much in the other cheap prick's areas.

Why is Red Lobster kicking their front of the house employees in the balls (again)?  Because it will save them $4-5 million on the bottom line.  Never mind the fact they'll likely loose some of their best bartenders over this.  Never mind the fact they'll have training costs because of it.  Never mind the fact that they will have reduced productivity because of it.  Never mind they further reduce already shitty moral in many stores across the country and did nothing but generate ill will towards themselves.  You can only fuck with your people for so long and then things happen.  It would NOT surprise me if a movement begins in Red Lobsters across the country to move towards unionization because of this.  Check out UNITE HERE if you are interested.

All you can eat shrimp commercials piss me off!

Every time that damn Red Lobster all you can eat shrimp commercial comes on TV, my stress meter pegs.  Not because work stresses me out, but because some corporate douche-bag gets paid way too much to torment me like this.  It's bad enough I have to deal with AYCE 5-6 days a week, and then I can't escape it on my off hours.  It interrupts football.  It's a poke in my eye.  Its like when a bull sees the matador waving this weak ass crappy flap of cloth.  I want to give it the horns and gore the hell out of it and then stomp on his balls to make sure he gets the point.  But that would only break my TV which I am quite fond of.

Coupons are evil!

Dear Red Lobster,
We hate - HATE HATE HATE - coupons.  Can you share with us any verifiable data that shows they bring people who tip into our stores?  They might improve your bottom like, but they give my bottom line a knee to the balls.

Random Red Lobster crap

Mad Bar Tender - a view of things to come?  Another reminder that Darden has become a soulless corporation.  When I tell newer employees of the good old days back in the 90's they think I'm making stuff up.  It is amazing just how little Red Lobster cares for their employees - from the top corporate executives on down to the local management.  I've never seen such a large organization who regularly shoots itself in the foot in regards to employee relations.


A few years back I wrote about some of the sick shit customers do in our restaurants - Doing Gross Things at the Table.  I have a few more to add to that list.

Give me more mommy!

1.  A while ago I was waiting on Mom, Dad and Junior.  Junior looked to be about 6-7 years old I'm guessing.  He was missing some teeth - and by some, it appears that he was the model for most jack-o-lanterns.  So sitting at the table, Junior pull out yet another tooth.  A bit gross, but not out of the ordinary for a 7 year old little boy.  He nicely wrapped the bloody tooth in his napkin and stuck it in his pocket.  This is where the story turns for the bad.  I come back to the table a few minutes after delivering their food to do my check back and make sure everything is great.  As I approach the table I see this horror - mom scoops up some shrimp from Juniors plate with her fork, chews it, spits it out onto the fork, and puts it on his plate.  Junior scoops it up with his fork and proceeds to eat it.  I've seen birds do this, but not people.  That's not right.  When Mom notices that I observed this, she casually says "His tooth is bothering him, we do this all the time."  I stifle vomit and laughter long enough to escape to the alley.  Barely.

2.  If your boobs point to the floor, and you like wearing tank tops, wear a bra.  You don't have to look at you, we do.  A pair of padlocks in tube socks doesn't make people hungry like you might think.

3.  Hock a loogie into your napkin.  I don't care if you just coughed up a hairball the size of Cher.  If you spit that phlegm into your napkin, that means I have to pick that nasty shit up off the table after you leave there Typhoid Terry.  Go outside.  Go to the bathroom.  Go home and choke on it, but don't spit it out here.  Ever.  Ever!


Recently I have been examining some job opportunities, and sizing up my other outside (aka non-Red Lobster) revenue streams, and more and more I see the end of my association with Red Lobster on the horizon.  I don't know when, or if it'll just be a drastic cut back, but I think in the next 6-9 months I'm going to go for it.  If/when that happens, I might be open to taking on some other writers.  Really this blog up to this point has been a lot of my own thoughts, but I know there are others out there with great stuff they could contribute.  Maybe we'll have a Lobster Girl too.  I'm not sure I remember what life without Red Lobster is like since I've been working with RL off and on since the early 90's.  Damn that makes me sound and feel old when I type that.

Coupons during Lobsterfest

Dear Red Lobster,
if you are going to run a coupon during Lobsterfest, could you at least wait until after Easter?

Have any of you actually ever served in a restaurant on Easter weekend?

Morons.

Signed the Red Lobster servers of America

Seth Godin on Andrew Carnegie with wisdom for Red Lobster

Seth Godin wrote the following insight on his blog. It is as if it was directly address to the corporate "leaders" in Darden/Red Lobster. HEY!!! He's speaking to you - listen up!

Carnegie apparently said, "Take away my people, but leave my factories and soon grass will grow on the factory floors......Take away my factories, but leave my people and soon we will have a new and better factory."

Is there a typical large corporation working today that still believes this?

Most organizations now have it backwards. The factory, the infrastructure, the systems, the patents, the process, the manual... that's king. In fact, shareholders demand it.

It turns out that success is coming from the atypical organizations, the ones that can get back to embracing irreplaceable people, the linchpins, the ones that make a difference. Anything else can be replicated cheaper by someone else.

Media request for Red Lobster's Censorship Policy

I was contacted by someone in the media asking about the absurd Red Lobster censorship policy. Anyone out there have a copy of it they could scan and email me? Or I suppose you could type it up as well. If so send it to RLserver AT Gmail Dot Com. Thanks in advance.

Update: Thanks readers, below is the exact text in question out of the Employee Handbook:

Internet/Blogging Policy

Darden supports the free exchange of information and supports camaraderie among its employees. We also are extremely proud of our reputation of being “The Best in Full-Service Dining” and of the strong brand identities we have created. Consistent with our company’s overall employee code of conduct, Darden employees must always express themselves in a manner that is professional and respectful when engaging in social media. When internet blogging, chat room discussions, e-mail, text messages, or other forms of communication reveal confidential and/or proprietary information about the Company or include inappropriate discussions about co-workers, guests, or others, the employee may be violating the law and is subject to disciplinary action, up to and including termination of employment. Please keep in mind that if you communicate regarding any aspect of the Company, you must include a disclaimer that the views you share are your own, and not necessarily the views of the Company. This applies to statements made during work and non-work hours and in any communication medium (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, My Space, e-mail, text messages, videos, etc.).

Darden Restaurants Crew Member Handbook February, 2010, Page 28.

Gustapo at Red Lobster

Or perhaps a little Mother Russia - KGB is out to get us.

I've been asked now by a number of people whether I am aware of the below censorship attempt coming from Orlando. And yes, I'm aware of it. I'll address it at some point further than this, but thought I'd put it out there for discussion at this point. I don't think we get the option of not signing it. I'm sure they'll make an example out of someone to scare everyone else. That's the corporate mentality. Maybe it'll be me. If so, I won't hold back as I honestly am currently. Not sweating it one way or another. If Red Lobster wants to take me down, I'm the small fish, they can do so. But the funny thing is that Stalinist attempts at censorship often creates martyrs. Will I dive on the grenade if it comes to that - we'll just have to see, but the equation is decidedly balanced in my favor on this one. Just how much publicity do you think I could get if this gets ugly? I'm betting a lot. Does Darden want to roll that dice in this economy?


Below is a report from CNN (the typo's are not mine!):

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-402842

I'm an employee at Red Lobster, which is owned by Darden Restaurants.

We are being forced to sign an agreement that, for the most part, forbids us to blog, or if looked deeply into enough, even TALK about what goes on in the workplace. This "agreement" even reaches into our "off hours" lives.

I've attached a scanned version of the actual page that details the internet/blogging policy. What bothers me so much about this is the fact that the policy is SOOO vague that it could include anything. Vague policy IS the heart of censorship!

Here's an excerpt:

"When internet blogging, chat room discussions, E-MAIL, TEXT MESSAGES OR OTHER FORMS OF COMMUNICATION reveal confidential and/or proprietary information about the company or include inappropriate discussions abour co-workers, guests, or others, the employess may be violating the law and is sublect to disciplinary actions, up to and including termination of employment."

I'll leave it at that for now (read the entire policy if interested), but that little phrase is what makes this just seem wrong to me.

How can we even be hinted upon to control what we put in our emails or text messages? Who has access to this outside of us, the people writing and receiving them? Does the Patriot Act extend to Red Lobster?

Finally, what are these "other" forms of communication outside of the internet realm? Speech? Morse Code?

I'm not a lawyer, but something just doesn't smell right about this policy, I just can't put my finger on it.

I know it's wrong to slander someone or to give away company secrets (like what's the seven secret spices in the Colonol's chicken); but outside of that, we can say what we want. If I want to blog about how my boss sucks, I should be able to do so. Just so long as I don't say, "Mr. John Doe sucks because he's a loser and has no life.", I'm covered under the law.

So, am I wrong in these thoughts or am I just looking too deep into it? I don't think I am because this has become a BIG issue at my Red Lobster. And this is only one store in a small town, I'm sure it can't be going over well in the larger areas.

Censorship always starts small.