Gift Cards from Red Lobster for your Festivus celebration

Red Lobster is running a promo on gift cards at the moment - buy $25 or more and get a $5 card bonus coupon.  If you are a regular guest I'd suggest just buying them $25 at a time to maximize your bonus $5 opportunities.  I don't paid on the card in any way, but figured I can help people save.  If you do use the coupon make sure you tip off the original total, not the reduced total.

And for employees of Red Lobster - if you aren't getting your discounted employee gift cards, you are seriously missing out on some easy cash - at least if you have any friends or family near you.

Here's what you do:

Buy as many gift cards as you can.  I was known to sometimes buy cards from other employees who weren't planning on purchasing them for themselves.  The more you can get, the better.  Yes, this requires tying up some of your cash, but if you plan ahead and save for a while, you can get there too.  So if you can't pull it off this year, do it next year.

Give these cards to friends and family who live nearby as gifts.  Tell them when you work.  Ask that they request you as their server.  Now they are paying for a meal with a card you bought at a discounted price.  So you look like a generous giver up front, and then they come and sit in your section, are friendly to you, and are very likely to leave a generous tip. 

If you were already planning on giving them a $25, $50, or $100 range gift for Christmas/Hanuka/Kwanza/Festivus/Circumcision you no longer have to wrap it (saves time, expense, frustration and the ozone layer).  You save money on the front end, and collect a fat tip on the back end.  Winning.

Just as an aside - don't let your family/friends leave you the remainder on a gift card.  Carrying that card around - even if it is legit - is an easy excuse for Red Dumpster to terminate you if you are caught in possession of it while working.

There are some dark arts that go beyond this, but I'm not going to share those details publicly lest some moron unable to work the system tries it and gets fired and his kids don't get Christmas because the Grinch Lobster Boy planted this idea in his baked out head.

Be smart out there this Christmas season.  Make some serious bank.  Enjoy yourselves the best you can in spite of all Darden has been, is, and will be doing to screw you over.

Just another job hazard from the "quality" of customers at Red Lobster

Original video on YouTube.

Huffington Post had this to say:

A Missouri woman is facing felony charges for attacking a waitress at a restaurant in southwest Illinois after the wrong food order was delivered to her table.
Cell phone videos caught the brutal attack on a female server at Red Lobster in Fairview Heights, Ill. Dec. 30.

Police say the food orders for a table of four women were handed off between waitstaff, resulting in a mix-up, the Associated Press reports. When the wrong meals were delivered, one woman threw a drink in the waitress' face before all four women began punching and pushing the server, who suffered cuts to her nose and forehead and a swollen eye.
"Look at the waitress! She's going to kick that [expletive]! She threw a drink in her face and they came and attacked her," a customer can be heard saying on the video of the incident.
After an appeal to the public to help identify the women involved, police have arrested and charged Ania D. Wilkes, 20, of Ferguson, Mo. with mob action and aggravated battery, both felonies, according to KSDK News. Police say tips helped them identify three of the four suspected assailants, and more charges are expected to be filed soon.

It doesn't get any more ghetto than that.  I've seen fights in restaurants but thankfully not between customers and employees.  This is probably why the Popeye's Chicken I went to the other day had 2 inch thick bulletproof glass.

KMOV has the names of these fine citizens.

Three Belleville women are facing felony charges after they were accused of assaulting a server at a Red Lobster restaurant in Fairview Heights last Friday.
The assault happened around 2 p.m. inside the restaurant in the 110 block of Ludwig Drive.

A witness said she saw three female customers get mad because the server was filling up their glasses with water too often.  According to the witness, as the server walked away one of them picked up a water glass and threw it, hitting the victim in the back of the head.  The witness said as the server turned around, the customer hit her in the face with one of the dessert books.
The server was treated by a paramedic, but did not go to the hospital and stayed at work.

Customers and restaurant employees made sure the women stayed put until police arrived. Officers then arrested the three suspects.  They have been identified as Sharrell A. Evans, 21, Britley L. Green, 22, and Geneen L. Green, 44, from Belleville.  All three have been charged with mob action and aggravated battery.  Both charges are felonies.  They are being held on $50,000 bond each.

The incident comes just six months after a cell phone video captured four female customers beating up a server at the same restaurant over what they deemed bad service.
In that incident, the victim ended up with cuts on her nose, a swollen eye and was forced to miss a few days of work.

Hey mom - le'ss go to duh Red Lobzter an eats us some skrimp and den start some shit up...

BTW - getting clocked in the head by one of RL's glasses would hurt like hell.  They're very solid and heavy and if the bottom corner caught you it could really do some damage.

Every restaurant within 100 miles should put a photo of these server terrorists (yes I went there) on their front door. 

Server Assistants in the Orlando Sentinel

Over the years I've spoken with Sandra Pedicini on quite a few occasions (she wrote the piece).  She's always given us - the working stiff - a very fair shake.  Check out her article here. 

From the article:

Red Lobster is revamping the way workers wait on tables in a move that some employees and experts say could hinder service at the world's largest casual-dining seafood chain.

In a plan that starts nationwide Monday, the chain owned by Orlando-based Darden Restaurants will eliminate busboys, demote many waiters and reduce the number of servers working each shift by assigning each four tables instead of three.


Darden said the new system will cut costs but actually improve service. Unhappy employees and some restaurant experts warn it could result in demoralized, stressed-out workers — never a good thing in the hospitality business.

"We're going to be completely worn out," said Bob Meehan, a longtime server at Red Lobster in Lake Worth. "It's definitely going to hurt service."

Chris Muller, dean of Boston University's hospitality school, said worker morale will likely suffer. "If you don't like the people you're working with and for … it's going to show," he said.

Red Lobster spokeswoman Heidi Schauer insisted many employees like the changes and that diners at restaurants that tested them seemed to approve as well.

 I'm guessing that Heidi didn't ask the server assistants, nor did they have an outside and unbiased party ask.

Read the comments here.  Server ASSistants is a fucking train wreck for Darden.


Seeing as how I've have left the Red Dumpster, I'd like to connect some existing employees with Mrs. Pedicini.  She can/will keep it completely anonymous.  Let me know at RLserver AT gmail DOT com if you'd be interested in talking to her from time to time about the ongoing bullshit we know as working at Red Lobster.
 

Grinding it out

I've mentioned previously there is a time drawing near where I'll be leaving the Lobster.  Slowly but surely those plans are coming together each passing day.  The rebound in the stock market has helped a ton too. 

Since it is Lobsterfest I've been pounding out as many hours as they'll allow me to get.  Pushing toward 40 every week for the past handful - more than my normal.  As a result, I'm tired, grumpy, and lack any sort of creativity.

But the good news is that Lobsterfest has been great for my bottom line (as it always is).  This year, for whatever reason, my take home average has been up nearly ever single night I've worked.  While it might not seem much when you go home with $25 extra, over a month or two of working 5+ days a week on average and that begins to really add up.  And that is $25 over my expected Lobsterfest earnings, not my crappy run-of-the-mill promotion take home.

I'm well aware that it can turn at any moment.  But it seems like I have a hot streak going.

Had a table the other night that smelled like they smoked a whole bale of ditch weed in their car in our parking lot.  You would've thought we had smoke machines and a dance floor with the fog coming off this family.  Purple haze?  Hell no, this shit was stank nasty green.  So bad that I'd take a breath away from the table before leaning over to hand out drink refills.

I mean seriously?  You could've lit dog shit on fire and it wouldn't smell this bad.  And you thought it a good idea to go out in public, undoubtedly driving here, with children in tow?  Pot might not be harmful, but it sure makes you a fucking idiot sometimes.  A swimming pool of Visine wouldn't clear up those eyes.  It's one thing to cap the night off at home, in the safety and privacy of your own dwelling.  But to get fried-fuckin-baked out of your mind and then satiate your fat ass munchies with overpriced seafood?

Save some money on the food and buy a better quality dank. 

Thankfully they tipped well.  When I asked if they wanted drinks they made sure to point out - as if it wasn't as obvious as the nose on their face - that they were "already rollin" and were doing just fine.  The tip though didn't make up for the gigantic mess they made, and the fact that they ran my balls off the whole time they were in the store.  They were too stupid or stoned to remember half the shit they wanted each time I came to the table, so they'd ask for 4 more things each time I came back with the previous round of shit they wanted.  I seriously contemplated just rolling the damn salad station out to their table at one point after the - I kid you not - 6th request for another/more/different salad dressing.  Fucktard.

Here's how the system is fucked - I can refuse service to someone who is drunk, but not to someone who is high.  This isn't a judgement about weed mind you, just being an idiot with it out in public.  If you want to hit the bong and blow smoke rings in your cat's face at home I'm not going to interfere.  But come into my domain and I throw that philosophy out the window.  Don't be an asshat.  And seriously, exposing your kids to that should mandate a child protective services phone call from the restaurant.  But not in our world of whatever-the-hell-the-customer-wants-is-always-right fascist bullshit.

That's pretty good wisdom for all of life.  Don't be an asshat. 

The more years I work for Red Lobster the more I do think it to be a fascist state (minus the war).  The paramilitary state is the management controlled by the powers that be from on high.  And those powers that be never see the people like me as actual people.  Just another cog in the war machine.  Expendable.  Disposable.  Replaceable.  The original title of this blog was "Red Lobster hates its employees" and I don't know that I've ever typed a more true set of words.

Red Lobster Day Care

Let me be clear here.  My job is to bring you food and beverages, not baby sit your obnoxious crotch droppings.  Just because you made a bad choice and split a case of Busch Light with Bubba in the back of his 4x4 doesn't make me in any way sympathetic to your plight in life.  Take care of your fucking kids.

No, I won't apologize when I'm carrying a large tray of very hot food with breakable plates and glasses and I happen to step on/kick/elbow/punt your little bastard as I walk through the dining room.  And no I won't apologize when I laugh when they trip over a leg of a chair and smash their face on a table because they are running around like a ferret with rabies.  And no I don't have band aides.

And HELL NO I'm not taking that dirty diaper from you, there is a garbage in the bathroom next to the changing station.  Oh - you changed it right there on the table?  No, I'm not wiping that for you either (though you can be assure I'll napalm it to death with every disinfectant known to Red Lobster immediately upon your leaving).

While you might be lured into thinking we are a baby sitting service - I mean we do have the Lobster Tank with giggly teenage hostesses standing nearby - aka Child Entertainment Zone - we do not actually get paid to watch your kids.

I don't care what political party, if someone ran on the platform of a minimum requirement for people to be allowed to reproduce, I'd vote for it every time.  Just because you got the equipment doesn't mean you should get into the game.

If you're coming to Red Lobster to get hammered...

We've had a new regular in our restaurant.  Well...at least new to most of us, but I'll get to that back story later.

This new regular showed up about 8 weeks ago now I'm guessing, beginning of summer.  The first night she came in, I had the pleasure of waiting on her.  Wonderfully nice lady.  Mid-40's, slightly overweight but carries it very well.  Divorced, no kids, no cats!!!!!!! and one dog.  Drives a pretty bad-assed Pontiac G8 that she's had tuned.  We'll call her "Becky" for the story to protect the guilty.

I did my intro and she ordered a beer and a tequila chaser.  A bit odd, but I didn't pry.  She seemed happy, and was pleasant to me throughout the meal.  She ate light, boxed half her salad and had the fish I recommended to her in the half portion size.  When I brought out the salad the shot was gone and the beer was 2/3's empty as well.  She asked for a second round.  So I brought it thinking this would probably be the end.  As she wrapped up her eating and I asked about desert, she asked that I bring her something fun from the bar.  I rattled off a list of a few of my favorite after dinner drinks and Becky said "I've never had any of them, but I've never had a drink I didn't like so take your pick and bring it to me with the bill."  I got her a Brandy Alexander (YUM!) Ice Cream drink, and since it was slow in the bar I actually got real ice cream instead of that fake nasty shit we normally use.

Lady.

Loved it.

Started coming onto me.

Asked if she could "thank me" after I got off of work.

She's pretty good looking.

Has money...but no.  I've found a woman that puts up with me & I'm not looking for more than that at this point in my life.

I told her I was flattered and that she was about 20 years too late.  Yes honey, we met 20 years ago.  Gawd I'm old.

As she finished her drink & paid me (35% tip!) she asked me to chat for a few minutes.  It was a slow night and I had side work I was already putting off until later anyhow, so I humored her.  Got a bit of her back story.  Her family owned a number of bars & restaurants that she oversees with a minimal amount of involvement.  She said they were basically her trust fund/cash cow and that she pays people good sums of money to take care of them so she doesn't have to.  She had recently moved to town to be closer to the hub of their operations since there are 5 establishments of her's in town.  Yes, her's.  Her parents both died last year and her sister didn't want any of it "since she's married to this rich lawyer prick."

Then she got to the point.  Becky explained that she's a bit shy, new in town, and desperately wanted to get laid.  But she didn't want to be some tramp at the local watering hole picking up who knows what, so she thought she'd come here, get drunk, and see where the night took her.  How's that for being open and honest!

Then she apologized for hitting on me, which I told her again I took no offense at.  She asked if I had any suggestions.  I asked if she knew of the family adult toy shop down the street (yes, family!  Actually a pretty classy place, no bad/nasty porn and not filled wall to wall with creepy pervs).  She made it clear she didn't believe in toys.  She wanted a man.

Now as a man I know at least 10 men who at any given time would have paid her for the pleasure, and as a waiter that number probably jumps to at least 100.  But I found myself a bit reluctant to set her loose on anyone I knew, and I think she could sense it.  So she thanked me for the conversation, finished her drink, and got up to leave (I assumed).

But as she made it to the lobby, she detoured to the bathroom.  I quit paying attention at that point having noticed the tip she left, and got back to the side work I'd been putting off.  Maybe a half hour later, I walked through the bar, and there she was bellied up to the bar chatting up one of my co-workers "Dave" who rides the bus home.  He's a good guy, was a Marine for 10+ years & is back going to school now.  He's in his early 30's, I figured he could handle himself if this went where I suspected it was going.

The next day it was the talk of the store.  Apparently when she went into the bar, she asked the bar tender for another beer, shot of tequila, and if he wanted to fuck.  That conversation didn't last long though because he's queerer than Liberace.  Plus, he wouldn't serve her any more because he knew what she'd had already.

Dave jumped on that landmine from the best we can tell.  He's an honorable man, so he didn't kiss & tell.  But it was obvious when he showed up at work the next morning in his car rather than on the bus, and she was with him.

I gave him the raised eyebrow, and he just shrugged with a sheepish grin.  Nothing more was said by him (or her) but there was a buzz for a week in the story.  And now 8 weeks later, they're talking marriage.  And the crazy thing is, I actually think it will work!

Becky has started to drive Dave to work & pick him up every day.  They've looked at a home together, and even went on a vacation together.  It is like a movie love story with one crazy beginning! 

And it all started because she came to Red Lobster to get hammered.

All you can eat shrimp commercials piss me off!

Every time that damn Red Lobster all you can eat shrimp commercial comes on TV, my stress meter pegs.  Not because work stresses me out, but because some corporate douche-bag gets paid way too much to torment me like this.  It's bad enough I have to deal with AYCE 5-6 days a week, and then I can't escape it on my off hours.  It interrupts football.  It's a poke in my eye.  Its like when a bull sees the matador waving this weak ass crappy flap of cloth.  I want to give it the horns and gore the hell out of it and then stomp on his balls to make sure he gets the point.  But that would only break my TV which I am quite fond of.

Stupidity is contagious it seems

Since about mid summer it seems as if stupidity among my coworkers has become contagious.  A couple of DUI's and jail time.  Assault.  Theft.  One lady got fired from her other job for sleeping with her bosses husband.  We've had 2 fights come to blows between coworkers (in off hours) with the cat fight between the ladies at a "work" party that was pretty epic (I wasn't there, but thanks to the iPhone & YouTube, I saw almost all of it!).  No, you won't find it if you search.  Private link, and no longer posted.

And that is just the beginning.  There is something about the warmer weather that seems to make servers extra frisky.  So the staff hook ups were crazy this summer.  I think it might be easier to say who didn't sleep with who.  And there was a night at a strip joint that led to the break up of not one but TWO work romances.  And it was the ladies who brought the men there that night.

All in all, this was a way above average summer for craziness.  Thankfully I've passed that idiot stage of life, but I'm still cool enough I guess that they are all still compelled to tell me about their adventures and escapades.  But between you and me, I really don't want to know.  There was a time I did (and a time that it was me making those stories!) but those days have long passed, I have performed those rituals and am one of the few left standing years later still able to tell about it.

So how does this relate to Red Lobster directly?  It does, very much so.  It is always fun to come into work and discover a scorned lover is scheduled to work with the ex and the new flavor of the month.  The icy stares, the cold shoulders, the poking holes in all the condoms in the new skank's purse.

And then it impacts me directly when I have to cover for idiot Joe who is in jail for the next 8 days because he had one...or seven...for the road and got caught.  Or having to pick up 3 shifts for a young lady who got so drunk in a boat on a fishing trip that she forgot to put on suntan lotion.  And was in the boat all day.  Yes, she looked (and probably felt) like the lobsters in my background for the blog.  And the really funny thing is that she had on a bikini, but fell asleep with her hand holding a can of beer across her stomach.  Yes, she showed us all.

As an aside, but related, our staff has turned over quite a bit in the last 2 years, and one of the results of that is that all the non-drinkers we used to have who still liked go out with everyone left our staff.  Meaning there are no sober drivers left to drag everyone home at closing time like there used to be.  Which I'm certain led to at least 2 DUI's on our team.

Maybe we need to add a training element on how to hold your liquor and how to call a cab.

When you quit being a server

Well, I don't know that some of us will ever really "quit" but we will find gainful employment elsewhere.  That's kinda how it works when you do it for this many years.

But nonetheless, when you leave your serving job, I believe you are fully duty bound to watch the moving Waiting at least once a year for the first ten years after you leave the trade.  I think it was in the Guild papers you signed when you started serving.

And for those ten years you are also expected to tip no less than 20%, and often far greater unless you get service so bad it makes you want to run over their dog.  Then you are obligated to tell them why they sucked and why you are graciously only leaving 10%.

That is of course, unless you are trying to nail your server.  Then all bets are off.

Get your BP oil coated oysters here...

In case you've been in a coma for a while, British Petroleum is in the process of coating most of the Gulf Coast with oil and tar balls and ruining the fishing industry there.  And to BP's credit, their level of corporate leadership (or lack thereof) has made some of the more recent blunders by Red Lobsters senior leaders look insignificant.  And that's saying something.  See Edna's All-You-Can-Eatgate for exhibit A.

I predicted this would happen about 2 weeks ago - Red Lobster is taking oysters off the menu.

Why you ask?  Because most of our oysters (and in fact depending on the time of year and your region ALL of your oysters) come from LA - Louisiana.

So if you are hankering to slurp a few down, better do it in the next 48 hours, otherwise my guess is you will be shit out of luck.

BTW Red Lobster, I'd love to have a lightly grilled oyster skewer as an option.  You just kiss the oysters on the grill over a wood fire and they absorb an amazing amount of smoke flavor, plus the caramelization where the oyster hits the grill is oh-so-good.  But don't cook them for long as they turn to rubber and shrink up and dry out very quickly.

Then kiss them with some lime (yes lime, not lemon) and they are amazing!  Maybe a shot of hot sauce too.

Swamp Ass - a server's nightmare

Early every summer I have a few days where I have swamp ass caused from work.  Creek cheeks.  Crack chafe.

Don't ask what body part...

You get a busy evening on a hot and humid day before you body has fully adjusted and it is like the Amazon rain forest in my pants (insert Anaconda joke here). And as the shift wears on, you can feel the heat building in your skin.  You can feel the chafing going on, but you are busy and food needs to be run.  It isn't until you sit down after your shift, be it for a bite to eat or when you hop in your car that you get the sensation that you ass crack is on fire, and perhaps it has spread to your inner thighs.  I suspect guys have this problem more than ladies (we're the sweaty ones generally) but I've heard female servers complain about it too.

What can you do about it?  We first good undies without irritating seams are helpful,  Plus avoid cotton at all costs, in both your undies and pants if at all possible.  Cotton locks the sweat against your body creating the perfect environment for jungle crotch.  Under Armor is making some good stuff, but there are other brands as well.

If you feel the burn starting, in a pinch some corn starch can work wonders when applied directly to the affected area.  It works better than talc.  Corn starch is very fine and slippery, plus it dries the skin out a little bit.  Now I don't know if there are health risks for you ladies using it on your good bits, so beware if you try it.  I'd hate to see you drop a loaf of corn bread the next time you pee.

I learned of the corn starch in the military years ago, and it was a life saver.  Since there was always some in the kitchen, it was a quick fix if you couldn't see the doc.  Of course don't wrangle your junk and then reach back in for more - take a scoop and put it in something and go elsewhere to apply (like the bathroom Private!)

But even better is a relatively new product I've seen at some regional sporting goods stores - Anti-Chafing Stick.  It is like a deodorant stick of magic.  It comes just like your deodorant and you apply it in the very same fashion, only you apply it to areas where you have the friction.  I've used this in a number of athletic applications, but now I keep a stick of it hidden at work for those emergency needs.  No I won't share mine with you, I don't want whatever is crawling in your pants!  But seriously, if you've ever experience this (and many servers know what I'm talking about) this stuff is heavenly.  And what I really like is with one application I can make it most shifts without any further problems.  I keep some at home and preemptively use it probably at least once a week depending on local weather reports and what else I've been doing that day.  I also use it when I go for a run. 

This stuff is a life saver.

Random Red Lobster crap

Mad Bar Tender - a view of things to come?  Another reminder that Darden has become a soulless corporation.  When I tell newer employees of the good old days back in the 90's they think I'm making stuff up.  It is amazing just how little Red Lobster cares for their employees - from the top corporate executives on down to the local management.  I've never seen such a large organization who regularly shoots itself in the foot in regards to employee relations.


A few years back I wrote about some of the sick shit customers do in our restaurants - Doing Gross Things at the Table.  I have a few more to add to that list.

Give me more mommy!

1.  A while ago I was waiting on Mom, Dad and Junior.  Junior looked to be about 6-7 years old I'm guessing.  He was missing some teeth - and by some, it appears that he was the model for most jack-o-lanterns.  So sitting at the table, Junior pull out yet another tooth.  A bit gross, but not out of the ordinary for a 7 year old little boy.  He nicely wrapped the bloody tooth in his napkin and stuck it in his pocket.  This is where the story turns for the bad.  I come back to the table a few minutes after delivering their food to do my check back and make sure everything is great.  As I approach the table I see this horror - mom scoops up some shrimp from Juniors plate with her fork, chews it, spits it out onto the fork, and puts it on his plate.  Junior scoops it up with his fork and proceeds to eat it.  I've seen birds do this, but not people.  That's not right.  When Mom notices that I observed this, she casually says "His tooth is bothering him, we do this all the time."  I stifle vomit and laughter long enough to escape to the alley.  Barely.

2.  If your boobs point to the floor, and you like wearing tank tops, wear a bra.  You don't have to look at you, we do.  A pair of padlocks in tube socks doesn't make people hungry like you might think.

3.  Hock a loogie into your napkin.  I don't care if you just coughed up a hairball the size of Cher.  If you spit that phlegm into your napkin, that means I have to pick that nasty shit up off the table after you leave there Typhoid Terry.  Go outside.  Go to the bathroom.  Go home and choke on it, but don't spit it out here.  Ever.  Ever!


Recently I have been examining some job opportunities, and sizing up my other outside (aka non-Red Lobster) revenue streams, and more and more I see the end of my association with Red Lobster on the horizon.  I don't know when, or if it'll just be a drastic cut back, but I think in the next 6-9 months I'm going to go for it.  If/when that happens, I might be open to taking on some other writers.  Really this blog up to this point has been a lot of my own thoughts, but I know there are others out there with great stuff they could contribute.  Maybe we'll have a Lobster Girl too.  I'm not sure I remember what life without Red Lobster is like since I've been working with RL off and on since the early 90's.  Damn that makes me sound and feel old when I type that.

Gustapo at Red Lobster

Or perhaps a little Mother Russia - KGB is out to get us.

I've been asked now by a number of people whether I am aware of the below censorship attempt coming from Orlando. And yes, I'm aware of it. I'll address it at some point further than this, but thought I'd put it out there for discussion at this point. I don't think we get the option of not signing it. I'm sure they'll make an example out of someone to scare everyone else. That's the corporate mentality. Maybe it'll be me. If so, I won't hold back as I honestly am currently. Not sweating it one way or another. If Red Lobster wants to take me down, I'm the small fish, they can do so. But the funny thing is that Stalinist attempts at censorship often creates martyrs. Will I dive on the grenade if it comes to that - we'll just have to see, but the equation is decidedly balanced in my favor on this one. Just how much publicity do you think I could get if this gets ugly? I'm betting a lot. Does Darden want to roll that dice in this economy?


Below is a report from CNN (the typo's are not mine!):

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-402842

I'm an employee at Red Lobster, which is owned by Darden Restaurants.

We are being forced to sign an agreement that, for the most part, forbids us to blog, or if looked deeply into enough, even TALK about what goes on in the workplace. This "agreement" even reaches into our "off hours" lives.

I've attached a scanned version of the actual page that details the internet/blogging policy. What bothers me so much about this is the fact that the policy is SOOO vague that it could include anything. Vague policy IS the heart of censorship!

Here's an excerpt:

"When internet blogging, chat room discussions, E-MAIL, TEXT MESSAGES OR OTHER FORMS OF COMMUNICATION reveal confidential and/or proprietary information about the company or include inappropriate discussions abour co-workers, guests, or others, the employess may be violating the law and is sublect to disciplinary actions, up to and including termination of employment."

I'll leave it at that for now (read the entire policy if interested), but that little phrase is what makes this just seem wrong to me.

How can we even be hinted upon to control what we put in our emails or text messages? Who has access to this outside of us, the people writing and receiving them? Does the Patriot Act extend to Red Lobster?

Finally, what are these "other" forms of communication outside of the internet realm? Speech? Morse Code?

I'm not a lawyer, but something just doesn't smell right about this policy, I just can't put my finger on it.

I know it's wrong to slander someone or to give away company secrets (like what's the seven secret spices in the Colonol's chicken); but outside of that, we can say what we want. If I want to blog about how my boss sucks, I should be able to do so. Just so long as I don't say, "Mr. John Doe sucks because he's a loser and has no life.", I'm covered under the law.

So, am I wrong in these thoughts or am I just looking too deep into it? I don't think I am because this has become a BIG issue at my Red Lobster. And this is only one store in a small town, I'm sure it can't be going over well in the larger areas.

Censorship always starts small.

GSS - Guest Satisfaction Surveys

Let me go on record and mention that the guest satisfaction surveys that Darden uses suck (both Red Lobster and Olive Garden use them, and likely other places as well I suspect).

My first complain is they are a huge pain in the ass, especially when we are busy. Only a manager is supposed to present them to the table. If the managers are busy fixing the shit the kitchen just messed up and listening to the drunk old bag on table 47 complain that her scampi was too hot, then you wait. That means your customer waits. And waits. And waits. That means they aren't happy because their last memory is waiting for their check. And it doesn't matter if you tell them they got a survey, they don't want to wait for it. They don't care about the survey for the most part, they just want to make it to their movie or their next bong hit. And who does that hurt? The server. If your last experience is waiting for your server to bring the check, every minute that passes means less money in my pocket.

And then it always seems that when you get a table of ass clowns who bitched about everything from the moment they hit the parking lot, that they get a survey. You know no matter how much brown is on your lips from kissing ass that if they take the survey it won't go well. And of course there are those tables where you simply fucked up, and again, you don't want the survey. As servers, there is not supposed to be any way for us to make those surveys disappear. Managers can do it, but we supposedly can't. Little secret, if you know the computer system well enough, you can make that survey go away. I'm not about to give that little secret away, but suffice it to say, I've bailed a handful of servers out of trouble over the years. Sorry, some secrets cannot be shared. I won't even share how to do it with my co-workers. But there is a work around. Be warned, if you caught you'll get canned for it almost for sure.

Then of course there are the area dictators...er...directors who spank their managers regularly over their GSS scores. Hey Red Lobster, the system sucks. It's killing good local managers and has for years caused mid level regional managers to have their heads far to far up our local managers asses. They don't need that degree of micromanagement. If your managers are that incompetent, you shouldn't have hired them in the first place, and you should fire them now to make up for that. Otherwise back the hell off a little bit, give them some breathing room and let them do what you hired them to do. Maybe they'll surprise you and actually do a good job once they quit having to worry about being kicked in the nuts daily because some stoned asshole was too stupid to press the #5 on their phone.

And finally, there are those chode suckers who wouldn't give a 5 if Wolfgang Puck blew them all meal long and Emeril gave them a happy ending for desert. Hey jerkoff - giving a 4 is like crapping in a box and mailing it back to us. I stinks and is good for nothing. If we were a 4, give the 4, but don't pull this lame shit that "nobody can be a 5, everyone can improve something."

Red Lobster Gift Cards for Employees

A reminder to all Red Lobster employees (and I'm pretty sure all Darden employees) to make sure to buy your gift cards this Christmas season and get your discount. They make great gifts. My grandparents are too cheap to go to Red Lobster normally, but they LOVE IT when they get a gift card from me each year. Believe me, that $40 gift card more than repays itself in goodwill and other (birthday cash!) dividends throughout the rest of the year.

I know it seems cheesy, but it is pretty sweet to be able to pick up gifts where you work. And if you give them to friends/loved ones who live near you, they pay back even further. Those friends/family come in and always want to sit in your section, so now they are paying with your cards (hopefully meaning little or no money out their pockets) meaning they can leave you a fat tip. I'm serious here, the math totally works in your favor. If you are living check to check, save up a couple of hundred bucks in the next few weeks and get yourself some cards. I usually put $40 or so on each card figuring it is just under what most good 2-top meals come to.

Here's the warning part. Remember that big brother (aka Darden corporate lackeys) are watching your transactions with these cards. You might be tempted to buy a bunch of cards and then turn around and use them to pocket the savings. Don't. Seriously. It's not worth the little bit you can gain for what can be lost (your job dummy!). There isn't enough margin due to the limit in dollar amount you can purchase. Yeah, it is potentially free money, but I'm telling you, it's not worth it. It is easy for them to track your transactions with these cards in the computer system. So be smart. You'd be an idiot to do this and loose your job shortly before the best stretch of money in the RL Server's year (Christmas into Lobsterfest!).

Endless shrimp ending

Endless shrimp ends November 9th - halle-fuckin-lujah! So charge up your motorized scooter and waddle, roll or glide you way back in for one last evening of gluttony!

Severs in training

I've trained a lot of people in my years. A ton at Red Lobster, but many in other places as well. I think I've been a trainer for five different companies by my count. So when I say this, I mean it.

If you are a new server in training, get your shit together.

I don't care about anything else, when you are with me, we are working. When you are with me, you are on my time and my dollar, because if you fuck it up at the table, that is my tip. I understand this is part of the learning process, so I am gracious, but there are limits. Get your shit together and learn the menu. Learn the table approach. Study the wine chart and give a few of them a try. We give it to you for free, take a taste. I know you have school work, or kids to take care of, or bong hits to keep track of, but let me let you in on a little secret - I.don't.care. At all.

Come prepared. If I smell weed, I'm sending you packing. If you got booze on your breath, it's over. No, I'm not kidding. What you do with your time is your business, but get this - this isn't your time. I'm good at what I do, and I'm not ashamed of that fact. I've worked for many years honing my skills and knowledge, and I promise you that if you pay attention, if you put the time in, you can and will make very good money. If you learn the right way, not the easy way, you will make more money.

You will get out of this what you put into it. I understand you worked at Perkins for 74 years. I don't care. That's not how we do it. I don't care that you served at the mom & pop place on the lake in high school. You were an idiot then, and didn't learn a thing other then how to not drop food on the floor. We have a system here, and honestly, a surprisingly good system. I might not give Red Lobster a lot of credit, but they do deserve it for their server training, it is better than most others.

And when one of the other trainers says something, listen to them. We've all been at this a long time. You might not understand why you should do it that way, but believe me, in time you too will gain that wisdom. They aren't correcting you because they are bitches. We aren't busting your balls because we have nothing better to do. We all know if you don't learn this that A) you'll fuck it up at our tables in the future B) you'll piss off our regulars and C) you'll not last, which means we'll have to start this whole process over with some other clueless person, and all of this costs us money.

If you know what you are doing, I'll give you a long leash. But you have to earn that. Don't tell about how you served a bus of 45 strippers all by yourself and didn't make a single mistake. Serve this 4 top without a mistake. Trust is earned. If you deserve it, I'm happy to give it, as it is much easier for me when a trainee is competent. Heck, those training sessions are like a mini-vacation for us trainers actually. We get to show up, do only about half the work, and take in our normal tips. But unfortunately, and much to the surprise of most trainees, few of you ass-clowns are competent when you first walk in those double doors. So shut up, study up, and work hard, this'll be over sooner if you do.

Reader Writes In - Stupid Store Policies

The following was submitted to the Lobsterboy for my review and feedback. I asked (and was given) permission to publish it. Names have been changed to protect the guilty...err...innocent. I will add suggestions I shared with the author at the very end. Fax this in to your local Red Lobster!

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To Whom it May Concern,

At some point in everyone’s life, they face certain critical decisions. Where to live, what education to pursue, what God to worship, whether or not to pull the plug on Grandma, etc. For some time, I have felt that I was facing one of these critical moments.

For several years, I have worked at Red Lobster. In fact, I've worked pretty hard at being a good Lobsterhead in the time that I've been there. Minus smoke-breaks (an unfortunate and necessary evil considering my addictive nature) I'm usually, pardon the phrase, "hauling ass". I make people laugh. I sell them booze. I bring them food. According to our strange social custom of tipping, I also take whatever money they decide to leave in excess of the obligatory bill and use it to pay for my own vital needs (see also, "beggar").

In addition to answering the strange demands of my guests, pampering their egos, and providing food and entertainment, I answer to the every whim of my managers as well. I clean and tidy until their hearts are content, labor to keep their stress level low by not "riling up the natives", and generally try to be agreeable no matter which flavor of corporate bullshit I'm being asked to eat that week. Need me to add yet another annoying line of dialogue to my already twenty minute table approach? "Hi! I'm Boner, I promise to take sweet, sexy care of you today! Do you give a shit about our Fresh Fish today though I’ve told you ten times before? Are you under any time constraints? What? I already made you late getting back to work?" Sure! Okay! Need me to suffer the brunt of some “from on-high” evil cost-cutting corporate ways? "I'm sorry sir, we no longer have teaspoons. Yes, we still have tea. Yes, that is ridiculous. Yes, you will be allowed to bring your own spoon from home, or we can stir it with our dirty fingers. Whichever you'd like." Whatever you say management, you'll appreciate my hard work later. Right? Eh... Right?

While many of the servers I've seen come and go at our restaurant couldn't have found their ass with both hands, ran around like there was a four-alarm fire on top of their heads every time they got double sat with a couple of two-tops, or couldn't shake off their drug-induced stupor long enough to bring an old woman her water with lemon in under twenty minutes, I've always felt that I have been fairly competent at my job. Perhaps this has to do with the fact that I try to always be "working" when I am at "work". Because of my perception that I do my job well, I have always assumed I would be acknowledged as what we call a "good employee".

In their infinite wisdom, however, our management has promoted a policy of fairness at work. "Fairness" in this context, is similar to another concept you may have heard of before: Communism. Don't shit yourself just yet, I'll explain. While most things in America have traditionally been "merit based", particularly in a corporate environment, our management sees things differently. We reward mediocrity every day. If you happen to be bad at your job, our management is incapable of firing you. They just can't bring themselves to do it. If one person chooses not to do any work, they can safely assume that someone else will come and do it for them, with no fear of actual reprisal from a manager. Fifteen guest complaints? No problem! Don’t show up for your scheduled shifts? No problem! Now, on top of all of this, our management will also ensure that those same lazy servers have just as many hours as you. To keep it fair.

This concern for fairness also extends to which sections we can work. Do a great job every day? Suck it! We need to be fair about who gets what section. We sure wouldn't want anybody to feel bad. In addition to having to wade through a sea of people texting on their phones, fixing their tables so that we don't have to deal with the customer's plaintive and hungry stares, and generally cleaning up after everybody who was too lazy or slow to do their own job, we now have to be concerned with the equitability of the situation. I'm pretty sure management is going to start checking my pay stubs and forcing me to redistribute or burn all the extra money I make so that our less than stellar servers don't have to feel bad. Great.

In a strictly capitalist work environment, productivity would be rewarded. In a communist work environment all people are rewarded equally, regardless of their contribution. You see, Red Lobster has more in common with Red Russia than good ol' Red White and Blue America. Since I agree with this new corporate standpoint, I have some suggestions which may help bring us closer to our communist aspirations.

#1 - Do away with "The Brig", and add "The Gulag". Because it is necessary for the new "Red" Red Lobster to maintain some level of output from all of its employees, the forced labor camp theme of our new room will help "reeducate" our bad employees. You can't fire all the lazy people. But you can force them to stay on the clock for free until they can figure out how to refill the glass racks in the alley. Douchebag Dan comes highly recommended for the position of taskmaster.

#2 - Vodka will be on tap. It helped keep the Russians happy in the freezing Siberian winter, and it will work for us too. Having a bad day in section 1? Have some Vodka! Getting two shifts a week? Have some Vodka! There is no amount of bullshit that a bottle of vodka and a rousing song won't help you forget. (AMEN!)

#3 - Red Lobster will actually pay for my rent and food now, regardless of the pay cut that I take in the interest of fairness. Can't make any money because management won’t cut the fat? Don't worry, Communist Red Lobster will take care of all of your needs! Bread lines for everyone!

#4 - Big Furry Hats. With Lobsters on front.

An alternative to all of this, however, would be to require everyone to do their jobs. America-style. Hosts will host, servers will serve, and managers will manage. That includes firing people that don’t do their job. Glasses and ice are perpetually empty? Write the server up! Then fire them when they do it again! Busser doesn’t know how to clean a table, but has been working there three years? Fire them, and give their hours to someone who wants to work!

Nobody who does their job should ever have to apologize to someone who doesn’t for getting “special treatment”, so long as that “special treatment” is merit-based recognition for a job well done. A good schedule and a good section isn’t a reward. It makes sense from both an ethical and a business perspective. Good employees = happy guests. If I’m wrong, then perhaps we should ask Marlene if she wants to work backup on a Friday night, or Donna if she wants to roll silverware. That’s the equivalent of asking a strong server to work a bad station. These people don’t have the jobs they have because they are special, they have them because they are hard workers. If anybody doesn’t understand that, they should question whether or not they are doing their jobs the way they should. Or maybe they are just Commies.

Thus, my aforementioned critical decision. Do I put up and shut up? Or do I search for new employment? Alternatively, I could just start having fun with the job, and see how long it takes for someone to notice that I’ve gone postal. Or I could plead with my management to grant me something that I rightfully earned to begin with. I suppose that every server who works hard should be pondering the same decision. Perhaps we could all just start a revolution instead…

Signed,


The Democratic Lobster League of America

P.S. We only write this because we care.

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Here are my responses and ideas to add to the above: I'd add a line about hard working people in this economy can't find work and we've got people with jobs who won't do work - I think there is a solution. :-)

BTW, I'd fax it to your regional director as well - if you don't have his/her fax # it'll be in the office where the fax is, often on a business card tacked to the wall. The solution to this problem is to have a GM who has an eye on a higher position. When the GM's nose is so far up corporate leaders asses that all they see is brown, this crap doesn't happen. It does mean you goose-step to mindless corporatism, but they strictly adhere to the "law". I've experienced both, and while both are evil, I'll take the corporate brown-nosers if I have to pick my poison.

And if you really want to go commando you can sneak into the office and fax this to corporate from your RL's fax machine! If your store is anything like ours they leave that office open frequently, and long enough it wouldn't be hard to do it without getting caught. They have to fax so much crap that few of the managers would even bother looking what was spooling through unless there was only 1 manager in the store.

Asbestos hands

I have worked in a lot of different positions across the restaurant industry. Through that, I have built up a very high heat tolerance in my hands and forearms over the years. Literally I can grab hot things that the average person would never attempt. This isn't unique to me, many servers and cooks are like this (as are welders and glass blowers to name just a few others). Added to this, I have a pretty high threshold of pain, so I can "take the heat" so to speak.

A while back a reader Red Lobster Blog shot me an email asking how I deal with hot plates. Her complaint was that her cooks are throwing the plates in the windows too early and are getting the plates smoking hot.

First - why are the plates so FRICKIN' hot? I've run into this as well, and it is a direct response of the cooks to pressure from the managers, who themselves are taking boat loads of heat from the regional directors. Simply said, one of the things that Red Lobster tracks is food temp scores (ever called in a survey? It's on there.). The easiest way for a manager to get a regional manager off his ass for low foot temp scores is to have the cooks par the plates early. This loads up heat in our plates, which keeps the food sitting on them warmer longer. We honestly have a couple of tables in our restaurant where you can see where the hot plate has melted into the lacquered top and made a light oval. So this is a serious issue for servers.

The worst thing is when you pick a tray up out of the window not knowing someone has just loaded some blistering hot plates on the tray. You run out to drop it off, and just about the time you grab that Admiral's Feast and get ready to set it on the table, Granny decides to put her purse on the table to look for her ticket stub from when she rode the Titanic, thus blocking your landing spot. Now the distance from your hand to your head isn't all that far, but it still usually takes a moment for your hand to phone your brain to let it know it is melting. The brain tells the hand to hold on, and starts pushing beads of sweat out the forehead. This is where tray jacks are a server's best friend, because if you use the tray jacks like you are supposed to, then you have a tray you set back down on. If not, you're screwed, grab some ice on the way back into the kitchen.

Some of my worst burns as a server have actually come from grabbing an empty service tray that was sitting in the window under the glow rays. There is something about the material they use to make the large food service trays that make them extra hot. I've smoked myself good on these a number of times (slow learner!). It's like the fiberglass multiplies the heat or something.

I have blistered my hand holding onto a plate handed to me by another server. I sucked it up and played through it, but I was pissed that she handed me a plate that hot without warning.

So back to the question that prompted all of this - what do I do? I used to have some cloth hot pads that I kept in my server apron. These worked for most things, but the regional director started to raise a stink that these hot pads (not just mine, all of us who used them) were a cross contamination threat. I always kept mine clean, and I actually kept a spare set in the jacket I always wear to work (holds my keys/phone etc.) that I could swap in if my first set got soiled. But it is a potential hazard, and while I didn't like the change, I understood the need. What I switched to was a small round silicone hot pad(s) made by Le Creuset. Mine are black in color so they aren't visible when not in use (though I don't see them in that color on Amazon.com). These little pads are hand savers. They are small enough to fit in a pocket or an apron. And they could handle the space shuttle during re-entry. They are incredibly well designed in that they dissapate and deflect the heat, with the ridges adding to the insulation as well as increasing the grippiness. I've never struggled to grab things with them. The bonus is that they aren't cloth, so they are immediately cleanable. If they get soiled in any way, I just have the dish guys run them through the Hobart dish machine and they come out super clean on the other side. I haven't specifically asked the regional manager if I can use them, but he's seen me using them and hasn't busted my balls on it so I think it is OK.

Honestly, these pads should be standard issue and a required part of the uniform. All my trainees have started to get them, and some others are catching on as well.

NEVER loan them out though. You won't get them back. Servers are a sneaky lot, and when they realize just how good these things work, the pads "grow legs". I do have two sets of them (with my spare set kept in my vehicle now). I have lost one, and had another one get damaged due to my own stupidity. The pads are about the size of a coaster, and they work miracles.

Maybe Le Creuset I should inquire with Le Creuset now that their hot pad division will be working over time supplying servers...

Seriously - go buy some. Either from a high end cooking store or via Amazon or another online retailer.

Calling in a Domestic

I'm going all PSA on you asses today.

One of the more painful things I have had the misfortune of experiencing in my career in food service in the domestic disputes that take place at my place of work.

You'd be surprised how many people overstep the boundaries of normal social interaction with their loved ones in public places, especially ones that serve alcohol. I've broken up fights between lovers in bars that I've worked in. Usually there people are with them and they could go their separate ways to cool off for a period. That often isn't the case at a restaurant.

Years ago a group of my co-workers and I observed a lesbian couple whose relationship was clearly on the rocks. I have no idea why they thought Red Lobster would be the place to work out their differences. They sat in my section for a couple of hours during the early afternoon, going back and forth about who did what to whom. Then they brought out the big guns. Who wasn't paying bills, and who cheated on who with each other. It became quite heated, and one of the ladies apparently went too far, causing her former lover to start bawling and bolt out of our restaurant.

It was at this point other servers took notice because these two ladies had been in a remote corner of our dining room where no other servers had been on for a few hours.

I had been watching this play out, but wasn't close enough to hear what happened. They were already cashed out, so I wasn't honestly too worried on my end. Their conversation was much too heated for me to interrupt anyhow. So the lady bolts out of the restaurant, leaving all her stuff behind - purse, sweater, keys were all still sitting there. The lover left behind gets up and walks over to where I am rolling silver and asks me to watch their stuff, and that she'll be right back. "Sure thing ma'am."

Now at this point of the story, you need to know that the crying lady who ran out was a very attractive and quite thin woman, about 5'7" and leggy. I think she had come from work because she was wearing heals and a professional looking skirt and blouse. The lady left behind was a fairly stout butch looking lady, with short cropped hair, blue jeans with a chain and leather wallet. I would guess she was also about 5'10" and at least half again the weight of crying woman.

So everyone sees the woman run out crying, and a few servers make their way to the windows where the woman is crying and leaning against a car.

Moments after the larger lady left my section, a friend literally runs back to where I am still rolling silver and shouts - "You've got to see this" and runs off. Curious, I take off after him.

Out in our parking lot skinny crying lady is now pounding the shit out of her larger lover. It appears something has snapped in her, and all the rage is now coming out. A manager yells at the host to call the cops and runs outside. Wisely, he doesn't physically intervene.

While being much smaller, the skinny lady had more than enough rage to overcome any size advantage. Plus, she was much quicker. I'm guessing she does Tae Bow or something, cause she's raining down blows on the larger lady like MMA ground and pound. The larger lady tackles her (on the paved parking lot) and proceeds to roll skinny lady onto her stomach (while skinny lady kicks away, and at one point manages to get a shoe in hand and uses that as a weapon for a few strikes). Large woman then just sits on the back of the smaller woman and asks over and over for her to calm down (we're all watching out the front door at this point).

The story ends with the arrival of the cops a few minutes later, and the two bloodied women being carted off in the police cars. I had to go back in with an officer and collect up all their belongings, and on the way in the officer kinda snickered and said "That must've been a pretty uneven fight, the one is twice the other's size."

"No, not really." I replied.

"That little lady has quite a bit of bull dog in her from what I saw. She won the fight no contest."

Stupid me, opening my mouth, now I had to give a statement. Thankfully the officer didn't have a lot of questions, and I was about to take a break between shifts anyhow.

But in the end, it made for an entertaining but very sad afternoon. I enjoy fights, things like boxing and MMA (especially MMA!), but not so much when it is like this. I can't help but think of the ramifications. I've seen parents carted off with kids present in other sitations. There are no winners in a domestic altercation.

If you or someone you know is being abused, don't put up with it, leave and get help.

A great place to start is HelpGuide.org and DomesticViolence.org.